50 Dad Jokes So Bad They’re Actually Hilarious

One-liners so corny only the nerdiest of fathers can enjoy them.

50 Dad Jokes So Bad They’re Actually Hilarious
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Here’s a quick experiment: Go ask both of your parents the question, “Did you get a haircut?” Now, we’d be willing to wager that your mom will respond with something along the lines of “yes” or “no,” while your dad goes with something more like, “No, I got them all cut!”

Congrats! You’ve just been blindsided by a “dad joke”—loosely defined as a groaner so corny and awful that you basically need to own a pair of white New Balance sneakers, a cellphone belt clip, and a coffee mug emblazoned with the word “dad” to actually find it funny.

Well, unless you’re talking about fifty dad jokes we’ve compiled right here. Yes, they’re corny and awful, but somehow they all make us laugh despite their juvenile ridiculousness. So read on, and enjoy! And for more outrageous humor, don’t miss The 30 Funniest Jokes on Road Warning Signs.

Pasta Dad Jokes

1
What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

Man on Laptop Dad Jokes

2
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word!

And for more things that dads may say, here are the 20 Slang Terms from the 1970s No One Uses Anymore.

Bread Dad Jokes

3
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!

Oof. And for more awful jokes, check out 75 Jokes So Bad They’re Actually Funny.

Alligator Dad Jokes

4
What do you call an alligator that works on Wall Street?

An Invest-i-gator!

Las Vegas Dad Jokes

5
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?

Floss Vegas.

And for more goofy humor, here are the 15 Things Everyone Secretly Finds Hilarious.

Paper Dad Jokes

6
Want to hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it’s tearable!

And if these groaners aren’t cutting it for you, try the 30 Hilarious Jokes Found in Non-Comedy Movies.

clown fish movie facts

7
What do you call a fish with two knees?

A two-knee fish!

And for some great humor with one of our favorite dads, check out the 30 Most Hilarious Bill Murray Encounters. 

Cantaloupe Dad Jokes

8
Why do melons have weddings?

Because they cantaloupe!

Oy. And for some great advice for dads, here are the Best Ways to Make Family Dinner a Lot More Awesome. 

modern bath

9
You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there?

European.

Dad Jokes

10
I like telling Dad jokes.

Sometimes he laughs!

Zing! And to up your parenting skills, know the 40 Lies Kids Say That Parents Always Fall For.

Almonds Dad Jokes

11
I thought about going on an all-almond diet….

But that’s just nuts!

Wooden Sticks Dad Jokes

12
What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

Airplane Shirley Dad Jokes

13
This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.”

I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode!

And for more on the film Airplane, check out the 30 Funniest Movies of All Time.

Cemetery Dad Jokes

14
This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there!

Couple with Guitar Dad Jokes

15
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, “First offender?”

She says, “No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”

Bicycle Dad Jokes

16
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire!

And to keep the laughs rolling, don’t miss the 30 Funniest Pieces of Celebrity Parenting Advice. 

Calendar Dad Jokes

17
Can February March?

No, but April May!

Soccer Game Dad Jokes

18
I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks!

Alphabet Dad Jokes

19
So a vowel saves another vowel’s life.

The other vowel says, “Aye E! I owe you!”

Man Doing Backflip Dad Jokes

20
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip?

I was heels over head!

And for more ways to communicate with your dad, here are the 40 Things Only Older People Say. 

Apples Dad Jokes

21
How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them!

Watering Plants Dad Jokes

22
Spring is here! I got so excited ….

… I wet my plants!

Butter Dad Jokes

23
Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Well, I’m not going to spread it!

Grocery Store Check Out Dad Jokes

24
When the grocery store clerk asks me if I want the milk in a bag, I always tell him…

“No, I’d rather drink it out of the carton!”

And for more fun with language, don’t miss the 40 Words People Over 40 Wouldn’t Understand. 

Lifesavers Candies Dad Jokes

25
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

They say he made a mint!

Man Doing Math Dad Jokes

26
Five out of four people admit…

… they’re bad with fractions!
Cheating on Test Dad Jokes

27
I invented a new word today…

Plagiarism!

Elephant Dad Jokes

28
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they’re so good at it!

Orange Dad Jokes

29
My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”

And I told him, “No it doesn’t!”

Flamingo Dad Jokes

30
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo.

So I had to put my foot down!

Girl Putting on Brow Makeup Dad Jokes

31
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised!

Man Telling Jokes Dad Jokes

32
I tell dad jokes but I have no kids…

I’m a faux pa!

 

Carrots Dad Jokes

33
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!

 

Penguin Dad Jokes

34
How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together!

Man Fired Dad Jokes

35
I know a lot of jokes about retired people…

… but none of them work!

Old Man with Glasses Dad Jokes

36
Why did the old man fall in the well?

Because he couldn’t see that well!

Gold Fish in Bowl Dad Jokes

37
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other…

… “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

Skeletons Dad Jokes

38
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with!

Factory Dad Jokes

39
What do you call a factory that sells passable products?

A satisfactory!

Dinner Dad Jokes

40
After dinner. my wife asked if I could clear the table.

I needed a running start, but I made it!

Man Blowing Nose Dad Jokes

41
How do you make a Kleenex dance?

Put some boogie in it!

Dog Winking Dad Jokes

42
My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex.

They’re his watch dogs!

Apple Store Dad Jokes

43
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you…

… an iWitness?!

Sushi Dad Jokes

44
I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy!

Job Offer Dad Jokes

45
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn’t see himself doing it!

Confused Man Dad Jokes

46
The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line.

Only a fraction of people will understand this!

Shoes Dad Jokes

47
I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop.

It was sole destroying!

Boss Dad Jokes

48
My boss told me to have a good day…

… so I went home!

Man Sleeping Dad Jokes

49
I’m so good at sleeping…

… I can do it with my eyes closed!

Construction Dad Jokes

50
Want to hear a joke about construction?

I’m still working on it!

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