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209 Dad Jokes So Bad They're Actually Hilarious

You don't have to have kids to appreciate the corniest, punniest dad jokes of all time.

Is there any genre of humor more satisfying than a cheesy dad joke? We don't think so. Because dad jokes aren't like regular jokes. They're multi-faceted and complex. They're funny because they're so desperately uncool that you're not even sure whether to laugh or grimace. Yup, a dad joke is loosely defined as a groaner so corny that you basically need to own a pair of white New Balance sneakers, a cell phone belt clip, and a coffee mug emblazoned with the phrase "World's Best Father" to actually find it funny. That's unless you're talking about the classic and hilarious dad jokes we've compiled right here. Read on, and enjoy!

READ THIS NEXT: 101 Actually Funny Clean Jokes for Any Situation.

When Did Dad Jokes Become Popular?

While it might feel like the concept of "dad jokes" has been around forever, there term only became part the lexicon in 1987, when Gettysburg Times columnist Jim Kalbaugh introduced it into a piece published on Father's Day of that year.

"As we approach Father's Day," he wrote, "I would like to propose that 'Dad' Jokes not be banned. They should be revered, preserved." Even after Kalbaugh's coinage, it took years for the term to really catch on. It wasn't until 2019 that "Dad Jokes" actually made its way into Merriam-Webster's Dictionary.

Why Do We Care?

History isn't the only reason why we care about dad jokes, because according to a group of researchers over at the British Psychological Society, these quips actually have the ability to make us better people.

"By continually telling their children jokes that are so bad that they're embarrassing, fathers may push their children's limits for how much embarrassment they can handle," the authors write. "They show their children that embarrassment isn't fatal. For a child who is approaching or has entered adolescence, which appears to be a sensitive period for sociocultural processing, this is an immensely valuable lesson."

The earlier we introduce our children to the experience, it seems, the more likely they'll be able to walk away from similar encounters unbothered and in control.

The Best Dad Jokes for Kids

father and son laughing together in the park
  1. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
  2. I just watched all the Harry Potter movies back-to-back with a friend. It maybe wasn't the best idea, because it meant I couldn't see the TV.
  3. How does a man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
  4. How does Darth Vader like his bagels? On the dark side.
  5. What's more unbelievable than a talking dog? A spelling bee.
  6. What is a calendar's favorite food? Dates.
  7. Why did the stadium get so hot after the game? Because all the fans left.
  8. What type of bear is toothless? A gummy bear.
  9. I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. It was clogged.
  10. I slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace.
  11. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. At least it does if you throw it hard enough.
  12. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
  13. I'll call you later. "Don't call me later, call me Dad."
  14. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
  15. What did the ranch say when someone opened the refrigerator door? "Close the door, I'm dressing."
  16. What did one hat say to the other? "You go on ahead."
  17. I just got hit in the head with a soda can. Thankfully it was a soft drink.
  18. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
  19. I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
  20. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
  21. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
  22. What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
  23. Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
  24. What does a pampered cow produce? Spoiled milk.
  25. What do you call a mac 'n' cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
  26. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
  27. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
  28. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it.
  29. Why did the old man fall into the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
  30. What do you call a factory that sells decent products? A satisfactory.
  31. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
  32. Within minutes, the detectives knew what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case.
  33. Not to brag but I made six figures last year. I was also named the worst employee at the toy factory.
  34. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
  35. My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?"And I told him, "No it doesn't."

READ THIS NEXT: 183 Jokes for Kids That Provide Good, Clean Fun.

Classic Dad Jokes

father and son exchanging dad jokes
  1. Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.
  2. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
  3. Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is.
  4. What's worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.
  5. Why did the nose feel sad? Because it was always getting picked on.
  6. Why was the football stadium cold? There were too many fans.
  7. Why did the deer go to the dentist? It had buck teeth.
  8. Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
  9. A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
  10. What does a baby computer call his father? "Data."
  11. What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.
  12. I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
  13. Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
  14. What is a funny mountain called? Hill-arious.
  15. What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forest1.
  16. I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.
  17. What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.
  18. My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
  19. Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money? It suffered from withdrawals.
  20. I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.
  21. My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.
  22. Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak days.
  23. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
  24. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  25. Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally, my high school karate lessons have started to pay off.
  26. So a vowel saves another vowel's life. The other vowel says, "Aye E. I owe you."
  27. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
  28. My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex. They're his watch dogs.
  29. I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It's a little fishy.
  30. Five out of four people admit they're bad with fractions.
  31. When the grocery store clerk asks me if I want the milk in a bag, I always tell him, "No, I'd rather drink it out of the carton."
  32. Can February March? No, but April May.
  33. The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this.
  34. After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it.
  35. This morning, Siri said, "Don't call me Shirley." I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.
  36. Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery? Because it didn't habanero.
  37. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
  38. I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs.
  39. A guy walked into a bar and saw a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse tending bar before?" The guy says, "It's not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place."

Funny Dad Jokes

father giving his son a shoulder ride while telling dad jokes
  1. A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson. Then a Fender."
  2. I accidentally dropped my pillow on the floor. I think it has a concushion.
  3. Someone complimented my parking today. They left a sweet note on my windshield that said "parking fine."
  4. St. Francis worked at Krispy Kreme. He was a deep friar.
  5. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That's the punch line.
  6. In America, using the metric system can get you in legal trouble. In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart.
  7. Some people can't distinguish between etymology and entomology. They bug me in ways I can't put into words.
  8. My hotel tried to charge me $10 extra for air conditioning. That wasn't cool.
  9. Why do nurses like red crayons? Because sometimes they have to draw blood.
  10. I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.
  11. Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks? Minnesota.
  12. Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? They just seem a little shady.
  13. What did the policeman say to his belly button? "You're under a vest."
  14. I've been bored recently so I've decided to take up fencing. The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back.
  15. Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems.
  16. I don't go to funerals that start before noon. I guess I'm just not a mourning person.
  17. One of my favorite memories as a kid was when my brothers used to put me inside a tire and roll me down a hill. Those were Goodyears.
  18. I'm addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums. I need Help.
  19. What does the cell say to his sister when she steps on his toe? "Oh my toe, sis."
  20. What do scholars eat when they're hungry? Academia nuts.
  21. What do you call an ant that has been shunned by his community? A socially dissed ant.
  22. A Vicks VapoRub truck overturned on the highway this morning. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.
  23. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
  24. What did the evil chicken lay? Deviled eggs.
  25. What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater.
  26. Where do young trees learn math? Elementree school.
  27. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
  28. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  29. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.
  30. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food here."
  31. What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  32. What rhymes with boo and stinks? You.
  33. How do you tell the difference between a bull and a milk cow? It is either one or the utter.
  34. I got a hen to regularly count her own eggs. She's a real mathamachicken.
  35. What do you call a donkey with only three legs? A wonkey.
  36. Did you hear about the ice cream truck accident? It crashed on a rocky road.
  37. What do dogs and phones have in common? Both have collar ID.
  38. When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.

RELATED: 100+ Hilarious Jokes No One Is Too Old to Laugh At.

The Best Corny Dad Jokes

father and daughter making silly faces at home
  1. What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool? Rock pay-for scissors.
  2. I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."
  3. The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
  4. My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
  5. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
  6. What's an astronaut's favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
  7. I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.
  8. How does a lawyer say goodbye? "I'll be suing ya."
  9. What did one wall say to the other wall? "I'll meet you at the corner."
  10. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
  11. Wanna hear a joke about construction? Well, you'll have to wait—I'm still working on it.
  12. A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, "How long have you suffered from that condition?" The guy tells him, "Since next Monday."
  13. What rock group has four men that don't sing? Mount Rushmore.
  14. Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Cause you shouldn't press your luck.
  15. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.
  16. I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
  17. I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
  18. When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
  19. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
  20. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
  21. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
  22. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
  23. What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.
  24. What's the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
  25. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
  26. Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.
  27. A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere.
  28. I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary. I told him, "Mark, my words."
  29. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
  30. What's ET short for? Because he's only got tiny legs.
  31. Student: "Can I go to the bathroom?" Teacher: "It's 'may.'" Student: "No, it's January."
  32. I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes.
  33. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? "Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
  34. Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
  35. After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Because he had a ton of sick beets.
  36. My dog used to chase people on a scooter a lot. It got so bad we had to take his scooter away.

RELATED: 150+ Funny Short Jokes That Guarantee a Laugh.

One-Liner Dad Jokes

family making silly faces together – Yuri A/Shutterstock
  1. I just gave my too-weak notice at the gym.
  2. That circus fire was in tents.
  3. A guy walks into a bar and is immediately disqualified from the limbo contest.
  4. Justice is a dish best served cold because it was served warm, it would be justwater.
  5. I never buy pre-shredded cheese because doing it yourself is grate.
  6. I used to run a dating service for chickens but I was struggling to make hens meet.
  7. I wish the flu had started in Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
  8. I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop but it was sole destroying.
  9. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
  10. I'm always getting sick during the week because I have a weekend immune system.
  11. I used to play piano by ear but now I use my hands.
  12. I have a great joke about nepotism, but I'll only tell it to my kids.
  13. I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let's make this interesting" so we stopped playing chess.
  14. Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns—that's just how eye roll.
  15. I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed.
  16. Spring is here and I got so excited I wet my plants.
  17. If towels could tell jokes, I think they'd have a very dry sense of humor.
  18. I spent a lot of time, money, and effort child-proofing my house… but the kids still got in.
  19. My wife said I was immature so I told her to get out of my fort.
  20. If the early bird catches the worm, I'll sleep in until there are pancakes.
  21. A witch's vehicle goes brrrroom brrrroom.
  22. I'm starting a new dating service in Prague called "Czech-Mate."
  23. I sold our vacuum cleaner because it was just gathering dust.
  24. It hurts me to say this, but I have a sore throat.
  25. I don't trust stairs because they're always up to something.
  26. The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
  27. If two vegans get in a fight, is it still considered a beef?
  28. If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
  29. I know a lot of jokes about retired people but none of them work.
  30. I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport, I'm just doing it for kicks.
  31. I invented a new word today: Plagiarism.
  32. If an English teacher is convicted of a crime and doesn't complete the sentence, is that a fragment?
  33. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
  34. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo so I had to put my foot down.
  35. I thought about going on an all-almond diet but that's just nuts.
  36. I tell dad jokes but I have no kids… I'm a faux pa.

READ THIS NEXT: 109 Best Yo Mama Jokes of All Time.

The Best Dad Joke Puns

father giving son a shoulder ride taking a selfie
  1. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
  2. Why do Dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole-in-one.
  3. Why couldn't the astronaut land on the moon? Because it was full.
  4. Why do dogs float in water? Because they are good buoys.
  5. What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to? Plymouth rock.
  6. What do you call a shoe made of a banana? A slipper.
  7. What is the tallest building in the world? The library—it's got the most stories.
  8. What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbee-lievable.
  9. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  10. What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish.
  11. What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
  12. What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon Prime account? Prime mates.
  13. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
  14. Why don't skeletons ever go trick-or-treating? Because they have no body to go with.
  15. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
  16. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
  17. What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
  18. Air used to be free at the gas station, now it's $1.50. Do you know why? Inflation.
  19. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
  20. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands.
  21. What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.
  22. What do Santa's elves listen to as they work? Wrap music.
  23. Did you hear about the bacon cheeseburger who couldn't stop telling jokes? It was on a roll.
  24. Why was the coach yelling at a vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.
  25. Why do vampires seem sick? They're always coffin.

Wrapping Up

That's it for our list of funny dad jokes, but be sure to check back in with us soon for even more fun. You can also sign up for our newsletter so you don't miss out on what's next!

Carrie Weisman
Carrie Weisman oversees all SEO efforts at Best Life. She specializes in content optimization and editorial marketing. Read more
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