70 Jokes So Corny They'll Leave You in Stitches
Straight from our readers!
It's no secret that we love jokes here at Best Life—whether we're talking about bad ones, clean ones, corny ones, hilarious ones, dad ones, kid ones, or good old-fashioned knock-knock ones. In fact, we love jokes to much that we recently called on our loyal readers to submit their favorite silly jokes. Suffice it to say, they delivered.
After reading through hundreds of reader submissions—and laughing so hard my sides were hurting and my tear ducts were running dry—we've culled the list down to these 65 of our readers' wittiest wisecracks, punchiest punchlines, and goofiest gags. So read on, and enjoy the best corny jokes!
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side!
– Marlena Wood; Havertown, PA
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
– Nidia Guri; Madison heights, MI
And for more corny jokes, check out the 50 Knock Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up.
Three nuns walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
– Jason Stiff; Santa Barbara, CA
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because he felt crummy!
– Amanda Reardon; Shelburne, NH
What's a cat's favorite treat in the summer?
A mice cream cone!
– Sarah Moore; Fargo, ND
And for even more of the best corny jokes, don't miss 40 Funniest Jokes About Animals.
A doctor and a lawyer are hiking in the woods and come across a bear…
… The lawyer then stops to put on his sneakers. The doctor says to the lawyer: "What are you doing?! We can't outrun this bear!"
The lawyer looks at the doctor and says: "I know. I just need to outrun you!"
– LaTran Scott; Wayne, NJ
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food here!"
– Fernando Olivares; Calexico, CA
What do you call a magic owl?
– Sandra Dukes; Lafayette, IN
What did the hat say to the tie?
You hang around. I'll go on a head!
– Dawn Webb; Bellingham , WA
For more corny jokes, check out these Hilarious Jokes about Home Design Shows.
Some guy came to my door asking for a small donation for the new public pool.
So I gave him a glass of water!
– Craig Olshlager; Van Nuys, CA
You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there?
– Holly Garnett; Torrington, CT
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
– Scott Simmonette; Douglasville, GA
What's Forrest Gump's password?
– Tiago Pedreira; Torrington, CT
What does a vegetarian zombie eat?
– Andrew Kennicutt; Rochester, MN
Why can you never trust an atom?
Because they make up everything!
– Mary Arns; Birmingham, AL
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
– Kari Roth; Appleton, WI
What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
– Roxanne Richards; Toledo, OH
What did the number 0 say to the number 8?
– Darryl Perry; North Andover, MA
Bert says to Ernie, "Ernie, would you like some ice cream?"
Ernie says, "Sherbert!"
– EJ Luera; Las Vegas, NV
What do you call a bunch of rabbits in a row walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
– Bob Haynes; Springfield, MO
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
– Ron Elstun; Colorado Springs, CO
A skeleton walks into a bar…
…and asked for a beer and a mop.
– Doug Bryant; Clifton, VA
Where does a sheep go to get a haircut?
The Baaa-Baaa Shop!
– Annmarie Weeks; Fogelsville, PA
What is the difference between bagpipes and onions?
No one cries when you cut up the bagpipes!
– Glen Morris; Kamloops, BC
Why don't people eat clowns?
Because they taste funny!
– Catlynne Keet; Jacksonville, FL
Son: "Where are my sunglasses?"
Dad: "I don't know: Where are my dad glasses?"
– MaryLou Burks; Reno, NV
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
Look, Grandpa, no hands!
– Lorri Robey; Welcome, MD
Son: "Dad, can I watch the TV?"
Dad: "Yes, but don't turn it on."
– Nichole Barr; Las Vegas, NV
How do you know there's an elephant in your fridge?
You can't shut the door!
– Jamie Schamp; Liverpool, NY
A man was driving down the street with a bunch of penguins…
…in the backseat of his car and got pulled over by a police officer. The officer said to the man "Mister, you better take those penguins to the zoo!" So away they went! The next day the same officer sees the man driving down the street and again he has the penguins in the backseat of his car, so he pulls him over again and says "I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" The man replies, " I did officer, but we had so much fun at the zoo yesterday that we're going back today!"
– Mindy Moses; Irvine, CA
What did the male mushroom say to the female mushroom?
Hey, I'm a fun-gi!
– Kane ZuHone; Highland Lakes, NJ
A female fly is sitting on a pile of dog feces.
A male fly spots her, flies down to her, checks her out, looks her in the eyes and says:
Is this stool taken?
– Marty Kruszynski; Richfield, OH
What do you get when play tug of war with a pig?
– Aimee Wyatt; Redondo Beach, CA
The teacher asked little Henry:
"Tell me little Henry; What's the difference between ignorance and indifference?"
Little Henry: "I don't know and I don't care!"
– James Gillette, Tallahassee, FL
Where do Generals keep their armies?
Up their sleevies!
– Barbra Galindo; San Tan Valley, AZ
How can you tell that bacon isn't American?
Because it is made in grease (Greece)!
– Larry Ketchersid; Austin, TX
Why don't ducks fly upside down?
Because they will quack up!
– Louie Ceja; Midlothian, IL
What are the three rings of marriage?
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering!
– Laurie Buffington; San Diego, CA
A duck walked into a pharmacy…
He told the pharmacist he wanted some chapstick.
The pharmacist asked him how he wanted to pay.
He said put it on my bill.
– John Polster; Greenfield, WI
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.
He orders a bottle of rum. The bartender gives it to him and ask the pirate if that's a new hat on his head.
The pirate laughs and tells the bartender, "No matey that's where they put the bounty on me head!"
– Gray Starling; Pfafftown, NC
Wanna hear a ghost joke?
That's the spirit!
– Gabriella Varcoe, Bloomington, MN
What's Irish and stays out all night?
– Larry Dockall; Waco, TX
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines!
– Ellen-Sue, Ryan; Alexandria, VA
Did you hear about the wolf who tried meditating?
Now he's aware wolf!
– Robyn Stewart; Silver Spring, MD
Two vegans were having an argument.
Do they still call it a beef?
– Gary Brackett; Sonora, CA
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because it has a silent pee!
– Tania Tomilonus; Rockford, IL
What did the janitor say when he popped out of the closet?
– April Brady; Grand Rapids, MI
A man walks into a bar.
– Lenard White; Sonoma, CA
What does 5 a.m. have in common with a pig's tail?
It's twirly! (Get it? Too early?)
– Mark Kelleher; Woodbury, MN
"Little old lady."
'Little old lady who?'
"I didn't know you could yodel!"
– Amber Ratliff; Anaheim, CA
Pavlov walks into a bar.
As he is enjoying his drink, the phone at the end of the bar rings.
Pavlov jumps from his seat and exclaims, "I forgot to feed the dog!"
– Tom McLennan; Atlanta, GA
What's invisible and smells like carrots?
– Anthony Porter; West Jordan, UT
What do you call a fake noodle?
– Linda Mccook; Fontana, CA
What's the first letter of the word 'yellow'?
"Because I want to know!"
– Tim Brown; Paynesville, MN
How does a camel hide in the desert?
– Michele Geary; Greensburg, PA
Why did the computer start singing?
It was a dell!
– Thomas Sturgeon; Jacksonville, FL
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
– Linda Singleton; Chicago, IL
What do you call a sweet sucker?
– Jon Lewis; Brooklyn, NY
What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive?
Someday my prints will come!
– Jack Kinsell; Villa Rica, GA
I've always loved the seafood diet.
When I see food I eat it!
– Michael Graczyk; Tinley Park, IL
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
– Kurt Koffler; Topeka, KS
"I made a bad mistake today…
…and gave my dad some soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast."
"Was he mad?"
"Yup. He was foaming at the mouth!"
– Fred King; Grand Ledge, MI
"Canoe please let me in?"
– Kelly Marks; Kent, WA
Why does the little mermaid wear C-shells?
Because she grew out of A and B shells.
– Evelyn Gutierrez; Magnolia, TX
What did one bed bug say to the other bed bug?
We're getting married in the spring!
– Jeannine Blondiau; Prairieville, LA
Why don't lobsters share?
Because they are shell fish! (Selfish)
– Jan Sobieski; Macungie, PA
What do you call a fish without eyes ("i"s)?
– Roger Reis; Macungie, PA
What did the bagel say to the donut?
Let's find some middle ground!
–Terri Mattson; Eden Prairie, MN
What do you get when you mix 3.14159 with a lemon?
–Harold Dufrene; Lockport, LA
Why doesn't a seagull fly over the bay?
Because then it would be a bay gull (bagel)
–Kathy Raner; Vancouver, WA
For more of the best corny jokes, check out these 75 Jokes That Are So Bad They're Actually Funny.
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