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250 Bad Jokes So Dumb They're Actually Funny

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

Sometimes a dumb joke is just that: a dumb joke. But every once in a while, you encounter a few bad jokes so jaw-droppingly ridiculous that they transcend their own awfulness to reach a higher plane of funny. Try as you may not to laugh, we are all, on some level, powerless to a funny joke that revels in their own cringe-iness. To prove it, we've rounded up 250 of our favorites. And we're talking jokes so stupid they come full circle into being actually hilarious.

RELATED: 140 Dark Jokes for Those Who Need a Twisted Laugh

Why Do We Love Bad Jokes?

How can something so dumb be funny? Why do we laugh at jokes that should make us roll our eyes instead? And are there any cognitive rewards for engaging in such silly behavior? While the science is still out on the first couple of points, researchers have come up with an answer for the third.

Turns out, it's the shifting of expectations and the unexpected punchlines that really get us going. According to one theory, "Laughter occurs… when an individual grasps a double meaning in a statement and thus sees the statement in a completely new light."

The best part? Stupid jokes tend to hit hardest when we're with friends. A 2004 study published in the journal Current Directions in Psychological Science actually found that we're 30 times more likely to laugh with friends than we are when we're alone. So grab a friend to share these with, because we've put together a collection of the most ridiculous, out-there, and downright stupid jokes the internet has to offer.

Bad Jokes Your Dad Would Love

What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? "Oh sheet!"
Best Life
  1. Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.
  2. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
  3. What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop.
  4. What do you call a monkey that loves Doritos? A chipmunk.
  5. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
  6. When's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurt-y.
  7. What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
  8. Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole-in-one.
  9. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
  10. What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes? Corny.
  11. Why do fish live in saltwater? Because pepper makes them sneeze.
  12. What kind of streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends.
  13. Why do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
  14. What kind of dogs love car racing? Lapdogs.
  15. What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent? "Show me the honey!"
  16. What do you call birds who stick together? Vel-crows.
  17. What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A steak out.
  18. What happens when a frog's car breaks down? It gets toad.
  19. What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but its flag is a big plus.
  20. Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he neverlands.
  21. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? "Graaaaaaaains!"
  22. What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? "Oh sheet!"
  23. Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs? 'Cause the cow's got the udder.
  24. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.
  25. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"
  26. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
  27. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? "Robin, get in the car."
  28. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
  29. What did the buffalo say when his son left? "Bison."
  30. When is your door not actually a door? When it's ajar.
  31. What's green, fuzzy, and would hurt if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.
  32. What does a house wear? Address.
  33. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
  34. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob.
  35. What's the dumbest animal in the jungle? A polar bear.
  36. Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
  37. Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes? Probably not, they haven't had a gig yet.

RELATED: 100 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At.

More Bad Jokes You Don't Want to Miss

Why didn't the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.
Best Life
  1. Where do polar bears vote? At the North Pole.
  2. Where did the computer go dancing? The disc-o.
  3. What do clouds wear under their shorts? Thunderpants.
  4. What do you call a dangerous sun shower? A rain of terror.
  5. What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
  6. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
  7. Why didn't the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.
  8. What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? "Oops!"
  9. What does a baby computer call its father? "Data."
  10. There's no hole in your shoe? Then how'd you get your foot in it?
  11. What did one wall say to the other? "I'll meet you at the corner."
  12. When the two rabbit ears got married, it was a nice ceremony. But the reception was amazing.
  13. A chicken coop only has two doors. If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
  14. What do you call a man who can't stand? Neil.
  15. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
  16. Why don't crabs donate? Because they're shellfish.
  17. What did Blackbeard the pirate say when he turned 80? "Aye, matey."
  18. How does your feline shop? By reading a catalog.
  19. Sunny-side up, scrambled, or an omelet? It doesn't matter. They're all egg-cellent.
  20. Ever tried to eat a clock? It's time-consuming.
  21. Who can jump higher than a house? Pretty much anyone.
  22. Why did the businessman invest in Smith & Wollensky? He wanted to stake his claim.
  23. Five guys walk into a bar. You think one of them would've seen it.
  24. This sweet ride has four wheels and flies. It's a garbage truck.
  25. How many bugs do you need to rent out an apartment? Ten ants.
  26. Wait, you don't want to hear a joke about potassium? K.
  27. How do you feel when there's no coffee? Depresso.
  28. I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? "Stay out of those places!"
  29. Where did the king keep his armies? Up his sleevies.
  30. What are the biggest enemies of caterpillars? Dogerpillers.
  31. Who invented the round table? Sir Cumference.
  32. What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung? The guardians of the Galaxy.
  33. There are three types of people in the world. Those of us who are good at math and those of us who aren't.
  34. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
  35. What do you call HIJKLMNO? H20.
  36. What do you call a dog with no legs? You can call him whatever you want, he's still not coming.
  37. Why did the man get fired from his job at the calendar factory? He took a couple of days off.
  38. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Because he always gets a hole in one.
  39. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he eventually woke up.
  40. What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep? Well, now, all of them.
  41. A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange." So I replied, "No it doesn't."
  42. If you're American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom? European.
  43. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.
  44. What did the drummer call his two twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two.

RELATED: 150+ Funny Short Jokes That Guarantee a Laugh.

Bad Jokes for Kids

How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark.
Best Life
  1. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was too tired.
  2. What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach? "It's not you, it's a-me!"
  3. What's the award for being the best dentist? A little plaque.
  4. What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment.
  5. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
  6. Why was the math teacher late to work? She took the rhombus.
  7. What did the lawyer wear to court? A lawsuit.
  8. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
  9. Can February March? No, but April May!
  10. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  11. Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
  12. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!
  13. What's red and shaped like a bucket? A blue bucket painted red.
  14. Why don't ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.
  15. What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.
  16. How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark.
  17. What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi.
  18. What did the duck say when she bought lipstick? "Put it on my bill."
  19. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  20. What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid.
  21. What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain? "Hi, Cliff!"
  22. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
  23. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
  24. Why do the French eat snails? They don't like fast food.
  25. Why did the teacher love the whiteboard? She just thought it was remarkable.
  26. What rock group has four members but doesn't make a sound? Mt. Rushmore.
  27. Why do you smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
  28. What did the finger say to the thumb? "I'm in glove with you."
  29. How do you organize a space-themed party? You planet.
  30. What do you call an empty can of Cheese Whiz? Cheese Was.
  31. What concert costs only 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickelback.
  32. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
  33. What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt.
  34. What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? "Cashew."
  35. Why do ghosts love elevators? Because it lifts their spirits.
  36. What's the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle.
  37. Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot.

RELATED: 100+ Hilarious Jokes No One Is Too Old to Laugh At.

Really Bad Jokes

I'd like to go to Holland someday. Wooden shoe?
Best Life
  1. Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.
  2. What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? "HDMI."
  3. My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.
  4. Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.
  5. A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
  6. What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
  7. Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
  8. I'd like to go to Holland someday. Wooden shoe?
  9. What kind of car runs on leaves? An autumn-mobile.
  10. I tried to organize a professional hide-and-seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
  11. What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool? Rock pay-for scissors.
  12. What do you call a magic dog? A Labracadabrador.
  13. Where do mansplainers get their water? From a well, actually.
  14. Why are social media influencers afraid when they go to the woods alone at night? They're constantly being followed.
  15. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? "Breathe, damn it! Breathe!"
  16. They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
  17. Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
  18. What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
  19. I like to spend every day as if it's my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
  20. What did one hat say to the other? "Stay here! I'm going on ahead."
  21. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.
  22. What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? "Make me one with everything."
  23. I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
  24. Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties? Because they're such fungis.
  25. How many lips does a flower have? Tu-lips.
  26. What kind of car does an egg drive? A yolkswagen.
  27. Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.
  28. How can you make seven an even number? Just take away the "s."
  29. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Just follow the fresh prints.
  30. What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
  31. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
  32. What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? A stick.
  33. Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable.
  34. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
  35. What does a pampered cow give us? Spoiled milk.
  36. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
  37. What do you call cheese that's not your cheese? Nacho cheese.
  38. What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
  39. Why didn't the teddy bear eat dessert? He was stuffed.
  40. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  41. Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? Because it's pointless.
  42. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? "Dinner is on me."
  43. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.
  44. What is a witch's favorite lesson at school? Spelling.
  45. What do an apple and an orange have in common? Neither one can drive.
  46. Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window? To see a butter-fly.

RELATED: 220 Jokes for Kids That Are Good, Clean Fun

Dumb Jokes That Are Really Funny

How can you spot a baby snake? It's got a rattle.
Best Life
  1. What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? "Dam."
  2. What causes dry skin? A towel.
  3. What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke? …
  4. Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the "no-bell" prize.
  5. Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? 10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.
  6. What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1.
  7. Did you hear about the medieval lamp? It's a knight light.
  8. Why did the computer get glasses? It wanted to improve its website.
  9. What's the difference between a rabbit and a plum? They're both purple except for the rabbit.
  10. Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
  11. Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
  12. Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For drizzle.
  13. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator.
  14. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
  15. Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected foul play.
  16. How much do roofs cost? Nothing. They're on the house.
  17. What's the best way to put a spaceship to sleep? Rocket.
  18. Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
  19. How do birds learn how to fly? They wing it.
  20. What's the best way to watch a fishing show? Live stream.
  21. What kind of shoes do bananas wear? Slippers.
  22. Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
  23. Where do elephants store their clothes? In a trunk.
  24. What kind of bug can tell time? A clock roach.
  25. The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
  26. What do you get when you cross a grocery store and a scientist? Market research.
  27. How can you spot a baby snake? It's got a rattle.
  28. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
  29. What do you call a cold parrot? A brrr-d.
  30. What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden? Artificial Swedener.
  31. What's white and can't climb trees? A fridge.
  32. What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? "That hit the spot."
  33. How do celebrities stay cool? They have a lot of fans.
  34. What do you call a cold dog? A chili dog.
  35. What did one horse say to the other? "You mustang out with me."
  36. When does Friday come before Thursday? In the dictionary.
  37. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom.
  38. Have you heard the one about the bad pole-vaulter? It never goes over very well.
  39. So what if I don't know what "Armageddon" means? It's not the end of the world.
  40. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke. Thank goodness it was a soft drink.

RELATED: 95 Adult Dirty Jokes So Racy You'll Want to Cover Your Eyes.

Hilariously Bad One-Liners

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
Best Life
  1. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let you know.
  2. Don't trust atoms—they make up everything.
  3. My daughter thinks I don't give her enough privacy—at least that's what she wrote in her diary.
  4. I tried to catch a frog yesterday, but I mist.
  5. My favorite word is "drool." It just rolls off the tongue.
  6. I'm thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it's only holding me back.
  7. Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow? It's making headlines.
  8. Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
  9. My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.
  10. I don't like artists. They tend to be sketchy.
  11. Your ex. That's the punchline.
  12. I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.
  13. I just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
  14. I like elephants. Everything else is irrelephant.
  15. I'm not a big fan of stairs. They're always up to something.
  16. I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal. Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.
  17. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
  18. I put my root beer into a square glass. Now it's just beer.
  19. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
  20. Before the invention of the wheel… Everything was a drag.
  21. Fun fact: Australia's biggest export is boomerangs. It's also their biggest import.
  22. The guy that invented the umbrella was gonna call it the "brella," but he hesitated.
  23. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That's the punch line.
  24. I'm really excited for the next autopsy club. It's open Mike night.
  25. I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
  26. A communist joke isn't funny unless everyone gets it.
  27. I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.
  28. I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. But it's only mild.
  29. It's inappropriate to make a "dad joke" if you are not a dad. It's a faux pa.
  30. Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion.
  31. I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!
  32. I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, you want to see how far I can kick this bucket?"
  33. I want to go camping every year. That trip was so in tents.
  34. Don't worry if you miss a gym session. Everything will work out.
  35. It's hard to teach kleptomaniacs humor. They take things so literally.
  36. A cowherder counted 48 cows on his property. But when he rounded them up, he had 50.
  37. I watched hockey before it was cool. They were basically swimming.
  38. You know, I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.
  39. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but then I turned myself around.
  40. I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me eggs benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
  41. My dad's answer to everything is alcohol. He doesn't drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles.
  42. My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, it's also terrible.
  43. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
  44. Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.
  45. I'm terrified of elevators so I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
  46. I have learned so much from my mistakes that i'm thinking of making few more.

Wrapping Up

That's it for our list of stupid jokes, but be sure to check back with us soon for even more laughs.

Carrie Weisman
Carrie Weisman oversees all SEO efforts at Best Life. She specializes in content optimization and editorial marketing. Read more
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