30 Best Jokes for Your Partner
We know the secret to a healthy relationship is a good laugh.
It turns out there really is a secret to a happy relationship. According to a 2016 study out of the University of Kansas, couples who share a sense of humor—meaning, they find the same things funny—are more likely to stay together. If you make him or her laugh, and vice-versa, it's a good bet you're soul mates. If you're looking for a few good jokes about relationships that you can share with your partner (and find out if you're both on the same comedic page), we did your homework for you. Here are 50 jokes designed for couples, that only two people faced with the challenges and joys of a relationship can truly understand. And for more deep-belly laughs, check out The 50 Jokes You Can Text To Friends.
1
Spouse #1: "I love you."
Spouse #2: "Is that you or the wine talking?"
Spouse #1: "It's me. Talking to the wine."
And for more easy chuckles, learn The Best Way to Make Anyone Laugh.
2
My partner just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline…
She hit the roof!
And for more love-themed hilarity, check out the 30 Funniest Pieces of Celebrity Relationship Advice.
3
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist's office…
"Doctor," she cries. "I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!"
The hypnotherapist shakes his head. "Not again…"
4
I have a vegan boyfriend…
Don't get me wrong, I love him very much. But sometimes I think he just looks at me like a piece of carrot!
Next, don't miss the 50 Knock-Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up.
5
My partner asked to play doctor…
So I kept him waiting outside the bedroom for three hours!
And for more guffaws, check out the 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Funny.
6
If love is "grand," what is divorce?
A hundred grand, or more!
And if your kids are bummed about a split, cheer them up with the 50 Jokes from Children That Are Actually Hilarious.
7
I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year
Um… shouldn't that be an even number?!
8
How do you know you've been married for a long time?
When you ask, "Who was the actor in the movie about that thing we saw on a Wednesday?"—and they know exactly what you're talking about.
And for humor straight from the silver screen, don't miss the 30 Funniest Movie Quotes of All Time.
9
Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?
Yes, it is February 14th!
10
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn't seem amused…
It must have been the delivery!
11
Sorry I was late…
Had to find all the things that were in plain sight for my husband.
12
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high…
She seemed surprised!
13
What did one boat say to the other boat?
Are you interested in a little row-mance?
14
"Whoever named it 'necking'…"
"…Is a poor judge of anatomy!"
-Groucho Marx
15
Anyone who says their wedding was the happiest day of their life…
…Has obviously never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine!
16
"Why are you shirtless and covered in oil?" my wife asked.
"Well, you're always saying I never glisten," I explained.
"Listen!" she said. "You never listen!"
For more silly jokes, see these 50 Amazing Jokes From Comedy Legends.
17
My wife was furious at me for kicking dropped ice-cubes under the refrigerator.
But now it's just water under the fridge!
Zing! And for more silly punchlines, here are the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40.
18
"You know, we've been together for four years," she said. "I think it's about time we started talking about the future."
He paused for a moment and then said, "What, like flying cars and stuff?"
For a real talk about the future, check out the 20 Long-Predicted Technologies That Are Never, Ever Going to Happen.
19
My partner and I often laugh about how competitive we are.
But I laugh more!
And for more ridiculous humor, here's The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State.
20
A couple was married for 45 years and together they raised 11 children…
… When asked the secret to their relationship, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
Zing! And for more some (really sound) relationship advice, check out these 40 Relationship Tips That Are Actually Terrible.
21
They say that when you meet the right person, you know immediately.
So how come when you meet the wrong person it takes a year and a half?!
22
My partner and I bought a water bed recently.
Since then we've drifted apart!
If you're looking for some actual home upgrades, don't miss out on these 50 Genius Products Under $50 That Will Improve Your Life.
23
Why did the bee get married?
Cause he finally found his honey!
24
Husband: Do you want dinner?
Wife: Sure, what are my choices?
Husband: Yes and no!
And if you're still single, try out these 30 Great Icebreakers That Are Always Hilarious.
25
If you were dating an USPS postal worker and you broke up…
He would be your fed ex!
26
Knock, knock. Who's there? Olive. Olive, who?
Olive you so, so much!
27
An old friend asked if he could crash on my couch tonight…
… I told him I'm sorry, but I'm married now, and that's where I sleep!
28
You are just like my asthma.
You take my breath away!
29
Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?
He'll dessert you!
30
I haven't talked to my husband in 18 years
I didn't want to interrupt him!
And for the ultimate in cheesy jokes, here are the 50 Dad Jokes So Bad They're Actually Hilarious.
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