30 Inappropriate Jokes That Will Make You Both Laugh and Cringe
We promise you'll crack a smile; we can't promise you won't feel guilty about it.
It's been said that analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested, and the frog dies because of it. So we won't delve too deeply into why we love inappropriate jokes so much—you know, the kind of humor that used to be called "NSFW" when most of us were still at an office and not working from home.
But speaking of the pandemic, that may be a large part of why we crave the non-family-friendly jokes that make us cringe as much as laugh. Research, including a 2016 study published in the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, has shown that laughter doesn't just make us feel good, it may also increase our body's ability to fight pain, decrease stress, and even prevent disease. So here are 30 new filthy jokes to make you smile while you wince—which just might be the very thing your head and heart need right now.
- My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records, but then the librarian told me to take it out.
- Having sex in an elevator is wrong. On so many levels
- What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
- What do you call a guy who cries when he masturbates? A tearjerker.
- What did the banana say to the vibrator? "Why are you shaking? She's going to eat me!"
- What's brown and really bad for your dental health? A baseball bat.
- What kind of bees make milk? Boo-bees.
- I'll never forget my grandma's last words: "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
- How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree? Wave.
- Why did the snowman suddenly smile? He could see the snowblower coming.
- What's a 6.9? Another great thing screwed up by a period.
- What did the elephant ask the naked man? "How do you breathe out of that thing?"
- What do you call a nanny with breast implants? A faux-pair.
- Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake.
- They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
- My dad is exactly like Santa. I hear so many good things about him, but he only visits our home once a year, and I never even see him.
- Sex is like a burrito, don't unwrap or that baby's in your lap.
- Did you hear about the man who ran in front of a bus? He got tired.
- Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun. But careless Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
- What do you do if your wife starts smoking? Slow down and use some lubricant.
- Do you want to hear a joke about my vagina? Never mind, you'll never get it.
- Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
- When I die, I want to be cremated. It's my last chance to have a smokin' hot body.
- I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."
- How do you find a blind man at a nude beach? It isn't hard.
- Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day, but push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
- If you're walking through the forest and stumble across a dead body, what's the first thing you should do? Check your map, because you're obviously going in circles.
- What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off.
- What does a vampire do with boiling water and a tampon? Make tea.
- What does a horny frog say? "Rub it."