50 Amazing Jokes You Can Text to Friends

Want to put a smile on someone's face? Try #5.

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Everyone can use a good laugh now and then. Since texting is the most common form of communication for many people, why not work a few textable jokes into your repertoire? From classic one liners to contemporary puns, these 50 textable jokes translate well on the screen. And when you want to brighten someone's day in person, start with the 50 Knock Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up!

1
Two men walk into a bar.

A night with the boys Best Birthday Gifts for Your Husband
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The third one ducks!

For more silly humor, check out the 50 Dad Jokes So Bad They're Actually Hilarious.

2
Why was 6 afraid of 7?


Because 7 ate 9!

For more goofy humor, here are the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40. 

3
I'm reading an antigravity book


It's impossible to put down!

To keep those laughs coming, read the Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State. 

4
What kind of cheese doesn't belong to you?

Cheese board
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Nacho cheese!

Zing! And for cleverer jokes, check out the 30 Funniest Jokes from Celebrity Roasts!

5
You can't trust atoms.

Molecules

They make up everything!

For more hilarious puns, enjoy the 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Funny.

6
Why do mushrooms get invited to all the best parties?

winter superfoods shiitake mushrooms
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Because they are such fungis!

For more utter silliness, here are the 30 Hilarious Things People Have Put on Their Résumés. 

7
Why did the dog cross the road?

Man with pet dog
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To get to the barking lot!

Want more laughs? Start with the The 30 Funniest Sitcom Jokes of All Time.

8
Why do potatoes argue?

bad puns
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Because they can't see eye to eye!

For more great laughs, check out 50 Amazing Jokes From Comedy Legends.

9
Can February March?

bad puns
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No, but April May!

10
What's the loneliest cheese?

how to sleep better
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ProvAlone!

To keep the laughs coming, check out the 30 Funniest Memes of All Time. 

11
What kind of dog does Dracula have?


Blood hound

A bloodhound!

12
Did you get a haircut?

boost your confidence

No, I got them all cut!

And when you're in the market for a new 'do, pick from the 15 Best Men's Haircuts for Looking Instantly Younger!

bad jokes that are actually funny

13
What do you call a cold dog?

A chili dog!

And for the record: Chili dogs are definitely not one of the 50 Foods That Will Make You Look Younger. 

14
Why did the cat run away from the tree?


Cat with arched back

It was afraid of the bark!

And for more jokes at your pet's expense, here are 15 Animals with Ridiculously Impressive Titles. 

15
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?


50 funniest facts

Because they taste funny!

16
Why don't eggs tell each other jokes?

Brown eggs
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They'd crack each other up!

17
How do you fix a broken tomato?


Tomatoes, scandalous

Tomato paste!

18
Why did the hipster burn his tongue on coffee?

drinking coffee can make you instantly happy
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Because he drank it before it was cool!

wyoming barn farm state jokes
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19
Why did the farmer win an award?

He was out standing in his field!

20
What do sea monsters eat?


phrases men over 40 should stop saying

Fish and ships!

21
Why do melons have weddings?


Cantaloupe Dad Jokes

Because they cantaloupe!

22
What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato?

stay sharp cherry tomatoes improve memory
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Ketchup!

23
What did the ocean say to the shore?


Beach

Nothing, it just waved!

24
Why do birds fly south?


Testosterone birds

It's easier than walking!

best skin
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25
What's a plant's favorite drink?

Root beer!

26
Do you think..


interplanetary communication in future

Earth makes fun of other planets for having no life?!

woman swimming

27
Who cleans the ocean?

Mer-maids!

Velcro Wallet, what to give up in your 40s

28
Velcro…

Is such a rip-off!

cheese quesadilla unhealthiest holiday finger foods

29
What kind of songs do tortillas write?

Wraps!

Dentist Patient

30
What's the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty!

31
Why don't people like Russian dolls?

Matryoshka dolls
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Because they are full of themselves!

32
You know what they say about cliffhangers…


self conscious bad habits

commonly misspelled words
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33
What did the hungry clock do?

It went back 4 seconds!

Jumping

34
What's the best season for trampolines?

Spring time!

35
What kind of button doesn't button or unbutton?

Woman with abs
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A belly button!

36
Why did the two 4s skip dinner?

your bartender secretly eats your leftover food
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They already 8!

37
How do you make a tissue dance?


Sick woman

Put a little boogie in it!

38
Why shouldn't you tell secrets in a cornfield?


Ears of corn

There are ears everywhere!

39
Why did the gardener quit?


Girl Gardening Valentine's Day

His celery wasn't high enough!

40
I used to hate facial hair.


Shaving beard

But then it grew on me!

Shaving Beard

41
Who shaves 10 times a day but still has a beard?

A barber!

42
Why did the students eat their homework?


Student studying

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!

Bean and corn burrito

43
Why can't you trust a burrito?

Because they tend to spill the beans!

44
What do bees brush their hair with?

honey pot, great for allergies
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A honeycomb!

Winter snow

45
Where do snowmen keep their money?

In snowbanks!

carrots health myths
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46
Why is a carrot the best detective?

They get to the root of every case!

47
What do you call a meditating wolf?


Gray wolf

Aware wolf!

48
What do you call an American bee?

American Flag
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A USB!

49
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.

Making cocktails
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It was tense!

50
Why did the walnut go out with a prune?

healthy woman, Best Foods for Maximizing Your Energy Levels
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Because they couldn't find a date!

Think that's funny? Just wait until you read the 75 Jokes That Are So Bad They're Actually Funny.

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