There are two possible things that could happen when you tell a joke at the workplace. One, everybody laughs and tells you you’re hilarious. That’s the best case scenario. The worst case is your joke offends a coworker, they report it to HR, and you get fired. That might be a long shot, but humor at the office is always a risky proposition. What might seem harmless to you could rub a colleague the wrong way.
As Toby Young, bestselling author of How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, once warned, cracking jokes around coworkers or even your boss “is a risk that simply isn’t worth taking. In almost every case, you’re flouting authority. And that is often punishable by dismissal.” Play it safe with these 30 jokes designed for an office environment. And for more PG-rated laughs, don’t miss the 75 Jokes So Bad They’re Actually Funny.
My daughter told me she wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don’t think she’d be a good secret agent.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you!
You have my Word!
Blind Bus Driver
I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus. And that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.
And for more silly jokes, don’t miss the 40 Dumb Wordplay Jokes That Will Crack You Up.
What’s red and smells like blue paint?
To err is human
To blame it on someone else shows management potential.
Mo Money, Mo Problems
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
And for more cheap chuckles, check out the 50 Knock Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up.
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor.”
Speaking in tongues
I’ve never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects.
Nothing ruins a Friday more than suddenly realizing it’s actually Tuesday.
I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.
Forty-two percent of statistics are made up.
I have all the money I’ll ever need—if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
Two definitions of stealing
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion. I imagine he’ll be given a tough sentence.
Cats and dogs
A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff.
Drink more coffee
Why do I drink so much coffee? It helps me do stupid things faster and with more energy.
You know what they say about a clean desk…
It’s a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Pick a lane
If everything seems to be coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.
I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I refused to be talked to in that tone of voice!
My girlfriend said, “You act like a detective too much. I want to split up.”
“Good idea,” I replied. “We can cover more ground that way.”
Taking the boss literally
The boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It’s a hardware problem.
I’m here for whatever you need me to do from the couch.
Playing the numbers
What does a mathematician say when something goes wrong? Figures!
My new girlfriend works at the zoo. I think she’s a keeper.
Working for the weekend
The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.
My pickup truck done left me
Thanks to self-driving cars, it’s only a matter of time before there’s a country song where a guy’s truck leaves him too.
The inventor of the throat lozenge has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral.
A genie asked, “What’s your first wish?”
Steve answered, “I wish I was rich.”
The genie nodded and then said, “What’s your second wish, Rich?”
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.
And for more laughs about aging, check out the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40.
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