75 Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Actually Funny

Why did the chicken cross the road? To hear these total groaners!

75 Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Actually Funny

Why did the chicken cross the road? To hear these total groaners!

A bad joke is just a bad joke, but sometimes a joke is so jaw-droppingly stupid that it transcends its own awfulness and reaches a higher plane of funny. You don’t want to laugh—every self-respecting part of your brain is rejecting the guffawing impulse—but you can’t help yourself.

Now, it’s been a long year of bad news, so let’s all take a much needed reprieve and enjoy (or cringe in horror at) some jokes terrible enough to be funny. Call them “dad jokes” if you must, but it’s not just dads who love a good groaner. And for more horrible phrases—albeit ones you should avoid—be sure to brush up on the 40 Things Men Over 40 Should Never Say.

bad jokes

1
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

bad jokes that are actually funny

2
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

And for more great trivia, here are 15 words from the 90s no one uses anymore. 

bad jokes that are actually funny

3
What does a zombie vegetarian eat?

“Graaaaaaaains!”

bad jokes that are actually funny

4
My new thesaurus is terrible.

Not only that, but it’s also terrible.

bad jokes that are actually funny

5
Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife?

He needed his space.

bad jokes that are actually funny

6
I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

bad jokes that are actually funny

7
I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict.

So I’m going home for the hollandaise.

Speaking of food, here are 40 Dishes Everyone Over 40 Should Master. 

bad jokes that are actually funny

8
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?

“Oh sheet!”

bad jokes that are actually funny

9
I like to spend every day as if it’s my last.

Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.

If you’re not getting enough sleep, here’s the Sleep Secret Cure Everyone’s Talking About. 

bad jokes that are actually funny

10
Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?

‘Cause the cow’s got the udder!

bad jokes that are actually funny

11
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

bad jokes thats actually funny

12
What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield?

Its butt.

bad jokes that are actually funny

13
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

“Supplies!”

bad jokes that are actually funny

14
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

There would be mass confusion!

bad jokes that are actually funny

15
It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad.

It’s a faux pa.

For more on fatherhood, here are 11 leading men who happily embraced fatherhood later in life. 

bad jokes that are actually funny

16
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

“Robin, get in the car.”

bad jokes that are actually funny

17
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.

But it’s only mild.

bad jokes that are actually funny

18
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because it’s pointless!

bad jokes that are actually funny

19
Why did the scarecrow win an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

bad jokes that are actually funny

20
What did the buffalo say when his son left?

Bison!

bad jokes that are actually funny

21
I was sitting in traffic the other day.

Probably why I got run over.

bad jokes that are actually funny

22
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll.

bad jokes

23
What’s red and shaped like a bucket?

A blue bucket painted red.

ants on a leaf, representing bad joke

24
What don’t ants get sick?

They have anty-bodies.

bad jokes that are actually funny

25
What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fssshh.

bad jokes that are actually funny

26
Why do you smear peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam.

door ajar, part of a bad joke

27
When is your door not actually a door?

When it’s actually ajar.

bad jokes that are actually funny

28
My grandfather has the heart of a lion…

…and a lifetime ban from the New York City Zoo.

 

Beef grass pasture

29
What’s green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

pool, billiards, second date ideas

30
What’s green, fuzzy, and would hurt if it fell on you out of a tree?

A pool table.

bad jokes that are actually funny

31
A communist joke isn’t funny…

… unless everyone gets it.

bad jokes that are actually funny

32
My new girlfriend told me I’m terrible in bed.

I don’t think it’s fair to make a judgement like that in less than a minute.

bad jokes that are actually funny

33
What happens to pastors who eat chili dogs?

They have to sit in their own pew.

bad jokes that are actually funny

34
Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

bad jokes that are actually funny

35
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.

Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

bad jokes that are actually funny

36
What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden?

Artificial Swedener.

bad jokes that are actually funny

37
Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow?

It’s making headlines.

bad jokes that are actually funny

38
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?

Bob.

save 40 percent of your paycheck

39
What do you call a man who can’t stand?

Neil.

Polar bear

40
What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?

A polar bear.

bad jokes that are actually funny

41
I’m thinking about removing my spine.

I feel like it’s only holding me back.

bad jokes that are actually funny

42
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

bad jokes that are actually funny

43
I’m terrified of elevators…

… so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.

bad jokes that are actually funny

44
Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes?

Probably not, they haven’t had a gig yet.

bad jokes that are actually funny

45
What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

bad jokes that are actually funny

46
I used to hate facial hair…

… but then it grew on me.

bad jokes that are actually funny

47
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

bad jokes that are actually funny

48
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles.

bad jokes that are actually funny

49
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey…

… but then I turned myself around.

bad jokes that are actually funny

50
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

“Oops!”

bad jokes that are actually funny

51
I watched hockey before it was cool.

They were basically swimming.

tying shoes lace up

52
There’s no hole in your shoe?

Then how’d you get your foot in it?

Beef cattle cows

53
A cowherd counted 48 cows on his property.

But when he rounded them up, he had 50.

words that reveal your age

54
When the two rabbit ears got married, it was a nice ceremony.

But the reception was amazing.

Bicycle, scandalous

55
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up?

Because it was too tired.

Beef chicken lol

56
A chicken coup only has two doors.

If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

fish tank bad jokes

57
Three fish are in a tank.

One asks the others, “How do you drive this thing?”

crab bad jokes

58
Why don’t crabs donate?

Because they’re shellfish.

pirate facebook

59
What did Blackbird say when he turned eighty?

“Aye, matey.”

raw fish isn't very good for cats

60
How does your feline shop?

By reading a catalogue.

woman shoplifting

61
It’s hard to teach kleptomaniacs humor.

They take things so literally.

omelet eggs stay sharp

62
Sunny-side up, scrambled, or an omelet?

It doesn’t matter. They’re all eggcellent.

personal trainer secrets

63
Don’t worry if you miss a gym session.

Everything will work out.

eating on a schedule will not help you lose weight

64
Ever tried to eat a clock?

It’s time-consuming.

real estate, open house. second date ideas

65
Who can jump higher than a house?

Pretty much anyone. (Houses can’t jump.)

apple orange

66
What do an apple and an orange have in common?

Neither one can drive.

grass fed beef tom brady diet healthy man

67
Why did the businessman invest in Smith & Wollensky?

He wanted to stake his claim.

Friends drinking beer

68
Five guys walk into a bar.

You think one of them would’ve seen it.

hobbies for your 40s

69
What do you a call a door when it’s not a door?

Ajar.

bad jokes garbage truck trash

70
This sweet ride has four wheels and flies. It’s…

A garbage truck.

condo buildings

71
How many bugs do you need to rent out an apartment?

Tenants.

camping tents

72
I want to go camping every year.

That trip was so in tents.

Bananas

73
Wait, you don’t want to hear a joke about potassium?

K.

space

74
How do you organize a space-themed hurrah?

You planet.

you better is something no husband wants to hear

75
Your ex.

That’s the punchline.

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