50 Amazing Jokes You Can Text to Friends

Want to put a smile on someone's face? Try #5.

50 Amazing Jokes You Can Text to Friends

Want to put a smile on someone's face? Try #5.

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Everyone can use a good laugh now and then. Since texting is the most common form of communication for many people, why not work a few textable jokes into your repertoire? From classic one liners to contemporary puns, these 50 textable jokes translate well on the screen. And when you want to brighten someone’s day in person, start with the 50 Knock Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up!

A night with the boys Best Birthday Gifts for Your Husband

1
Two men walk into a bar.

The third one ducks!

For more silly humor, check out the 50 Dad Jokes So Bad They’re Actually Hilarious.


2
Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9!

For more goofy humor, here are the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40. 


3
I’m reading an antigravity book

It’s impossible to put down!

To keep those laughs coming, read the Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State. 

Cheese board

4
What kind of cheese doesn’t belong to you?

Nacho cheese!

Zing! And for cleverer jokes, check out the 30 Funniest Jokes from Celebrity Roasts!

Molecules

5
You can’t trust atoms.

They make up everything!

For more hilarious puns, enjoy the 50 Puns So Bad They’re Actually Funny.

winter superfoods shiitake mushrooms


6
Why do mushrooms get invited to all the best parties?

Because they are such fungis!

For more utter silliness, here are the 30 Hilarious Things People Have Put on Their Résumés. 

Man with pet dog

7
Why did the dog cross the road?

To get to the barking lot!

Want more laughs? Start with the The 30 Funniest Sitcom Jokes of All Time.

bad puns


8
Why do potatoes argue?

Because they can’t see eye to eye!

For more great laughs, check out 50 Amazing Jokes From Comedy Legends.

bad puns


9
Can February March?

No, but April May!

how to sleep better


10
What’s the loneliest cheese?

ProvAlone!

To keep the laughs coming, check out the 30 Funniest Memes of All Time. 

Blood hound


11
What kind of dog does Dracula have?

A bloodhound!

boost your confidence

12
Did you get a haircut?

No, I got them all cut!

And when you’re in the market for a new ‘do, pick from the 15 Best Men’s Haircuts for Looking Instantly Younger!

bad jokes that are actually funny

13
What do you call a cold dog?

A chili dog!

And for the record: Chili dogs are definitely not one of the 50 Foods That Will Make You Look Younger. 

Cat with arched back


14
Why did the cat run away from the tree?

It was afraid of the bark!

And for more jokes at your pet’s expense, here are 15 Animals with Ridiculously Impressive Titles. 

50 funniest facts


15
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

Brown eggs


16
Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes?

They’d crack each other up!

Tomatoes, scandalous


17
How do you fix a broken tomato?

Tomato paste!

drinking coffee can make you instantly happy


18
Why did the hipster burn his tongue on coffee?

Because he drank it before it was cool!

wyoming barn farm state jokes

19
Why did the farmer win an award?

He was out standing in his field!

phrases men over 40 should stop saying


20
What do sea monsters eat?

Fish and ships!

Cantaloupe Dad Jokes


21
Why do melons have weddings?

Because they cantaloupe!

stay sharp cherry tomatoes improve memory


22
What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato?

Ketchup!

Beach


23
What did the ocean say to the shore?

Nothing, it just waved!

Testosterone birds


24
Why do birds fly south?

It’s easier than walking!

best skin

25
What’s a plant’s favorite drink?

Root beer!

interplanetary communication in future


26
Do you think..

Earth makes fun of other planets for having no life?!

woman swimming

27
Who cleans the ocean?

Mer-maids!

Velcro Wallet, what to give up in your 40s

28
Velcro…

Is such a rip-off!

cheese quesadilla unhealthiest holiday finger foods

29
What kind of songs do tortillas write?

Wraps!

Dentist Patient

30
What’s the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty!

Matryoshka dolls


31
Why don’t people like Russian dolls?

Because they are full of themselves!

self conscious bad habits


32
You know what they say about cliffhangers…

commonly misspelled words

33
What did the hungry clock do?

It went back 4 seconds!

Jumping

34
What’s the best season for trampolines?

Spring time!

Woman with abs


35
What kind of button doesn’t button or unbutton?

A belly button!

your bartender secretly eats your leftover food


36
Why did the two 4s skip dinner?

They already 8!

Sick woman


37
How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it!

Ears of corn


38
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?

There are ears everywhere!

Girl Gardening Valentine's Day


39
Why did the gardener quit?

His celery wasn’t high enough!

Shaving beard


40
I used to hate facial hair.

But then it grew on me!

Shaving Beard

41
Who shaves 10 times a day but still has a beard?

A barber!

Student studying


42
Why did the students eat their homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!

Bean and corn burrito

43
Why can’t you trust a burrito?

Because they tend to spill the beans!

honey pot, great for allergies


44
What do bees brush their hair with?

A honeycomb!

Winter snow

45
Where do snowmen keep their money?

In snowbanks!

carrots health myths

46
Why is a carrot the best detective?

They get to the root of every case!

Gray wolf


47
What do you call a meditating wolf?

Aware wolf!

American Flag


48
What do you call an American bee?

A USB!

Making cocktails


49
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.

It was tense!

healthy woman, Best Foods for Maximizing Your Energy Levels


50
Why did the walnut go out with a prune?

Because they couldn’t find a date!

Think that’s funny? Just wait until you read the 75 Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Actually Funny.

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