50 Amazing Jokes You Can Text to Friends
Want to put a smile on someone's face? Try #5.
Everyone can use a good laugh now and then. Since texting is the most common form of communication for many people, why not work a few textable jokes into your repertoire? From classic one liners to contemporary puns, these 50 textable jokes translate well on the screen. And when you want to brighten someone’s day in person, start with the 50 Knock Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up!
Two men walk into a bar.
The third one ducks!
For more silly humor, check out the 50 Dad Jokes So Bad They’re Actually Hilarious.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9!
For more goofy humor, here are the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40.
I’m reading an antigravity book
It’s impossible to put down!
To keep those laughs coming, read the Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State.
What kind of cheese doesn’t belong to you?
Zing! And for cleverer jokes, check out the 30 Funniest Jokes from Celebrity Roasts!
You can’t trust atoms.
They make up everything!
For more hilarious puns, enjoy the 50 Puns So Bad They’re Actually Funny.
Why do mushrooms get invited to all the best parties?
Because they are such fungis!
For more utter silliness, here are the 30 Hilarious Things People Have Put on Their Résumés.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to the barking lot!
Want more laughs? Start with the The 30 Funniest Sitcom Jokes of All Time.
Why do potatoes argue?
Because they can’t see eye to eye!
For more great laughs, check out 50 Amazing Jokes From Comedy Legends.
Can February March?
No, but April May!
What’s the loneliest cheese?
To keep the laughs coming, check out the 30 Funniest Memes of All Time.
What kind of dog does Dracula have?
Did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
And when you’re in the market for a new ‘do, pick from the 15 Best Men’s Haircuts for Looking Instantly Younger!
What do you call a cold dog?
A chili dog!
And for the record: Chili dogs are definitely not one of the 50 Foods That Will Make You Look Younger.
Why did the cat run away from the tree?
It was afraid of the bark!
And for more jokes at your pet’s expense, here are 15 Animals with Ridiculously Impressive Titles.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny!
Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes?
They’d crack each other up!
How do you fix a broken tomato?
Why did the hipster burn his tongue on coffee?
Because he drank it before it was cool!
Why did the farmer win an award?
He was out standing in his field!
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships!
Why do melons have weddings?
Because they cantaloupe!
What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato?
What did the ocean say to the shore?
Nothing, it just waved!
Why do birds fly south?
It’s easier than walking!
What’s a plant’s favorite drink?
Do you think..
Earth makes fun of other planets for having no life?!
Who cleans the ocean?
Is such a rip-off!
What kind of songs do tortillas write?
What’s the best time to go to the dentist?
Why don’t people like Russian dolls?
Because they are full of themselves!
You know what they say about cliffhangers…
What did the hungry clock do?
It went back 4 seconds!
What’s the best season for trampolines?
What kind of button doesn’t button or unbutton?
A belly button!
Why did the two 4s skip dinner?
They already 8!
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are ears everywhere!
Why did the gardener quit?
His celery wasn’t high enough!
I used to hate facial hair.
But then it grew on me!
Who shaves 10 times a day but still has a beard?
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Why can’t you trust a burrito?
Because they tend to spill the beans!
What do bees brush their hair with?
Where do snowmen keep their money?
Why is a carrot the best detective?
They get to the root of every case!
What do you call a meditating wolf?
What do you call an American bee?
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It was tense!
Why did the walnut go out with a prune?
Because they couldn’t find a date!
Think that’s funny? Just wait until you read the 75 Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Actually Funny.
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