Skip to content

40 Chemistry Jokes Even Non-Geeks Will Find Hilarious

"AU! These jokes are gold, so read 'em!"

There are two types of people: Those who took high-school chemistry and have been traumatized ever since and those who go into it as a career path. If you find yourself in the second group, you're probably looking for ways to lighten your load. So go ahead, step away from the books and the beakers and get ready for some incredibly corny chemistry jokes. And forgive us if some of these miss the mark. We aren't quite in our element here. (Ba-dum, Tss!) Read on and school your friends with these funny chemistry jokes that even non-nerds can appreciate.

Funny chemistry jokes everyone can enjoy

  1. Two chemists walk into a bar. One tells the bartender, "I'll have an H2O." The other says, "I'll have an H2O too!" The second chemist dies.
  2. Why did the attacking army use acid? To neutralize the enemy's base!
  3. What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium!
  4. Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar."OH SNaP!" says the bartender.
  5. Old chemists never die. They just stop reacting!
  6. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK!
  7. A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender gives him a smile and says, "For you, no charge."
  8. Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They're cheaper than day rates!
  9. What's the dullest element? Bohrium!
  10. Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn't put it down!
  11. The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty, but how does the chemist see it? Completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
  12. Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
  13. Why does a hamburger have less energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state!
  14. What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? "You may have graduated, but I've got many degrees."
  15. Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar!
  16. What did one charged atom say to the other? I got my ion you!
  17. Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? Because he got Avogadro's number!
  18. Two atoms are walking down the street. One atom says to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"
  19. Why should you go drinking with neutrons? Because wherever they go, there's no charge!
  20. What's a chemistry teachers favorite thing to teach about? Ammonia, because it's pretty basic stuff.
  21. What happens when you lower your body temperature to -273°C?  Nothing, you're perfectly 0K!
  22. Why are chemists great for solving problems? Because they always have a solution!
  23. How did the hipster chemist burn his hand on the beaker? He picked it up before it was cool.
  24. Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. I heard they really bonded.
  25. I want to write some jokes about the periodic table… But I don't think I'll be in my element.
  26. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution!
  27. What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together? CsI!
  28. What was Avogadro's favorite sport? Golf! He always got a mole-in-one!
  29. What is HIJKLMNO? H2O!
  30. What did silver say to gold at the bar? "Au, get outta here!"
  31. What element is a girl's future best friend? Carbon!
  32. Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na.
  33. If you're not part of the solution…you're part of the precipitate.
  34. What do you call a clown in jail? A Silicon!
  35. What is the chemical formula for sea water? CH2O!
  36. Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO!
  37. If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed!
  38. I think these jokes are sodium funny. In fact, I slapped my neon that one!
  39. Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you? Because I see no reaction.
  40. We'd give you some more chemistry jokes, but all the good ones argon.

To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to follow us on Instagram!

Filed Under
 •  •