You might be staring down your 40th birthday like it's the barrel of a gun, but turning the big 4-0 shouldn't be all doom and gloom. By now you've probably got a fairly good grasp on who you are. You know who your real friends are, and you've finally found somebody who will reliably give you a decent haircut. Things are looking up!
Now that your mood has been bolstered, it's time to have a laugh at your own expense. Take the edge off of any upcoming birthday jitters with a few 40th birthday jokes about finally getting to the top of (and going over) the hill. So read on, and enjoy! And if you'd like some more age-appropriate humor, check out 50 Dad Jokes So Bad They're Actually Hilarious.
1
40 is when the phone rings on Saturday night…
And you hope it isn't for you!
For more silliness beyond 40th birthday jokes, here are 50 Amazing Jokes from Comedy Legends.
2
A doctor says to his patient…
"You have the body of a 20-year-old … but you should return it. You're stretching it all out of shape!"
For more on aging gracefully, here are the 10 Ways to Feel Better About Your Body After 40.
3
No woman should have kids after 40.
Really, 40 kids is more than enough!
Oh, and speaking of your little ones: Here are the 40 Lies Kids Say That Parents Always Fall For
4
"Life really does begin at forty."
"Up until then, you are just doing research." — Carl Jung
5
You know you're getting old…
When the candles cost more than the cake!
For more great laughs, don't miss these 40 Hilarious Things Everyone Has Secretly Done.
6
"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have."
"The older she gets the more interested he is in her." — Agatha Christie
7
40 is when your body…
Gives your brain a list of things it's not going to do anymore!
For more utter goofiness, be sure to check out the 50 Knock-Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up.
8
They say that age is all in the mind.
The trick is to keep it from creeping down to the rest of your body!
If this joke hit too close to home, be sure to check out the 40 Great Exercises for Adding Muscle After 40.
9
Forty isn't old.
If you're a tree!
And for more hilarity, check out the 50 Jokes From Children That Are Crazy Funny.
10
What goes up, but doesn't come down?
Your age!
For more on aging, here are the 40 Things No One Ever 40 Should Ever Do.
11
It's an awful thing to grow old alone.
My wife hasn't had a birthday in six years!
12
"It's great to have grey hair.
"Ask anyone who's bald!" — Rodney Dangerfield
Yes, that easily could qualify as one of the 50 Dad Jokes So Bad They're Actually Hilarious.
13
It's a cruel irony that when you get to be two times the age of a 20-year-old…
You only have half the metabolism!
But don't fret. If you're actually worried, Stay Young and Lean With These 20 Anti-Aging Foods.
14
My wife never lies about her age.
She just tells everyone she's as old as me. Then she lies about my age!
And for more side-splitters, don't miss the 30 Funniest Sitcom Jokes of All Time.
15
After you turn 40…
Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell!
16
Be an optimist when people call you middle-aged.
At least you're not end-aged!
17
Wishing you a warm and bright 40th birthday.
It couldn't be any other way with that many candles on your cake.
18
In your 20s: dress like you're on the catwalk.
In your 40s: dress like you walk cats!
19
Regular naps prevent old age.
Especially if you take them while driving!
20
40 is the perfect age.
You're old enough to recognize your mistakes, but young enough to make some more!
21
Don't let aging get you down.
It's too hard to get up again!
22
Happy 39th birthday again!
Here's hoping it's as good as last year's was!
23
In dog years…
I'm dead!
24
40 is when you finally get your head together…
And your body has other ideas.
25
When you're 40 you have so much to look forward to.
Like a little peace and quiet when the kids move out!
26
Remember where you've been.
But forget where you're going. It will only scare you!
27
People don't turn 40.
They turn 39.95 plus shipping and handling!
28
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday…
But never remembers her age!
29
You know you're getting old…
When you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party!
30
If you don't get any respect when you're 40…
It means you're also a parent!
31
At 40, your idea of weight lifting…
Is standing up!
32
Birthdays are good for you.
The more you have, the longer you live!
33
The best years of a woman's life…
Are the 10 years between 39 and 40!
34
You can't be young forever.
But immaturity lasts a lifetime!
35
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly…"
"And lie about your age." — Lucille Ball.
36
I'm not 40.
I'm 18 with 22 years of experience!
37
"Life begins at 40."
"But so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times." — Helen Rowland
38
"The 'I just woke up' face of your 30's…"
"is the 'all day long' face of your 40's." — Libby Reid
39
You've got everything I had 20 years ago.
Except now it's all lower.
40
On your 40th Birthday, you might feel old.
You might be right!
Ease the burn from these 40th birthday jokes with The 40 Best Compliments to Give People Over 40.
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