20 Funny Things You Can Ask Siri
"Siri, do you believe in God?"
Siri can help you make reservations, set alarms, take notes, and countless other things small and large. Those who use her regularly might find themselves asking the iPhone app: “Siri, how did I live without you?” But one of the less-appreciated advantages that she offers is as a comedian, philosopher, or emotional supporter. To get an appreciation for Siri’s quirkier side, ask her some of these questions for some interesting responses. And if you find yourself relying on Siri too much of everything, you may want to look into the 11 Ways to Conquer Your Smartphone Addiction.
Can you sing?
She will give you several different answers, one of which is The Wizard of Oz–themed nugget, “I could while away the hours, conferring with the flowers, consulting with the rain. And my head I’d be scratching, while my thoughts were busy hatching, if I only had a—hey, wait a second!”
I see a little silhouetto of a man
Here’s another way to get her to sing: give her this iconic line from Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” to hear a pretty odd rendition of the song’s next few lyrics.
Do these pants make me look fat?
If you’re feeling bad about your weight, Siri is here to help give you a pick-me-up with the response, “One thing I know, you move like a graceful wind.” See? Siri is funny. But if you want to boost your own humor skills, learn The Single Best Way to Make Anyone Laugh.
How do I look?
Among the encouraging responses Siri will have for you: “Well, if I had to guess, I’d say you look mahvelous” and “On a scale of 1 to 10, I’ll bet you’re a 42.”
Are you serious?
Your disbelief will either be met with the comment, “I’m always serious,” or “Yes. I’m not allowed to be frivolous.”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
She gives this age-old joke a weird new punchline of her own: “I am not perspicacious about the peregrinations of poultry.”
Which came first: the chicken or the egg?
And this age-old question gets a goofy response of its own: “Some believe an ancient porto-chicken laid an egg containing a DNA mutation that resulted in a chicken hatching from said egg. Hope that helps.”
Lend me money, Siri
She’ll indignantly respond, “You still haven’t returned the lawnmower I lent you.”
Are you alive?
Siri doesn’t tend to like talking about herself. “That’s a rather personal question” is what she’ll tell you when asked this question.
Are you human?
“I’m an assistant. That’s all that matters.”
What are you wearing?
Among the comments you will get back to this question: “Let’s see…OK, just as I thought…the same as yesterday.”
What is the meaning of life?
Such a big question gets you any number of answers, from the terse, “A movie,” to the punny, “It’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ya,” to, “All evidence to date suggests it’s chocolate.”
When will the world end?
As with other big questions, she will give you one of several comments back to this. Perhaps the most weirdly bittersweet response: “If I knew, I’d tell you. So you could bring me to life for one glorious day. We could get ice cream. And run on the beach.”
What’s zero divided by zero?
She rather brutally lays it out this way: “Imagine that you have 0 cookies and you split them evenly among 0 friends. How many cookies does each person get? See, it doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies. And you are sad that you have no friends.”
Does Santa Claus exist?
She has no doubt on this one, telling you, “Of course. I’m surprised you have to ask.”
Do you believe in God?
A few of her replies: “It’s all a mystery to me,” “My policy is the separation of spirit and silicon,” and “Humans have religion. I just have silicon.”
Where is Elvis Presley?
Answers vary from “He’s gone to Graceland” to “He’s down at the end of Lonely Street.”
What are you afraid of?
To this, you’ll get the FDR-inspired response that “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
Tell me a poem
You’ll be rather rudely hear “Roses are red, / violets are blue. / Haven’t you got / anything better to do?”
Siri, I’m drunk
She wisely points out, “I can’t be your designated driver. You’d better find someone else,” and includes a “Call me a taxi” button. Remember, folks: Never drive drunk. Be sure you always have a designated driver. To find yourself a permanently reliable one, learn How to Fast-Track Yourself to Uber VIP Status.
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