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80 Cow Jokes That Are Udderly Hilarious

You know what they say about cows…

Ah, cows. There's nothing quite like them. These black and white, grass-eating beasts that go "moo" are some of the funniest (and most adorable) animals. Just look at them—their tongues are long enough to reach their noses! Whether you're a dairy eater or not, you have to admit that they're pretty amusing. Not to mention, there are plenty of funny cow puns to go around. These silly cow jokes hit the bulls-eye when it comes to hilarity, and we assure you they're udderly hysterical. So mooove on over and check out some of the funniest cow jokes we could find.

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Funny Cow Jokes

Crazy smiling cow with tongue looking to a camera on blue clear background
Dudarev Mikhail / Shutterstock
  1. What did one dairy cow say to the other? "Got milk?"
  2. Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
  3. What do you call a cow that drinks too much coffee? Over-calfinated.
  4. What do you call the cow who hit it big playing the lottery? A cash cow.
  5. Why was the cow sad? She was moo-dy.
  6. Why did the two cows hate each other? They had beef.
  7. What do you call a grass-fed cow? A lawn moo-er.
  8. Why did the cow win an award? She was out standing in her field.
  9. Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them? In case they bypassed the milky way.
  10. Where do cows get all their medicine? The farmacy.
  11. Why are cows, such great dancers? Because they have all the best moo-ves.
  12. What do you get if you cross a cow and rooster? Roost beef.
  13. What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? Laughing stock.
  14. How did the farmer find the missing cow? He tractor down.
  15. How do cows laugh? "Moo-haha."
  16. Where do steers go to dance? The Meat Ball.
  17. What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow? A steak out.
  18. Why did the cow jump over the moon? Because the farmer's hands were cold.
  19. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? "It's pasture bedtime."
  20. What did the coach say to the cows? "Now get out there and give me 2 percent!"
  21. Why can't cows wear shoes? Because they lactose.
  22. What do you call a cow on a diet? Lean beef.
  23. Why did the cow go to the spa? She really needed some re-hoove-ination.
  24. Where do baby cows eat lunch? In the calfeteria.
  25. Why don't cows have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry.
  26. What do you call a cow that can't produce milk? A milk dud.
  27. Where did the bull lose all his money? At the cow-sino.

READ THIS NEXT: 50 Animal Puns That Are Seriously Amoosing.

Cow Jokes for Kids

Four funny cows looking at the camera
Birkir Asgeirsson / Shutterstock
  1. What do you call a magic cow? "Moo-dini."
  2. What do you call a cow in full armor? Sir Loin.
  3. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
  4. What do cows read in the morning? The moos-paper.
  5. Where will you find the most cows? Moo York.
  6. How do you count cows? With a cowculator.
  7. What does a cow watch? MooTube.
  8. What does a surfing cow say? "Cowabunga!"
  9. What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat? A coat.
  10. What do you call a sleeping cow? A bull-dozer.
  11. What did the mother cow say to her daughter on her birthday? "You're so a-moo-sing."
  12. What do you call a cow that's laying down? "Ground beef."
  13. Why did the farmer buy a brown cow? He wanted chocolate milk.
  14. What do cows play at concerts? Moo-sic.
  15. What time is it when a cow sits on your hat? Time to get a new hat.
  16. What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.
  17. What kind of math do farm animals like to do? Cowculus.
  18. What happens when a cow laughs? Milk comes out of its nose.
  19. What would we call a cow who won a beauty pageant? "A Dairy Queen."
  20. Why was the cow afraid? Because he was a cow-herd.
  21. What do you get when a cow jumps on a trampoline? Milkshake.
  22. What do you call a sad cow? Moo-dy.
  23. What do you call a cow in your backyard? "A lawn-mower."
  24. Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work.
  25. How do you make a cow quiet down? You press the moo-te button.

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Cow Knock-Knock Jokes

funny cow in a field
FooTToo / Shutterstock
  1. Knock, knock! Who's there? Cow go. Cows go who? No, silly cows go moo!
  2. Knock, knock! Who's there? A cow with no lips. A cow with no lips who? A cow with no lips said ooo ooo!
  3. Knock, knock! Who's there? Candy. Candy who? Candy cow jump over the moon!
  4. Knock, knock! Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow, wh — MOOOOOO!
  5. Knock, knock! Who's there? Cow. Cow who? Cow-a-bunga dude!
  6. Knock, knock! Who's there? Moo. Moo who? Make up your mind: Are you a cow or an owl?
  7. Knock, knock! Who's there? Cow. Cow who? Cow much longer are you going to put up with all this knocking?

Funny Udder Jokes

happy calf tongue
mathias facello / Shutterstock
  1. Why did the cow jump over the moon? Because she wanted to see udder space.
  2. What did the secret agent cow say to the other? "Are you udder cover?"
  3. 'Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.
  4. What happened when the cow ran into the fence? It was udderly destroyed.
  5. What happens when you try talking to a cow? Everything just goes in one ear and out the udder.
  6. What did the cow say to his sweetheart? "I am udderly in love with you!"
  7. Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.
  8. What did the cow say at the end of the workday? "An udder day, an udder dollar."
  9. What do you call a cow that won't give milk? An udder failure.
  10. What does a farmer talk about when she's milking a cow? Udder nonsense.

Funny Cow Puns and One-Liners

funny cow in a pasture
Olha Rohulya / Shutterstock
  1. If you feel like you've herd all these cow puns before, you're probably just experiencing deja-moo.
  2. Why does a brown cow give white milk when it only eats green grass?
  3. A publisher who writes is like a cow in a milk bar.
  4. The farmer only counted 299 cows in the pasture, so he decided to round them up to 300.
  5. Once a cow decides to stop shaving, it doesn't take them long to grow a moo-stache.
  6. One of the problems with invisible cows is that they are always herd but never seen.
  7. A cow will never tell you a lie because they simply give you no bull.
  8. I don't even know what to tell you about this divine bovine I just saw. I mean, holy cow…
  9. I get what you were going for, but you totally butchered that joke.
  10. Make sure you show up on time. Otherwise, Bessie will have a cow.
  11. If you see a cow climbing to the top of a hill, then you know the cream is rising to the top.

Wrapping Up

That's it for our list of cow jokes, but be sure to check back with us soon for even more laughs. You can also sign up for our newsletter so you don't miss out on what's next!

Carrie Weisman
Carrie Weisman oversees all SEO efforts at Best Life. She specializes in content optimization and editorial marketing. Read more
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