110 Funny Insults to Roast Everyone in Your Life

Need a hilarious way to put your friends in their place? One that gets the point across without being too aggressive or mean? Well, you're in luck because we've collected a whole bunch of funny insults below. Not only are these quips guaranteed to get a laugh, but they're also a surefire way to humble anyone stepping a little too far out of line. Of course, we don't want to end any friendships here, so use these roasts in good spirits only.

RELATED: 145 Good Roasts That Burn So Bad.

The Perks of Using Creative Insults

The prospect of tossing out an insult might not sound that funny, but it's all in the delivery. And if you're worried about your intention getting lost in translation—don't. According to The Smithsonian, a sizable percentage of our communication is coded in sarcasm, and that's something we start picking up on as young as five years old.

The primary benefit of using insults or roasts is that it allows us to say certain truths in gentler ways. Consider a parent calling their child's untidy room a "pig sty" or some other comically obvious exaggeration. Well it's not just parents who rely on this kind of humor to deliver certain messages or requests.

Funny insults come in handy with friends, partners, and even sometimes—sometimes—in the workplace. Below, we've put together some material that you might find useful. With any luck, you'll find the right words for your situation.

Funny Insults That Really Aren't That Mean

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1. "I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you."
2. “Your mouth should be as silent as the ‘P' in psychology.”
3. “Calling you is a waste of time.”
4. "I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to bury my head that deep in the sand."
5. "I'm still deciding whether you're the weakest link or the missing link."
6. "Talking to you is like stepping on a leaf in autumn and not hearing a crunch."
7. "You actually look nice today. You deserve a cookie."
8. "Your thoughts should be flushed."
9. "You deserve to be loved from a distance."
10. "Remember, empty barrels make the loudest noise."
11. "You remind me of a Monday morning."
12. "Please shut your mouth when talking to me."
13. "You, sir, are an oxygen thief."
14. "You're so fake, Barbie is jealous."
15. "I pity your significant other. They really have their hands full."
16. "You have the fashion sense of a rainbow-colored banana."
17. "Silence is the best answer for a fool."
18. "The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it."
19. "You do realize that we're just tolerating you, right?"
20. "Your mother should have swallowed you."
21. “If we continue talking to each other, I might end up dead.”

RELATED: 102 Good Comebacks for All the Haters in Your Life. 

Funny Insults for Friends

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22. “There are a million words in the English language, and there's no such way to combine them to describe how much I want to beat you with a chair.”
23. "You are the only friend in our group who’s going to hell."
24. "I know I make stupid choices, but you’re the worst one of all."
25. "The salt on this food is enough to kill an earthworm."
26. "They say opposites attract, so I really hope you meet someone who is goodlooking, intelligent, and cultured."
27. "Even if you married, you’d still be single."
28. "Your kids need to be returned to where they came from."
29. "I'm only friends with you for the drama."
30. "You'd fail a personality test."
31. "I didn't pick up when you called because I'm ignoring you."
32. “In what way are your parents related to each other?”
33. "Your skincare routine shouldn’t smell like a graveyard."
34. "You're proof that the gene pool needs lifeguards."
35. "The good books say to make good friends, but I think I made a mistake."
36. "You are every bit as annoying as a crying baby on a plane."
37. "I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
38. "Some babies were dropped on their heads but you were clearly thrown at a wall."
39. "Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick."
40. "You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen."
41. "When the sanitation worker stopped by, he forgot to take you out with the rest of the trash."
42. "Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory."
43. "These headaches left immediately once I got away from you."

Creative Insults About Someone's Intelligence

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44. “I'd insult you, but then I'll have to explain it afterward, so never mind.”
45. “I don't have the time or the crayons to explain it to you.”
46. "You're so dense, light bends around you."
47. "I'm almost jealous of how dumb you can be."
48. "You're so dumb that if I wanted to make you laugh on a Saturday, I'd need to tell you the joke by Wednesday."
49. "You look smarter in pictures."
50. “If they ask for a doctor on board, you should whip out your math degree and start solving for resuscitation.”
51. "The closest you'll come to a brainstorm is a light drizzle."
52. "We are not going to appease that empty brain of yours."
53. "How can you get an education and not get any educational experience?"
54. "I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you."
55. "I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works."
56. "How can your IQ be in the single digits?"
57. "Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you'll find a brain back there."
58. "There is no vaccine against stupidity."
59. "Of course I'm talking to you like an idiot, how else would you understand me?"
60. "You're not the dumbest person alive, but you better hope they're taking vitamins."
61. “I have to teach myself not to trust your stupid decisions.”
62. “I'd have to understand this for you. Explaining won't help you either.”

RELATED: The Best Put-Downs From History, Hollywood, and More.

Savage Insults Words

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63. Blatherskite: Someone who speaks frequently and at length but without much substance.
64. Cockalorum: A self-important or pretentious person.
65. Cumberworld: Something or someone who is considered useless; an encumbrance on the world.
66. Fopdoodle: A stupid, simple person.
67. Lickspittle: Someone who kisses up to people in authority to gain an advantage.
68. Milksop: A cowardly person incapable of making a decision.
69. Mooncalf: A foolish or absent-minded person.
70. Mumpsimus: Someone who clings to outdated or unreasonable customs.
71. Ninnyhammer: A fool or a simpleton.
72. Pillock: A stupid or silly person.
73. Smellfungus: Someone always looking to critique or find fault in something.
74. Snollygoster: Someone shrewd or unprincipled.

Funny Ways to Insult Someone's Appearance

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75. “You need to try clothes at the store and look in the mirror before you wear things like this.”
76. “Don't ever wear a burlap sack on your head. People won't be able to tell where the sack started and where your face ended.”
77. “You must have been holding an umbrella when God rained beauty all over his creations.”
78. "You’re not pretty enough to be this foolish."
79. "Your eyebrows look like an eagle’s wings."
80. "Your face makes me agnostic."
81. "You’ve been trying to get your summer body for two winters now."
82. “Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone.”
83. "The mirror broke when you looked at it. You can’t fix ugly."
84. "Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?"
85. "I hate you. All your calories go to your big head and not your body."
86. “Did you use a mud puddle for a mirror this morning?”
87. “It would help if you sued your parents for looking like that.”
88. “Nice face. I bet you'd look good on the radio.”
89. “What contraceptive do you use? Your face?”

RELATED: 40 One-Liner Jokes That'll Crack Up Your Friends.

Funny Insults for Work

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90. “I'm smart, and I know you're only benefitting from my wealth of knowledge.”
91. "The middle finger should be your motto for life."
92. "As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?"
93. "You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers."
94. "A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."
95. "It's impossible to underestimate you."
96. "You look like someone fed you after midnight."
97. "I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."
98. "No, my powers can only be used for good."
99. "You'll go far someday. And I hope you stay there."
100. "Did you develop your personality in a car crash?"
101. "I envy everyone who hasn't met you."
102. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."
103. "Do you see the light at the end of the tunnel? Your presence keeps covering it up."
104. "A PBS mind in an MTV world."
105. "What doesn't kill you disappoints the rest of us."
106. "This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting."
107. "Allow me to introduce my selves."
108. "How do I set a laser printer to stun?"
109. "Sarcasm is just one more service we offer."
110. "You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily."