85 Hysterical "Anti-Jokes" We Can't Stop Reading
These gags are definitive proof that a good zinger doesn't need a punchline.
There are jokes, and then there are anti-jokes. What in the world is the latter? Think of it this way: All comedy is built on surprise. It's setting up an expectation and then deviating from it. You may not realize it, but most jokes follow these rules rules; the setup and punchline are satisfying because they follow a predictable formula. Anti-jokes turn that formula on its ear. The surprise comes from abandoning the entire premise of a joke.
In fact, the punchline in any good anti-joke denies the presence of a joke in the first place. It's funny because it's like the joke forgot that it was supposed to be funny. An anti-joke takes itself too seriously, too literally, or completely misses the point. A bad joke just tries and fails to be funny, but an anti-joke is funny because it's not even trying to be.
Intrigued? Well, scroll on, because we scoured the internet and consulted with online humorists for the funniest anti-jokes ever written. Here are 85 examples of anti-jokes that represent the genre at its finest.
- What do you call a joke that isn't funny? A sentence.
- Want to hear something that will make you smile? Your facial muscles.
- What do you call a pencil sharpener that can't sharpen pencils? Broken.
- Why did Josh get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
- Where was the Constitution signed? The bottom.
- Why did the girl drop her ice cream cone? She tripped over a pothole.
- Mary had a little lamb. And the doctor fainted.
- Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers aren't sentient and are incapable of feeling fear.
- A guy walks into a bar. Then he gets a drink and leaves.
- How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
- Chuck Norris walks into a bar. He gets treated with great respect since he's such a talented actor.
- What does a dad joke sound like in space? As cringe as it sounds on Earth.
- A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replies, "What? You have a drink called Steve?"
- What do you call a car wash that won't wash cars anymore? Broken.
- What do you get when you mix a goat and a sheep? A geep.
- What do you call a talking turtle? Fictional.
- A man walks into a bar. "Ouch."
- What would you call Santa Claus if he didn't have any elves? Probably still Santa Claus.
- Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
- Why can't dinosaurs laugh? Because they're all dead.
- What ended after 1987? 1988.
- What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn't know each other.
- What does one French Guy say to another French Guy? "My name is also Guy."
- Why did the dinosaur say "Hello" to the little girl? He was being polite.
- What's brown and sticky? A stick.
- How does the white-tail deer jump higher than the average house? This is due to their powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can't jump.
- You know what's really odd? Numbers that aren't divisible by two.
- I can still remember my Grandpa's last words before he kicked the bucket. He said, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
- My girlfriend is like an iPhone 7. She doesn't have a headphone jack.
- What do an elephant and a grape have in common? One of them is purple.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? Chickens do not have the cognitive ability to reason. Therefore, it was random.
- What is the funniest of all anti-jokes? Definitely not this one.
- I bought my wife a mood ring. I found out that if she's in a good mood it turns green. If she's in a bad mood it leaves big red circles on my forehead.
- Having your own child is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.
- What did one Spaniard say to the other Spaniard? I don't know; I don't speak Spanish.
- A proton walks into a bar. No one noticed it because protons are tiny and everywhere.
- Why do we dress baby boys in blue and baby girls in pink? Because they can't dress themselves.
- Yo mama's so fat. She should be concerned because diabetes is a serious health issue.
- What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance, because he has a rather serious head wound.
- I'd never tell you a pizza joke. It's way too cheesy.
- What's yellow and is something you shouldn't drink? A school bus.
- What did the cowboy say at his second rodeo? "This ain't my first rodeo!"
- When birds fly in a V, why is one side always longer than the other? Because there are more birds on one side.
- Why did Katie break open her piggy bank? She ran out of money.
- Scientific fact: If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
- What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
- I have glasses but cannot see. I have feet but cannot walk. What am I? A riddle.
- Why does Micheal J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses the finest ingredients.
- Why did the dinosaur eat the baby? He didn't. Humans did not appear until after the extinction of dinosaurs.
- A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave as they recognize the potential danger in the situation.
- How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
- Why did the swan hiss? Biologically, it's coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
- Knock, knock. I wonder who is at the door. I hope they know a good joke, since levity is important in this cruel life. You have to smile sometimes.
- What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? "We're both lawyers!"
- Why are there no Jewish people on Uranus? The nature of the planet does not sustain human life.
- What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
More Funny Anti-Jokes
- What's funny about five people in a Chevy Suburban driving off a cliff? Nothing. They were my friends.
- You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends. But you can't rob a bank. That's a felony.
- Why is there no aspirin in the rainforest? Because it wouldn't be financially viable to try and sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rainforest.
- You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
- What's the difference between bubble wrap and a carrot? No one eats carrots.
- What do you call a medical student who graduated last in their class? Doctor.
- I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger. But she did move to California in 1849.
- What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
- What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
- How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
- What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
- Why are hamsters like cigarettes? They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.
- If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it… Then my illegal logging company is a success.
- Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house? It's very tastefully furnished.
- How do you empty a pool full of Canadians? Politely but firmly tell them, "Get out of the pool, please!"
- What's orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
- What do you call a deer with no eyes? A deer. The absence of eyes doesn't change the species.
- What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
- A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is peculiar and realizes it is because he is actually dreaming. The man wakes up from the dream and begins to tell his wife all about it. His wife simply ignores him and goes back to sleep. The man rolls over and begins to sob as he realizes his marriage is in shambles.
- What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars. Except for the duck.
- How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They're a very efficient people.
- Why isn't Helen Keller a good driver? Because she passed away in 1968 and the deceased are incapable of operating automobiles.
- What did one cannibal say to the other after eating a clown? "We're gonna get in big trouble for this!"
- What is the best part about Switzerland? Personally, I love the beautiful mountains and scenery.
- What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor?"
- Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says, "Wow, it's hot in here." The other one says, "Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit."
- A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "Evolution."
- How tall is the Empire State Building? One Empire State Building tall.
- What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in your caramel apple. They usually cost more.
That's it for our list of anti-jokes! Be sure to check back with us soon for more fun. You can also sign up for our newsletter so you don't miss out on what's next!