70 Jokes So Corny They’ll Leave You in Stitches

Straight from our readers!

70 Jokes So Corny They’ll Leave You in Stitches

Straight from our readers!

circle

It’s no secret that we love jokes here at Best Life—whether we’re talking about bad ones, clean ones, corny ones, hilarious ones, dad ones, kid ones, or good old-fashioned knock-knock ones. In fact, we love jokes to much that we recently called on our loyal readers to submit their favorite silly jokes. Suffice it to say, they delivered.

After reading through hundreds of reader submissions—and laughing so hard my sides were hurting and my tear ducts were running dry—we’ve culled the list down to these 65 of our readers’ wittiest wisecracks, punchiest punchlines, and goofiest gags. So read on, and enjoy! And to keep the great laughs coming, don’t miss these 30 Funniest Jokes on Highway Warning Signs.

Adele

1
Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side!
– Marlena Wood; Havertown, PA
And for more laughs, don’t miss these 50 Amazing Jokes You Can Text to Friends.

weird laws

2
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna1, Anna2!
– Nidia Guri; Madison heights, MI
And for more silly laughs, check out the 50 Knock Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up.

bartender

3
Three nuns walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
– Jason Stiff; Santa Barbara, CA

chocolate chip cookies

4
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because he felt crummy!
– Amanda Reardon; Shelburne, NH

5
What’s a cat’s favorite treat in the summer?

A mice cream cone!
– Sarah Moore; Fargo, ND
And for more jokes straight out of the animal kingdom, don’t miss 40 Funniest Jokes About Animals.

ruined running shoes

6
A doctor and a lawyer are hiking in the woods and come across a bear…

… The lawyer then stops to put on his sneakers. The doctor says to the lawyer: “What are you doing?! We can’t outrun this bear!”
The lawyer looks at the doctor and says: “I know. I just need to outrun you!”
– LaTran Scott; Wayne, NJ

beer in a bar

7
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here!”
– Fernando Olivares; Calexico, CA

Molla The Pet Owl Craziest Pets

8
What do you call a magic owl?

Whodini!
– Sandra Dukes; Lafayette, IN

J.Crew Packable Panama Hat

9
What did the hat say to the tie?

You hang around. I’ll go on a head!
– Dawn Webb; Bellingham , WA
For more silly humor, check out these Hilarious Jokes about Home Design Shows.

glass of water

10
Some guy came to my door asking for a small donation for the new public pool.

So I gave him a glass of water!
– Craig Olshlager; Van Nuys, CA

cat in bathroom

11
You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there?

European!
– Holly Garnett; Torrington, CT

Snoop Dogg parenting dad

12
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?

For drizzle!
– Scott Simmonette; Douglasville, GA

Forrest Gump worst Oscar winners

13
What’s Forrest Gump’s password?

1forest1!
– Tiago Pedreira; Torrington, CT
Zombie apocalypse weird college classes

14
What does a vegetarian zombie eat?

Grains!
– Andrew Kennicutt; Rochester, MN

Molecules

15
Why can you never trust an atom?

Because they make up everything!
– Mary Arns; Birmingham, AL

Beef chicken lol

16
Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
– Kari Roth; Appleton, WI

clown fish movie facts

17
What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Dam!
– Roxanne Richards; Toledo, OH

dressing well in your 30s

18
What did the number 0 say to the number 8?

Nice belt!
– Darryl Perry; North Andover, MA

bert and ernie

19
Bert says to Ernie, “Ernie, would you like some ice cream?”

Ernie says, “Sherbert!”
– EJ Luera; Las Vegas, NV

Bunnies

20
What do you call a bunch of rabbits in a row walking backwards?

A receding hare line.
– Bob Haynes; Springfield, MO

snowman

21
What did one snowman say to  the other snowman?

Do you smell carrots?
– Ron Elstun; Colorado Springs, CO

bad jokes that are actually funny

22
A skeleton walks into a bar…

…and asked for a beer and a mop.
– Doug Bryant; Clifton, VA

Sheep in Vineyard

23
Where does a sheep go to get a haircut?

The Baaa-Baaa Shop!
– Annmarie Weeks; Fogelsville, PA

Onions, healthy food

24
What is the difference between bagpipes and onions?

No one cries when you cut up the bagpipes!
– Glen Morris; Kamloops, BC

50 funniest facts

25
Why don’t people eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
– Catlynne Keet; Jacksonville, FL

Man outside wearing sunglasses

26
Son: “Where are my sunglasses?”

Dad: “I don’t know: Where are my dad glasses?”
– MaryLou Burks; Reno, NV

how to fall asleep

27
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?


Look, Grandpa, no hands!
– Lorri Robey; Welcome, MD

TV bias lighting at Best Buy

28
Son: “Dad, can I watch the TV?”

Dad: “Yes, but don’t turn it on.”
– Nichole Barr; Las Vegas, NV
fridges discounts woman opening

29
How do you know there’s an elephant in your fridge?

You can’t shut the door!
– Jamie  Schamp; Liverpool, NY
Penguin Couple Things You Believed That Aren't True

30
A man was driving down the street with a bunch of penguins…

…in the  backseat of his car and got pulled over by a police officer. The officer said  to the man “Mister, you better take those penguins to the zoo!”  So away they went! The next day the same officer sees the man driving down the street and again he has the penguins in the backseat of his car, so he pulls him over again and says “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!”  The man replies, ” I did officer, but we had so much fun at the zoo yesterday that we’re going back today!”
– Mindy Moses; Irvine, CA

winter superfoods shiitake mushrooms

31
What did the male mushroom say to the female mushroom?

Hey, I’m a fun-gi!
– Kane ZuHone; Highland Lakes, NJ

fly

32
A female fly is sitting on a pile of dog feces.


A male fly spots her, flies down to her, checks her out, looks her in the eyes and says:
Is this stool taken?
– Marty Kruszynski; Richfield, OH

Pig brain crazy news 2018

33
What do you get when play tug of war with a pig?

Pulled Pork!
– Aimee Wyatt; Redondo Beach, CA

34
The teacher asked little Henry:

“Tell me little Henry; What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference?”
Little Henry: “I don’t know and I don’t care!”
– James Gillette, Tallahassee, FL

Soldier in fatigues

35
Where do Generals keep their armies?

Up their sleevies!
– Barbra Galindo; San Tan Valley, AZ

Bacon Level Alabama

36
How can you tell that bacon isn’t American?

Because it is made in grease (Greece)!
– Larry Ketchersid; Austin, TX

Duck Swimming Animal Jokes

37
Why don’t ducks fly upside down?

Because they will quack up!
– Louie Ceja; Midlothian, IL

hands proposing with ring

38
What are the three rings of marriage?

Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering!
– Laurie Buffington; San Diego, CA

Sleeping Duck Corny Jokes

39
A duck walked into a pharmacy…

He told the pharmacist he wanted some chapstick.
The pharmacist asked him how he wanted to pay.
He said put it on my bill.
– John Polster; Greenfield, WI

pirate facebook

40
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.

He orders a bottle of rum. The bartender gives it to him and ask the pirate if that’s a new hat on his head.
The pirate laughs and tells the bartender, “No matey that’s where they put the bounty on me head!”
– Gray Starling; Pfafftown, NC

bad puns

41
Wanna hear a ghost joke?

That’s the spirit!
– Gabriella Varcoe, Bloomington, MN

Flag of Ireland

42
What’s Irish and stays out all night?

Patty O’Furniture!
– Larry Dockall; Waco, TX

pillows outdoor seating

43
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?

They’re making headlines!
– Ellen-Sue, Ryan; Alexandria, VA

endangered species

44
Did you hear about the wolf who tried meditating?

Now he’s aware wolf!
– Robyn Stewart; Silver Spring, MD

Two Cows national animal

45
Two vegans were having an argument.

Do they still call it a beef?
– Gary Brackett; Sonora, CA

bad jokes that are actually funny

46
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?

Because it has a silent pee!
– Tania Tomilonus; Rockford, IL

bad jokes that are actually funny

47
What did the janitor say when he popped out of the closet?

“SUPPLIES!”
– April Brady; Grand Rapids, MI

bar stool Organized

48
A man walks into a bar.

“Ouch!”
– Lenard White; Sonoma, CA

Sunrise Best Date Ideas

49
What does 5 a.m. have in common with a pig’s tail?

It’s twirly! (Get it? Too early?)
– Mark Kelleher; Woodbury, MN

bad puns

50
Knock Knock.

“Who’s There?”
“Little old lady.”
‘Little old lady who?’
“I didn’t know you could yodel!”
– Amber Ratliff; Anaheim, CA

husky dog in the woods

51
Pavlov walks into a bar.

As he is enjoying his drink, the phone at the end of the bar rings.
Pavlov jumps from his seat and exclaims, “I forgot to feed the dog!”
– Tom McLennan; Atlanta, GA

carrots health myths

52
What’s invisible and smells like carrots?

Bunny burps!
– Anthony Porter; West Jordan, UT

dan dan noodles

53
What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
– Linda  Mccook; Fontana, CA

desktop backgrounds yellow

54
What’s the first letter of the word ‘yellow’?

“Y”
“Because I want to know!”
– Tim Brown; Paynesville, MN

Camel Bogus 20th Century Facts

55
How does a camel hide in the desert?

Camelflauge
– Michele Geary; Greensburg, PA

divorce secrets

56
Why did the computer start singing?

It was a dell!
– Thomas Sturgeon; Jacksonville, FL

fatboy bike, unusual gifts

57
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
– Linda Singleton; Chicago, IL

funniest facts

58
What do you call a sweet sucker?

Pop!
– Jon Lewis; Brooklyn, NY

Laser printer

59
What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive?

Someday my prints will come!
– Jack Kinsell; Villa Rica, GA

seafood Italians

60
I’ve always loved the seafood diet.

When I see food I eat it!
– Michael Graczyk; Tinley Park, IL

Jaguar XJR, luxury sedans

61
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
– Kurt Koffler; Topeka, KS

Bars of soap

62
“I made a bad mistake today…

…and gave my dad some soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast.”
“Was he mad?”
“Yup. He was foaming at the mouth!”
– Fred King; Grand Ledge, MI

hobbies for your 40s

63
Knock knock!

“Who’s there?”
“Canoe!”
“Canoe who?”
“Canoe please let me in?”
– Kelly Marks; Kent, WA

Sea creature

64
Why does the little mermaid wear C-shells?

Because she grew out of A and B shells
– Evelyn Gutierrez; Magnolia, TX

cheap mattress Never Buy

65
What did one bed bug say to the other bed bug?

We’re getting married in the spring!
– Jeannine Blondiau; Prairieville, LA

50 funniest facts

66
Why don’t lobsters share?

Because they are shell fish! (Selfish)
– Jan Sobieski; Macungie, PA

Miley Cyrus Fish Pablow Celebrity Pets

67
What do you call a fish without eyes (“i”s)?

A fsssshhhhh!
– Roger Reis; Macungie, PA

Bagels for breakfast crummy

68
What did the bagel say to the donut?

Let’s find some middle ground!
–Terri Mattson; Eden Prairie, MN

winter superfoods

69
What do you get when you mix 3.14159 with a lemon?

Lemon Pie!
–Harold Dufrene; Lockport, LA

Seagull Flying Corny Jokes

70
Why doesn’t a seagull fly over the bay?

Because then it would be a bay gull (bagel)
–Kathy Raner; Vancouver, WA

Next, don’t miss the 75 Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Actually Funny.

To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter!

Best Life
Live smarter, look better,​ and live your life to the absolute fullest.
Get Our Newsletter Every Day!
Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice.
close modal
close modal
GET YOUR FREE GIFT
SUBSCRIBE