40 Chemistry Jokes Even Non-Geeks Will Find Hilarious

"AU! These jokes are gold, so read 'em!"

40 Chemistry Jokes Even Non-Geeks Will Find Hilarious
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There are two types of people: Those who took high-school chemistry and have been traumatized ever since and those who go into it as a career path. If you find yourself in the second group, you’re probably looking for ways to lighten your load. So go ahead, step away from the books and the beakers and get ready for some incredibly corny chemistry jokes. And forgive us if some of these miss the mark. We aren’t quite in our element here. (Ba-dum, Tss!)

caipirinha cocktail - chemistry jokes

1
Two chemists walk into a bar…

One tells the bartender, “I’ll have an H2O.” The other says, “I’ll have an H2O too!” The second chemist dies.

Re-enactors Dressed As German Wehrmacht Infantry Soldiers And Russian Soviet Red Army Soldiers World War II Play A Melee Scene About Fighting In Trenches

2
Why did the attacking army use acid?

To neutralize the enemy’s base!

doctor holding a patients hands on a hospital bed - chemistry jokes

3
What do you do with a sick chemist?

If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium!

jealous husband - chemistry jokes

4
Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar…

“OH SNaP!” says the bartender.

Aokigahara suicide forest coffin - chemistry jokes

5
Old chemists never die…

They just stop reacting!

Candle lit first date. - chemistry jokes

6
Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK!

beer in a bar - chemistry jokes

7
A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” 

The bartender gives him a smile and says, “For you, no charge.”

Budgeting money {priorities after 50} - chemistry jokes

8
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They’re cheaper than day rates!

bad puns {priorities after 50} - chemistry jokes

9
What’s the dullest element?

Bohrium!

Reading date - chemistry jokes

10
Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn’t put it down!

Things You Should Never Do in a Fancy Restaurant - chemistry jokes

11
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty, but how does the chemist see it?

Completely full, half with liquid and half with air.

Dishonest businessman - chemistry jokes

12
Why can you never trust atoms?

They make up everything!

hamburger - chemistry jokes

13
Why does a hamburger have less energy than steak?

Because it’s in the ground state!

ice and snow removal - chemistry jokes

14
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

“You may have graduated, but I’ve got many degrees.”

Polar bear - chemistry jokes

15
Why did the white bear dissolve in water?

Because it was polar!

 Man narrowing his eyes Poor body language - chemistry jokes

16
What did one charged atom say to the other?

I got my ion you!

Man hanging woman card - chemistry jokes

17
Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar?

Because he got Avogadro’s number!

crowd walking in city - chemistry jokes

18
Two atoms are walking down the street…

One atom says to the other, “Hey! I think I lost an electron!” The other asks, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m positive!”

A night with the boys- chemistry jokes

19
Why should you go drinking with neutrons?

Because wherever they go, there’s no charge!

better parent over 40 - chemistry jokes

20
What’s a chemistry teachers favorite thing to teach about?

Ammonia, because it’s pretty basic stuff.

ice and snow removal - chemistry jokes

21
What happens when you lower your body temperature to -273°C?

Nothing, you’re perfectly 0K!

bad puns - chemistry jokes

22
Why are chemists great for solving problems?

Because they always have a solution!

words people over 30 won't get - chemistry jokes

23
How did the hipster chemist burn his hand on the beaker?

He picked it up before it was cool.

Dating, matchmaker - chemistry jokes

24
Carbon and hydrogen went on a date.

I heard they really bonded.

man using his journal - chemistry jokes

25
I want to write some jokes about the periodic table…

But I don’t think I’ll be in my element.

Dental Procedure - chemistry jokes

26
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A one molar solution!

save 40 percent of your paycheck - chemistry jokes

27
What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together?

CsI!

golf ball on putting green - chemistry jokes

28
What was Avogadro’s favorite sport?

Golf! He always got a mole-in-one!

Alphabet google - chemistry jokes

29
What is HIJKLMNO?

H2O!

boost your confidence - chemistry jokes

30
What did silver say to gold at the bar?

“Au, get outta here!”

diamond real missing treasure - chemistry jokes

31
What element is a girl’s future best friend?

Carbon!

spilled salt shaker - chemistry jokes

32
Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na.

Chemical reaction- chemistry jokes

33
If you’re not part of the solution…

…you’re part of the precipitate!

50 funniest facts - chemistry jokes

34
What do you call a clown in jail?

A Silicon!

Hydrothermal vent under the sea - chemistry jokes

35
What is the chemical formula for sea water?

CH2O!

man rolling his eyes - chemistry jokes

36
Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide?

NO!

conspiracy theories - chemistry jokes

37
If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed!

american customs- chemistry jokes

38
I think these jokes are sodium funny…

In fact, I slapped my neon that one!

confused woman- chemistry jokes

39
Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you?

Because I see no reaction.

female wearing white T-shirt- chemistry jokes

40
We’d give you some more chemistry jokes…

But all the good ones argon!

Next up, check out the 40 Hilarious Jokes for Kids That Will Make Your Whole Family Laugh.

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