40 Lies Kids Say That Parents Always Fall For

"If we get a dog, I promise I'll take care of it!"

40 Lies Kids Say That Parents Always Fall For

"If we get a dog, I promise I'll take care of it!"

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Let’s start with the good news. If your child is lying, this means he or she is smarter than other kids. According to developmental psychologists, kids who deceive have higher verbal I.Q.s and better “executive functioning skills.” Fantastic, right? Well, here’s the not-so-good part. They’re probably so good at lying than they’re fooling even you. A 2017 study, published in the journal Law and Human Behavior, found that adults are able to identify when a kid is lying to them just 47% of the time. That means you’re falling for their tall tales more than half of the time!

Let’s see if we can change that. Here are 40 of the most common lies by kids—meaning, anyone between the ages of one and eighteen, not yet legally an adult—that parents can’t help falling for. You might laugh at some of these, but there are bound to be one or two that make you think, “Uh-oh. I think they got me.” And for more amazing parenting advice, check out The 30 Funniest Pieces of Celebrity Parenting Advice.

Group of dogs Lies Kids Say

1
“If we get a dog, I promise I’ll take it for walks and feed it.”

Always effective, and man do we always hope it’s true. But we always know how this turns out: Mom and Dad are the primary caretakers of this poor animal. And for more facts on our everyday behavior, don’t miss the 15 Little Things Men Do That Women Can’t Resist. 

Failed term paper Lies Kids Say

2
“The school didn’t send out report cards yet.”

As every parent knows, report cards always seem to find a way to show up late. If only those schools could get their act together! And to add more humor to your life, check out these 30 Hilarious Jokes on Road Warning Signs. 

kid eating Lies Kids Say

3
“If you let me (blank), I’ll never ask you for anything else ever again!”

If I can get that in writing, and have it notarized by a lawyer, we’ll totally believe you. And for more on the lies we tell, don’t miss the 40 Lies Everyone Tells on a Daily Basis. 

books Lies Kids Say

4
“I need the money for books.”

Yes, by “books” you actually mean “candy.” And for more untruths we live with, here are the 40 Health Myths You Hear Every Day. 

Lies Kids Say

5
“He started it!”

Nobody says this unless they’ve been caught red-handed and just don’t want to be take the rap alone. Odds are, whoever you’re ratting out didn’t start it, they’re just a co-conspirator. And for more tips on raising children, check out The Secret to Raising Healthy Kids.

Kid, school, relationship, fall Lies Kids Say

6
“I think I’m too sick to go to school today.”

No actual sick person says this. If you’re feverish or nauseous, you don’t have time for indecisive pondering. You just want to be left alone to moan in the dark. And if you want to know what your kid is likely watching when he or she is home, read up on the YouTube Star So Popular He Made $16.5 Million Last Year.

lunch Lies Kids Say

7
“Of course I ate the lunch you packed.”

Sorry, but they definitely ditched the celery for some chips out of the vending machine.

upset teens Lies Kids Say

8
“I’m fine.”

It’s not the denial, it’s how the denial is said with folded arms, with a big frown, a furrowed brow, and an expression that practically screams “I am soooooooo mad right now.” And for more enduring lies, here are the 28 Most Enduring Myths in American History. 

smartphone Lies Kids Say

9
”My phone died.”

One thing we know for sure: Your most beloved gadget on earth is never, ever, dead.

 

party cups Lies Kids Say

1o
“The party is chaperoned.”

You realize that a “chaperone” means a grownup, and not just a friend, right?

traffic Lies Kids Say

11
“I was late getting home because of traffic.”

Nothing worse than getting stuck in midnight rush-hour gridlock. And for more silliness, check out the 40 Facts So Funny They’re Hard to Believe. 

be a much better father Lies Kids Say

12
“Dad said I could.”

Was dad looking at his phone when he said that? Yeah, spoiler alert: Dad didn’t hear a word you said. And for more on parenthood, here’s The Best Way to Raise Your Dad Game. 

 

Facebook friend request Lies Kids Say

13
“I didn’t block you on Facebook. That must be a mistake.”

Congratulations on being the first person under 18 to be confounded on how social media privacy settings work. Oh, and speaking of Facebook, here are the 15 Facebook Habits Everyone Needs to Break. kid instsgramming the car Lies Kids Say

14
“I’ll be super careful with the car!”

Just hearing this one gives us chills.

cars Lies Kids Say

15
“I have no idea how the car got damaged. Maybe somebody hit it when I was parked.”

Oh sure, it’s entirely plausible that you wouldn’t have noticed the back bumper was dragging against the pavement, making a loud screeching noise, until the next day.

bad puns Lies Kids Say

16
“I’m just going to play this video game for two more minutes.”

We believe it was Albert Einstein who once said, “the dividing line between past, present, and future is an illusion.” Or in other words, you have no intention of turning off that video game in two minutes, because time is meaningless, and also we are not suckers. And speaking of video games, consider giving your kids one of these 8 Cutting-Edge Video Games That Will Make You Smarter. 

beer tasting Lies Kids Say

17
“I’ve never tasted beer.”

No, we’re not laughing at you, we’re laughing at past selves who thought this was a believable lie when we were teenagers.

Bacon Level Alabama Lies Kids Say

18
“I would never pour bacon grease down the kitchen drain.”

Says the young person who literally just poured bacon grease down the kitchen drain. And for more on decoding your kids’ language, check out the 40 Slang Terms No One Over 40 Should Ever Use.

words and phrases Lies Kids Say

19
“I forgot.”

No you didn’t. When you’re older and you’re juggling too many responsibilities and your brain is fried from stress, you can say “I forgot.” You’re a kid. The best you can claim is “Whatever you told me wasn’t as interesting as video games.”

teacher Lies Kids Say

20
“The teacher didn’t give us homework tonight.”

Unless your teacher is going on strike tomorrow, sorry, we’re having a hard time believing it.

excited teens, Lies Kids Say

21
“He’s not a boyfriend, he’s just a friend.”

Uh-huh. You’re not fooling us, darling. And for more funny sayings, check out the 20 Slang Terms from the 1990s No One Uses Anymore. 

girl reading in dark Lies Kids Say

22
“When you close the door, I’m going straight to sleep.”

Works for us. No way you’re hiding a Gameboy under your blanket. But be forewarned, we’ll be on the other side of the door, ready to burst in at any moment and scream “J’accuse!”

Teens on Phones Lies Kids Say

23
“I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Sure you are.

snowball fight Lies Kids Say

24
“I didn’t start the fight, I was breaking it up.”

Of course you were. As Gandhi once said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world… with lots of shoving.”

saving money Lies Kids Say

25
“Of course I’m saving my allowance.”

You know, buying all the candy is not considered an investment strategy.

teens at a EDM festival Lies Kids Say

26
“I’m at the library doing homework.”

Oh really? The library is playing more EDM in the background than we remember.

sweaters Lies Kids Say

27
“Of course I’ll wear that sweater you bought for me.”

We all know that, best case scenario, that sweater is going stay in your closet until it decomposes.

door with keys Lies Kids Say

28
“I didn’t lock the door. Maybe you didn’t pull hard enough.”

Yes, we swear we didn’t hear it slam, too.

nose ring Lies Kids Say

29
“It’s a clip-on nose ring.”

So you won’t mind if I give it a tug?

fridge Lies Kids Say

30
“I took the chicken out of the freezer when you told me.”

How strange it’s so pink on the inside. Hmm.

speeding ticket Lies Kids Say

31
“I always drive the speed limit.”

Strange that our neighbors down the street called us to say that someone resembling you driving a car resembling mine was drag-racing down the street.

traveling with family Lies Kids Say

32
“I love our family vacations.”

We know you’re just waiting for a cake with a file in it so you can break out of here.

TV Lies Kids Say

33
“I didn’t order that. The cable company must’ve made a mistake.”

Funny how the cable company keeps making that same mistake to homes inhabited by teenage boys. Such an inexplicable coincidence!

Kids Studying on Bench Lies Kids Say

34
“I was up late studying.”

And… by “studying” you mean “texting.”

Money Lies Kids Say

35
“I need an extra $20 for gas.”

Funny how that gas tank always seems to be running on empty these days.

girl gifting her dad Lies Kids Say

36
“I got you a gift, it just hasn’t shown up yet.”

Maybe that’s what you needed the $20 for!

someone on phone Lies Kids Say

37
“I never got your text.”

So weird!

messy bedroom Lies Kids Say

38
“I just cleaned my room. Somebody else must’ve come in and messed it up.”

I’ve heard that our town was being terrorized by a bandit who breaks into homes just to cover bedrooms with toys and unmake beds. I can’t believe it happened to us! Hold on, I’ll call 9-1-1.

teen brushes teeth Lies Kids Say

39
“I already brushed my teeth.”

Get back in there, young lady.

teen not listening to parent Lies Kids Say

40
“I’m listening.”

I’m sure you are. And whatever I’m saying sounds to you like the mangled trumpet of a Charlie Brown parent. And if you love parenting, check out The Single Best Way to Raise Emotionally Healthy Kids.

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