40 Funny Blonde Jokes You Should Probably Never Say Out Loud

These hilarious jokes prove that blondes really do have more fun.

40 Funny Blonde Jokes You Should Probably Never Say Out Loud
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To all the blondes out there, we get it. Being blonde comes with tolerating a lot, from expensive toning shampoos to the constant pressure to live up to the saying that blondes have more fun. But perhaps the most annoying part of being a blonde is enduring the never-ending stream of blonde jokes. And for that, we have a solution: Come up with a few blonde jokes of your own—or use one of these.

Whether you’ve got natural platinum locks or have a standing appointment with your stylist every six to eight weeks, these blonde jokes are guaranteed to make you chuckle. Because you know what? Blondes do have more fun—and these blonde jokes are here to prove it. And if you’re in more polite company (or, you know, brunette company), try telling one of our dozens of hilarious clean jokes instead.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

She kept throwing out all the ‘W’s.

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So they can remember them.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

You tell her a joke on Wednesday.

A blonde asked her coworker, “Do you have any kids?”

“Yes,” she replied. “I have one child that’s just under two.”

The blonde said, “I might be blonde, but I know how many one is.”

Two blondes were driving and one thought her blinker might be broken…

She asked her friend to check. The friend stuck her head out and said, “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…”

How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?

You give them a shampoo that says “rinse, wash, and repeat.”

The blonde’s computer password had to be eight characters long and include at least one capital….

So she made it “MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyAlbany.”

Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said, “Disneyland Left.”

So they started crying and went home.

Why do blondes wear so much hair spray?

So they can catch all the things that go over their head.

A blonde was driving along the highway and approached a service station with a sign that read, “Clean Restrooms.”

So she did.

How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?

Shine a flashlight in her ears.

Did you hear about the blonde who bought an AM radio?

It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.

How does a blonde brain cell die?

Alone.

Why do blondes like lightning?

They think someone is taking their picture.

How do you keep at blonde at home?

You build a circular driveway.

A blonde walks into a hospital and claims that everywhere she touches hurts…

The doctor says, “Ma’am, you have a broken finger.”

Why did the blonde think she was a genius after completing her jigsaw puzzle?

The box said “for two to five years” and it only took her one.

Three blondes walk into a building…

You’d think at least one of them would’ve seen it.

A blonde calls an airline and asks, “How long are your flights from America to the U.K.?”

The woman on the other end of the phone says, “Just a minute…” The blonde says, “Thanks!” and hangs up the phone.

How can you make a blonde go to the roof?

Tell her that drinks are on the house.

Why couldn’t the blonde write the number 11?

She couldn’t figure out which number came first.

A blind man walks into a bar. He sits down and says, “Who wants to hear some blonde jokes?”

The waitress says “I’m blonde! And my coworker is blonde, too. Also, the lady sitting next to you is blonde as well. Are you sure you want to tell them?”

The blind guy says “No, I guess not. I don’t want to have to explain it three times.”

What do blondes do when their laptop freezes?

Microwave them.

What’s it called when a blonde dyes her hair brown?

Artificial intelligence.

What did the blonde say when she saw a box of Cheerios?

“Wow! Doughnut seeds!”

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?”

The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see.”

Why couldn’t the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?

She couldn’t find the 10 key.

What do you call an intelligent blonde?

A golden retriever!

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench…

One blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?” The other blonde says, “Well, you can’t see Florida…”

Why was the blonde staring at a bottle of orange juice?

Because it said concentrate.

Did you hear about the near‑tragedy at the mall?

There was a power outage and eight blondes were stuck on the escalators for more than four hours.

Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?

To see what was on the other side.

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?

You have to hollow out the head.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde’s head?

A Space Invader.

Why do blondes drive BMWs?

Because they can spell it.

Why didn’t 19 blondes go into a bar?

The sign said 21+.

I asked my blonde friend why she kept empty beer bottles in the refrigerator…

She said, “They’re for my friends who don’t drink.”

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?

She fell out of the tree.

A blonde crashed a helicopter…

When the police officer asked why, she said, “It got chilly in here, so I turned off the fan.”

What did the blonde name her pet zebra?

Spot.

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