40 Best Jokes About Turning 40

Knock Knock. Who's There? A Reasonable Bedtime.

40 Best Jokes About Turning 40

Knock Knock. Who's There? A Reasonable Bedtime.

You might be staring down your 40th birthday like it’s the barrel of a gun, but turning the big 4-0 shouldn’t be all doom and gloom. By now you’ve probably got a fairly good grasp on who you are. You know who your real friends are, and you’ve finally found somebody who will reliably give you a decent haircut. Things are looking up!

Now that your mood has been bolstered, it’s time to have a laugh at your own expense. Take the edge off of any upcoming birthday jitters with a few jokes about finally getting to the top of (and going over) the hill. So read on, and enjoy! And if you’d like some more age-appropriate humor, check out 50 Dad Jokes So Bad They’re Actually Hilarious.

words that reveal age, Crazy Facts You Never Knew About Your Smartphone

1
40 is when the phone rings on Saturday night…

And you hope it isn’t for you!

For more silly jokes, here are 50 Amazing Jokes from Comedy Legends. 

Doctors appointments become frequent after 40

2
A doctor says to his patient…

“You have the body of a 20-year-old … but you should return it. You’re stretching it all out of shape!”

For more on aging gracefully, here are the 10 Ways to Feel Better About Your Body After 40.

deal breaker, mother and son, happy, family

3
No woman should have kids after 40.

Really, 40 kids is more than enough!

Oh, and speaking of your little ones: Here are the 40 Lies Kids Say That Parents Always Fall For

40 things only women over 40 know

4
“Life really does begin at forty.”

“Up until then, you are just doing research.” — Carl Jung

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5
You know you’re getting old…

When the candles cost more than the cake!

For more great laughs, don’t miss these 40 Hilarious Things Everyone Has Secretly Done. 

dinosaur skull, celebrities not like us

6
“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have.”

“The older she gets the more interested he is in her.” — Agatha Christie

40 things only women over 40 know

7
40 is when your body…

Gives your brain a list of things it’s not going to do anymore!

For more utter goofiness, be sure to check out the 50 Knock-Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up.meditation brain function

8
They say that age is all in the mind.

The trick is to keep it from creeping down to the rest of your body!

If this joke hit too close to home, be sure to check out the 40 Great Exercises for Adding Muscle After 40.

instant mood boosters

9
Forty isn’t old.

If you’re a tree!

And for more hilarity, check out the 50 Jokes From Children That Are Crazy Funny.

Period calendar

10
What goes up, but doesn’t come down?

Your age!

For more on aging, here are the 40 Things No One Ever 40 Should Ever Do.

demisexual man alone on beach

11
It’s an awful thing to grow old alone.

My wife hasn’t had a birthday in six years!

top hollywood hair tips

12
“It’s great to have grey hair.

“Ask anyone who’s bald!” — Rodney Dangerfield

Yes, that easily could qualify as one of the 50 Dad Jokes So Bad They’re Actually Hilarious. 

chronic dieting is a weight loss secret that doesn't work

13
It’s a cruel irony that when you get to be two times the age of a 20-year-old…

You only have half the metabolism!

But don’t fret. If you’re actually worried, Stay Young and Lean With These 20 Anti-Aging Foods.

Couple Fixing Home Financial

14
My wife never lies about her age.

She just tells everyone she’s as old as me. Then she lies about my age!

And for more side-splitters, don’t miss the 30 Funniest Sitcom Jokes of All Time.

Overweight Person

15
After you turn 40…

Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell!

16
Be an optimist when people call you middle-aged.

At least you’re not end-aged!

amazon alexa questions

17
Wishing you a warm and bright 40th birthday.

It couldn’t be any other way with that many candles on your cake.

Cat grooming itself,Crazy Facts You Never Knew About Your Smartphone

18
In your 20s: dress like you’re on the catwalk.

In your 40s: dress like you walk cats!

Woman Sleeping in Self Driving Vehicle Life in 100 Years

19
Regular naps prevent old age.

Especially if you take them while driving!

20
40 is the perfect age.

You’re old enough to recognize your mistakes, but young enough to make some more!

Woman Falling on Sidewalk Yo Mama Jokes

21
Don’t let aging get you down.

It’s too hard to get up again!

secretly hilarious things

22
Happy 39th birthday again!

Here’s hoping it’s as good as last year’s was!

Dog under blanket

23
In dog years…

I’m dead!

stop judging women over 40

24
40 is when you finally get your head together…

And your body has other ideas.

40 compliments

25
When you’re 40 you have so much to look forward to.

Like a little peace and quiet when the kids move out!

happy older couple

26
Remember where you’ve been.

But forget where you’re going. It will only scare you!

Bad bosses, delivery at work

27
People don’t turn 40.

They turn 39.95 plus shipping and handling!

Couple Making Up Romance

28
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday…

But never remembers her age!

Bad bosses, office birthday

29
You know you’re getting old…

When you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party!

30
If you don’t get any respect when you’re 40…

It means you’re also a parent!

Man Lifting Weights on Bench Beach Body Tips

31
At 40, your idea of weight lifting…

Is standing up!

Baking Class Best Birthday Gifts For Your Wife

32
Birthdays are good for you.

The more you have, the longer you live!

bad puns

33
The best years of a woman’s life…

Are the 10 years between 39 and 40!

dad laughing a dad jokes

34
You can’t be young forever.

But immaturity lasts a lifetime!

business dinner and the 25 things you shouldn't do at a fancy restaurant

35
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly…”

“And lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball.

older woman smiling

36
I’m not 40.

I’m 18 with 22 years of experience!phrases women over 40 should stop using

37
“Life begins at 40.”

“But so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.” — Helen Rowland

divorce secrets

38
“The ‘I just woke up’ face of your 30’s…”

“is the ‘all day long’ face of your 40’s.” — Libby Reid

stop judging women over 40

39
You’ve got everything I had 20 years ago.

Except now it’s all lower.

birthday cupcake

40
On your 40th Birthday, you might feel old.

You might be right!

Ease the burn from this with The 40 Best Compliments to Give People Over 40.

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