40 Dumb Wordplay Jokes That Will Crack You Up

1 | Do you know the soul singer Marvin Gaye used to keep a sheep in a vineyard?

He'd herd it through the grapevine!

For more kid-approved jokes, check out these 50 Jokes From Children That Are Crazy Funny.

2 | I Googled "how to start a wildfire".

I got 48,500 matches!

For more on matches (of the internet variety, that is), check out these 15 Things You Don't Know about Google.

3 | What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause!

And to find out if you're feline fine or not, This is Why You're a Dog or Cat Person.

4 | Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

And for more sidesplitting humor, read up the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40.

5 | Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

Everything's fine. He woke up. But, according to your kid, they pay attention in school!

And for more child-borne hooey, 40 Lies Kids Say That Parents Always Fall For.

6 | How can you get four suits for a dollar?

Buy a deck of cards!

And for more laughs, check out The 50 Most Amazing Jokes From Comedy Legends.

7 | I was hoping to steal some leftovers from the party.

But my plans were foiled!

And for more groaners, check out the 30 Funniest Jokes in Popular Songs.

8 | Jokes about teachers on summer break are not funny.

They're just not working!

9 | What do you call someone wearing a belt with a watch attached to it?

A waist of time!

For wrist wear that isn't a waste, though, peek these 7 Must-Have New Vintage-Inspired Watches.

10 | I call toilets "the Jim" instead of "the John."

So I can tell people, "I visit the Jim several times a day!"

11 | What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

One says, "Spit out your gum," and the other says, "Choo choo choo!"

And for more hilarity, don't miss the 50 Amazing Jokes You Can Text to Friends.

12 | Money doesn't grow on trees, right?

So why does every bank have so many branches?

13 | My ex-wife still misses me.

But her aim is steadily improving!

For more matrimonial humor, check out The 30 Funniest Things Celebrities Have Said About Marriage.

14 | Vegans believe meat eaters and butchers are gross.

But those who sell you fruits and vegetables are grocer!

15 | What does a grape say after it's stepped on?

Nothing. It just lets out a little wine!

For more reasons to love wine, check out these 80 Amazing Health Benefits of Wine.

16 | I dig, you dig, she dig, we dig, you dig.

The poem may not be beautiful, but it's certainly very deep!

17 | A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

18 | When you get depressed in the middle of winter, just chuck some butter from your window.

You'll see a butterfly!

19 | What do computers snack on?

Microchips!

And for actually helpful computer advice, check out The Best Computer Desktop Backgrounds for Maximizing Your Productivity.

20 | Somebody stole all my lamps.

I couldn't be more delighted!

21 | Did you hear about the guy who broke his left arm and leg?

He's all right now!

22 | I was recently diagnosed with color-blindness.

It came out of the green!

23 | Why did the pig leave the party early?

Because everyone thought he was a boar!

Next, check out The 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Funny.

24 | Three guys walk into a bar.

They all said, ouch!

25 | I've been having insomnia, so I've started sleeping in our fireplace.

Now I sleep like a log!

To sleep like a log in real life, check out these 70 Tips For Your Best Sleep Ever.

26 | What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You're under a vest!

27 | I once worked in a bank...

But then I lost interest!

And for more laughs, read The Funniest Joke About Every U.S. State.

28 | A friend's dog swallowed a few coins.

He's keeping his eye on it, but says there's no change yet!

And for some seriously silly pet pampering advice, Here's Why You Should Talk to Your Dog Like It's a Baby.

29 | I bought an Impressionist painting, but my cat scratched it.

So I'm now selling it on, as a clawed Monet!

30 | You're becoming a vegetarian?

I think that's a big missed steak!

31 | Why don't teddy bears ever order dessert?

Because they're always stuffed!

32 | What do you say to a drunk who walks into a bar with jumper cables?

"You can stay. Just don't try to start anything!"

33 | I'd love to know how the Earth rotates.

It would totally make my day!

34 | What does a dog say when he sits down on a piece of sandpaper?

Ruff!

35 | 37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court.

They will be sentenced next Friday!

36 | I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there!

And for more silly signs, read the 30 Funniest Jokes On Road Warning Signs.

37 | What starts with E, ends with E, and has only one letter in it?

An envelope!

38 | An English teacher asked a student to name two pronouns.

The student answered, "Who, me?"

39 | Members of the archery club sometime meet at the cheese shop.

Just to shoot the Bries!

40 | I read a book about World War II that was only four pages long.

It was Abridged Too Far!

Want more painfully corny jokes? Check out these 50 Knock Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up.

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