30 Actually Funny Clean Jokes for Any Situation
These totally PG jokes are good for a laugh anytime.
Antibiotics and insulin aside, laughter is undeniably the best medicine. However, while many of us have repertoires chock-full of raunchy jokes perfect for cracking up our college pals, there are numerous times when a more delicate approach is needed—like when you’re trying to win over that new boss or elicit a laugh from your grandma who hasn’t cracked a smile in the better part of a century.
And while there’s certainly a place in every amateur comedian’s routine for a few groaners—we’re looking at you, dad jokes—these clean jokes manage to walk that delicate line between jokes that stay on the right side of PG and ones that will actually make you laugh. The next time you’ve got an audience to impress, these clean jokes are sure to have everyone cracking up. And for more great humor, check out these 40 Facts So Funny They’re Hard to Believe.
People think “icy” is the easiest word to spell.
Come to think of it, I see why.
My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, “Just you wait!”
And if you think that’s funny, you’ll love these 50 Knock Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up.
Comic Sans walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve your type here.”
What’s the easiest way to get straight As?
Use a ruler.
And for more belly laughs, check out The 30 Funniest Sitcom Jokes of All Time.
A grasshopper sits down at a bar.
The bartender says, “We have a drink named after you!”
The grasshopper replies, “Who names a drink ‘Steve?’”
And for more sophomoric humor, brush up on these 75 Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Actually Funny.
What’s a balloon’s least favorite type of music?
I went into a store to buy some books about turtles.
“Hardbacks?” asked the shopkeeper.
“Yes,” I replied. “And they have little heads, too.”
And for more animal humor, take a gander at the 40 Funniest Jokes About Animals.
What does the world’s top dentist get?
A little plaque.
I used to be addicted to not showering.
Luckily, I’ve been clean for five years.
Have you heard about Murphy’s Law?
Yes. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
How about Cole’s Law?
It’s julienned cabbage in a creamy dressing.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
“Breathe, man! Breathe!”
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, the other’s a little lighter.
How does a farmer mend his overalls?
With cabbage patches.
Why was the tomato red?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
I got my husband a fridge for his birthday.
His face lit up when he opened it.
Why were they called the Dark Ages?
Because there were lots of knights.
A group of crows was arrested for hanging out together.
The charge? Attempted murder.
How do you look for Will Smith in the snow?
Just follow the fresh prints.
Which rock group has four guys who can’t sing or play instruments?
Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
Because he always has a great fall.
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia.
She whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
Want to hear a roof joke?
The first one’s on the house.
What should you do if you’re attacked by a group of clowns?
Go straight for the juggler.
Why don’t koalas count as bears?
They don’t have the right koalafications.
A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway.
Police advise citizens to look out for a group of hardened criminals.
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
I saw a movie about how ships are put together.
It was riveting.
A man walks into a library and orders a hamburger.
The librarian says, “This is a library.” The man apologizes and whispers, “I’d like a hamburger, please.”
Why did the taxi driver get fired?
Passengers didn’t like it when she went the extra mile.
What do you get when you pour root beer into a square cup?
And for more hilarious humor, check out the 30 Funniest Jokes in Popular Songs!
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