50 Puns So Bad They’re Actually Funny

These one-liners are so silly and stupid you can't help but love them.

50 Puns So Bad They’re Actually Funny

These one-liners are so silly and stupid you can't help but love them.

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The only thing better than a good pun (wait—is there such a thing?) is a really, really bad one. You know the kind we’re talking about, the one-liners so ridiculous and stupid that they make you wince, and you laugh even though your brain is shouting at you, “Come on! That’s an insult to both of us!”

Loving a groan-worthy pun isn’t a sign that you’re losing grip on sanity. Quite the opposite, in fact. Loving the wordplay of a pun could be an indicator that you have higher-than-average mental agility and are more attractive to potential mates, according to a 2011 study published in the journal Intelligence. It also means that you’re not suffering from a lot of social insecurity. As author John Pollack explains in his book The Pun Also Rises: How the Humble Pun Revolutionized Language, Changed History, and Made Wordplay More Than Some Antics, people who hate puns also tend to be stick-in-the-mud fuddy-duddies. “If you have an approach to the world that is rules-based, driven by hierarchy and threatened by irreverence, then you’re not going to like puns,” he writes.

So let’s all take a break from the world and enjoy these 50 hand-selected puns that are guaranteed to make you groan, and then laugh, and maybe even forget all the insanity and jaw-clenching stress in the world, if only for a few minutes. And for more really silly humor, here are the 75 Jokes So Bad They’re Actually Funny.

bad puns

1
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.

It’s impossible to put down!

last minute gifts for him

2
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.

It was tense! And for more utter ridiculousness, take a look at The Ugliest Statue For Every U.S. State.

bad puns

3
How did the picture end up in jail?

It was framed!

bad puns

4
My ex-wife still misses me.

But her aim is starting to improve!

bad puns

5
I used to go fishing with Skrillex.

But he kept dropping the bass!

And for more lessons in humor, here are the 30 Wittiest Put-Downs Ever Uttered!

bad puns

6
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter!

bad puns

 

7
I asked a Frenchman if he played video games.

He said Wii!

bad puns

8
Sure, I drink brake fluid.

But I can stop anytime! And for more laughs, learn the 20 Funniest Things You Can Ask Your Amazon Alexa.

bad puns

9
My girlfriend thought I’d never be able to make a car out of spaghetti…

You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta!  

bad puns

10
Coffee has a rough time in our house.

It gets mugged every single morning!

bad puns

11
I just found out that I’m color blind.

The news came completely out of the green! And to keep the laughs coming, don’t miss these 20 Funny Things You Can Ask Siri

bad puns

12
What do you call the wife of a hippie?

A Mississippi!

bad puns

13
Whenever I undress in the bathroom…

My shower gets turned on! 

bad puns

14
I was walking through a quarry…

I said to the foreman, “That sure is a big rock!”

“Boulder,” he corrected me.

So I stuck out my chest and shouted, “THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!!

And for more silly trivia, here are the 50 Weirdest Town Names in America.

puns

15
My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore.

Or else they’ll ground me!

Cat grooming itself

16
Why didn’t the cat go to the vet?

He was feline fine!

bad puns

17
What should a lawyer always wear to a court?

A good lawsuit!

bad puns

18
Somebody stole all my lamps.

…and I couldn’t be more de-lighted!

bad puns

19
My wife refuses to go to a nude beach with me…

I think she’s just being clothes-minded! 

bad puns

20
The quickest way to make antifreeze?

Just steal her blanket!

bad puns

21
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie!

bad puns

22
What do you do with chemists when they die?

Barium!

bad puns

23
Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar…

You can’t tell me that’s just a coincidence!

bad puns

24
Never date someone cross-eyed…

You’ll always catch them seeing other people on the side!

bad puns

25
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator?

“Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!”

bad puns

26
Time flies like an arrow…

Fruit flies like a banana!

bad puns

27
How do you make a good egg-roll?

You push it down a hill!

bad puns

28
Apple is designing a new automatic car.

But they’re having trouble installing Windows!

bad puns

29
That baseball player was such a bad sport.

He stole third base and then just went home!

bad puns

30
I’ve started sleeping in our fireplace.

Now I sleep like a log!

bad puns

31
I have a few jokes about unemployed people…

But none of them work!

bad puns

32
Every soccer player’s favorite beverage?

Penal-tea!

bad puns

33
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It’s okay. He woke up!

bad puns

34
What do you call an overweight psychic?

A four-chin teller!

bad puns

35
I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer they came…

And then it hit me!

bad puns

36
Two egotists started a fight.

It was an I for an I!

bad puns

37
I’m glad I know sign language.

It can come in pretty handy!

ways to stick to a diet

38
Looks tasty.

Gimme a pizza that.

bad puns

39
A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes.

That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes!

bad puns

40
I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning…

But I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!

bad puns

41
Why did the scientist install a knocker on his front door?

He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

bad puns

42
My dad unfortunately passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type…

His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

bad puns

43
Did you hear about the guy who had his left leg and left arm amputated after a car crash?

He’s all right now!

steak puns

44
I became a vegetarian.

Huge missed-steak!

bad puns

45
What should you call an average potato?

A commen-tator!

bad puns

46
I bought some shoes on the drug black market…

I don’t know what they’re laced with, but I’ve been tripping all day!

bad puns

47
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?

He was lucky it was a soft drink!

bad puns

48
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought…

“That’s the last thing I need!”

bad puns

49
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off!

Brown bear

50
Why did the grizzly hate this article?

He can’t bear puns!

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