As the famed conductor and pianist Victor Borge once said, "Laughter is the closest distance between two people." If you’ve ever shared a joke with a close friend, you know that's true. Laughter bonds us and reinforces our relationships. A 2017 study in the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior found that a sense of humor can even be the foundation of a new friendship, because it demonstrates that you both share a similar worldview. If you laugh at the same things, the odds are pretty good that you also have the same values and interests. Need a few fresh jokes to spice things up with your bestie—or someone you want to be your bestie? We’ve got you covered. Here are 40 hilarious one-liner jokes guaranteed to put a smile on both of your faces.
Funny One-Liner Jokes
Best Life- I asked the IT guy, "How do you make a Motherboard?" He said, "I tell her about my job."
- Why was Cinderella dropped from the soccer team? She kept running away from the ball.
- I wanted my kids to watch the orchestra, but I had to turn it off. Too much sax and violins.
- How does a computer get drunk? It takes screen shots.
- Dogs can't see your bones. But CAT scan.
- What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
- My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk.
- Why are art collectors such big fans of gasoline? Because it makes their Van Gogh.
- Peter Pan is a terrible boxer. Whenever he throws a punch, it Neverlands.
- What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO.
- My dad died because he couldn’t remember his blood type. He kept insisting we "be positive," but it’s just so hard without him.
- If you commit a first degree murder in Canada, is it a 34 degree murder in the US?
- What do you call a noodle that doesn’t drink? Soba.
- A century ago, two brothers decided it was possible to fly. And as you can see, they were Wright.
- I had an appointment to see my psychic next week, but she just called to cancel. She said I won’t be able to make it.
- You do realize that vampires aren't real. Unless you Count Dracula.
- What do you call a bundle of hay in a church? Christian Bale.
- I always knock on the fridge door before opening it, just in case there's a salad dressing.
- My wife gave me an ultimatum: Her or my addiction to sweets. The decision was a piece of cake.
- If prisoners could take their own mugshots… they’d be called cellfies.
The Best One-Liner Jokes
Best Life- Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.
- I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn't work out. Turns out, good players are hard to find.
- A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, "You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking." "Now settle down," the doctor calmly told him. "You'll just have to learn to be a little patient."
- If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
- What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
- Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
- I wasn't that hungry, so I just ate a kid's meal at McDonalds. His mother was furious.
- What do you call a dead magician? An abra-cadaver.
- What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly? Stationary.
- How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.
- What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed? He goes under cover.
- I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. I can also tell when she’s standing.
- A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket. I asked him why and he said, "It's a moving violation."
- Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head. Because it’s cap-sized.
- My girlfriend says if we don’t get married soon, she’s gonna kill me. It’s a matter of wife or death.
- As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
- I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.
- Did you hear about the perfume that smells of nothing? I think it's total non-scents.
- Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch, Yeti never complains.
- The inventor of the throat lozenge died last month. There was no coffin at his funeral.
