100+ Funny Short Jokes That Guarantee a Laugh
These zingers are to-the-point and easy to remember.
Jokes come in all shapes and sizes, from the ones that require lots of setup and a healthy attention span to the quick zingers that you can shoot off without thinking. The major plus of short jokes is that they're easy to repeat from off the top of your head, meaning that the gags below are perfect for pulling out the next time you're hanging around with your friends, entertaining your kid, or trying to get a date. So, keep reading for over 100 of our favorite short jokes—and no, we don't mean jokes about people who aren't tall!
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Short Jokes Adults Will Love
- What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? "Make me one with everything."
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things literally.
- Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank the coffee before it was cool.
- Why did the nurse need a red pen? In case she needed to draw blood.
- Why don't calculus majors throw house parties? Because they don't want their guests to drink and derive.
- Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I'm still working on that one.
- Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
- I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
- What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? Thanks—I'll never part with it.
- Rest in peace, boiling water. You will be mist.
- Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu: You get what you deserve.
- How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it.
- What's red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator.
- What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
- What is Forrest Gump's password? 1Forrest1.
- Why do French people eat snails? They don't like fast food.
- What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.
- A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," the doctor said. "Those are just contractions."
- Why can't male ants sink? They're buoy-ant.
- What is an astronaut's favorite part on a computer? The space bar.
- Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
- What does the man on the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it.
- What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt.
- What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
- What's a private investigator's favorite shoe? Sneak-ers.
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Genuinely Funny Short Jokes
- What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse.
- Why aren't koalas actual bears? They don't meet the koalafications.
- Why did the M&M go to school? Because he wanted to be a Smartie.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
- What do you call a rooster staring at a piece of lettuce? A chicken sees a salad.
- Why couldn't the leopard play hide-and-seek? Because he was always spotted.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
- Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
- Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed.
- Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
- What did one traffic light say to the other? Stop looking at me, I'm changing.
- What do you call bears with no ears? B.
- What's a snake's favorite subject in school? Hiss-tory.
- What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
- What is sticky and brown? A stick.
- What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells.
- Why won't peanut butter tell you a secret? He's afraid you'll spread it.
- How do you throw a space party? You planet.
- Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? It needed help figuring out its problems.
- Why did the gym close down? It just didn't work out.
- Why do birds fly south in the winter? It's faster than walking.
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More Hilarious Short Jokes
- Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
- What's a cat's favorite dessert? A bowl full of mice-cream.
- What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.
- Do you know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
- A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey… and a cola." "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. "I'm not sure. I was born with them."
- What are a shark's two favorite words? Man overboard.
- Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
- What do you call a train carrying bubblegum? A chew-chew train.
- What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.
- Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through.
- What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.
- Here, I bought you a calendar. Your days are numbered now.
- Where do fish sleep? In a riverbed.
- What did one plate say to his friend? "Tonight, dinner is on me."
- Where are average things manufactured? The Satisfactory.
- I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
- Why doesn't the sun go to college? Because it already has a million degrees.
- What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.
- Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
- How do trees get online? They just log on.
- Where does the sheep get his haircut? The baa baa shop.
- Why did the orange stop? It ran out of juice.
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- You can only get spoiled milk from a pampered cow.
- I hate Russian dolls—they're so full of themselves.
- I have a fear of speed bumps, but I am slowly getting over it.
- A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
- I have many jokes about rich kids, but sadly, none of them work.
- One time my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles and he kept leaving little messages around the house.
- Some people think prison is one word, but to robbers, it's the whole sentence.
- If we shouldn't eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
- It's cleaning day so naturally, I've already polished off a whole chocolate bar.
- I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
- I never make mistakes; I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
- My girlfriend treats me like a god… she ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
- I invented a new word today: plagiarism.
- You think talk is cheap? Have you ever talked to a lawyer?
- Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road, so I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"
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Simple, Short Knock-Knock Jokes You'll Love
- Knock, knock. Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, cows go moo!
- Knock, knock. Who's there? Control freak. Con… OK, now you say, "Control freak who?"
- Knock knock. Who's there? A pile-up. A pile-up who? Oh no, yuck!
- Knock knock. Who's there? Urine. Urine who? Urine trouble!
- Knock, knock. Who's there? Figs. Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it's not working!
- Knock knock. Who's there? Ken. Ken who? Ken I come in?
- Knock knock. Who's there? Tank. Tank who? You're welcome.
- Knock, knock. Who's there? Nobel. Nobel who? Nobel, that's why I knocked!
- Knock, knock. Who's there? Luke. Luke who? Luke through the peephole and find out.
- Knock, knock. Who's there? Annie. Annie who? Annie thing you can do, I can do better!
- Knock, knock. Who's there? Hal. Hal who? Hal will you know if you don't open the door?
- Knock, knock. Who's there? Honey bee. Honey bee who? Honey, bee a dear and get that for me, please!
- Knock, knock. Who's there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? Hey, you can yodel!
Short, Funny Jokes From Reddit
- What do you do if you see a spaceman? Park in it, man.
- Velcro. What a ripoff.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- What did the fish say when he posted bail? "I'm off the hook!"
- A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
- What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
- Are you grumpy? Because you're certainly not happy or bashful.
- Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field.
- What do wooden whales eat? Plankton.
- What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
- What's the best time to go to the dentist? 2:30.
- You know what the problem is with jokes about pizza? It's all in the delivery.
- Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Whoops, I forgot to feed the dog."
- What did the fish say when he hit the wall? "Dam."
- Why are pirates called pirates? Who knows, they just arrr!
That's it for our list of short jokes. Be sure to check back with us soon for more laughs. You can also sign up for our newsletter so you don't miss out on what's coming next!