The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time

Starring Bill Murray, Bill Murray, and Bill Murray.

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time
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Herewith, we've collected the most uproarious, sidesplittingly funny movie quotes to grace the silver screen. And for more Hollywood hilarity, check out the 30 Funniest Movie Characters of All Time.

1
"It's just a flesh wound."

Monty Python Flesh Wound funny movie quotes

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

— The Black Knight (John Cleese) to King Arthur (Graham Chapman), after losing both arms in the heat of combat. For more laughs, check out the 30 Funniest Sitcoms Of All Time.

2
"That is my least vulnerable spot."

Casablanca funny movie quotes

Casablanca (1942)

— Captain Renault (Claude Rains) to Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) when Rick points a gun at the captain's heart. For more classic quips, check out these  37 Movies Every Man Over 40 Should Be Able to Quote.

3
"This building has to be at least…. three times bigger than this!"

Derek Zoolander funny movie quotes

Zoolander (2001)

— Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller), offering criticism to a miniature model of the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good and Wanna Do Other Stuff Good Too. And for more cinematic trivia, don't miss The 30 Worst Movie Endings of All Time.

4
"I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."

Airplane funny movie quotes

Airplane (1980)

— Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen) responding to "Surely, you can't be serious." And for more fun with language, check out the 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Funny. 

5
"Yeah, but I shoot with this hand."

Gene Wilder Blazing Saddles funny movie quotes

Blazing Saddles (1974)

— Jim (Gene Wilder), demonstrating his irrepressibly shaky hand to Sheriff Bart (Cleavon Little).

6
"I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight."

Emily Blunt The Devil Wears Prada funny movie quotes

The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

— Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt) dishing on her new "diet."

7
"I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late '90s."

Deadpool funny movie quotes

Deadpool (2016)

—Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds), being Deadpool. And for more (albeit tamer) quips from the Merc with a Mouth, read up on Ryan Reynolds' 30 Funniest Tweets.

8
"Martini. Gin, not vodka. Obviously. Stirred for 10 seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of vermouth."

Kingsman funny movie quotes

Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)

— Eggsy (Taron Egerton), schooling his bartender on the one-and-only way to make a martini.

9
"'Greater good?' I am your wife! I'm the greatest good you're ever gonna get!"

The Incredibles funny movie quotes

The Incredibles (2004)

— Honey (Kimberly Adair Clark) to Lucius Best (Samuel L. Jackson), also known as the superhero Frozone, who wants to bail on dinner and save the world from imminent destruction.

10
"I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life. [Someone catcalls her.] I object!"

Legally Blonde Elle Woods funny movie quotes

Legally Blonde (2001)

— Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon), in her video essay application to Harvard Law School.

11
"We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for…. One million dollars."

Dr. Evil funny movie quotes

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)

— Dr. Evil (Mike Myers), after recently waking from decades-long cryogenic freezing, completely missing the concept of inflation.

12
"He might be okay. [Beat. Huge explosion.] Well, no, probably not now."

Groundhog Day funny movie quotes

Groundhog Day (1993)

— Larry the cameraman (Chris Elliott) after Phill Connors (Bill Murray) drives off a cliff with Punxastawney Phil.

13
"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

The Godfather funny movie quotes

The Godfather (1972)

— Peter Clemenza (Richard Castellano), giving instructions to a mafia henchman. (For your trivia nights: This legendary line was improvised.)

14
"I'm in a glass case of emotion!"

Anchorman Will Ferrell funny movie quotes

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

— Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) lamenting the supposed death of his dog, Baxter.

15
"That rug really tied the room together, did it not?"

The Big Lebowski funny movie quotes

The Big Lebowski (1998)

— Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) lamenting with The Dude (Jeff Bridges) about the latter's recently befouled rug. The Big Lebowski (1998)

16
"I'll have what she's having."

When Harry Met Sally funny movie quotes

When Harry Met Sally (1989)

— Random patron to the waiter after witnessing Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) fake an orgasm in the middle of Katz's Delicatessen.

17
"This is my wife."

Borat funny movie quotes

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006)

— Borat (Sacha Baron Cohen) introducing, well, his wife (and unwittingly spawning an immensely popular Twitter meme).

18
"It's like I have ESPN or something."

Mean Girls Karen ESPN funny movie quotes

Mean Girls (2004)

— Karen Smith (Amanda Seyfried) telling Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan) about her fifth sense.

19
"Is that all he said?"

Lost in Translation funny movie quotes

Lost in Translation (2003)

— Bob Harris (Murray) expressing surprise after a lengthy directive in Japanese is translated into "He wants you to turn, look in camera."

20
"No, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!"

Dumb and dumber funny movie quotes

Dumb and Dumber (1994)

— Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels) responding to a police officer ordering him to pull over.

21
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room."

dr. Strangelove funny movie quotes

Dr. Strangelove (1964)

— President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers) breaking up a physical altercation.

22
"Excuse me. I believe you have my stapler."

office space film funny movie quotes

Office Space (1999)

— Milton Waddams (Stephen Roots) trying to get his beloved stapler back.

23
"It's the first time I've ever seen you look ugly. And that makes me kind of happy."

Bridesmaid ugly cry funny movie quotes

Bridesmaids (2011)

— Annie Walker (Kristen Wiig) justifying her tears of joy to Helen (Rose Byrne), her consistently impeccable rival.

24
"I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.

Van Wilder rocking chair funny movie quotes

National Lampoon's Van Wilder (2002)

— Van Wilder (Reynolds) dishing out some grade-A life advice.

25
"It's not a man purse. It's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one."

Hangover manbag funny movie quotes

The Hangover (2009)

— Alan Garner (Zach Galifianakis) defending his sartorial choices.

26
"Did Doogie Houser just steal my … car?"

Harold and Kumar funny movie quotes

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)

— Harold Lee (John Cho) reacting to Neil Patrick Harris (Neil Patrick Harris), well, stealing his car.

27
"Shotgun."

Identity Thief funny movie quotes

Identity Thief (2013)

— Diana Budgie (Melissa McCarthy) to Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman) after Patterson bends over backwards to convince her to get back in the car. They're the only two passengers.

28
"Don't point that gun at him. He's an unpaid intern."

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou funny movie quotes

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)

— Steve Zissou (Murray) defending his crew from pirates.

29
"Faulkner is cauc…asian. Well, they got that wrong, because you're obviously white."

Hunt for the Wilderpeople funny movie quotes

Hunt for the Wilderpeople (2016)

— Ricky Baker (Julian Dennison), on the run with his uncle (Sam Neill), reading a wanted poster.

30
"As if!"

clueless as if funny movie quotes

Clueless (1995)

— Cher Horowitz (Alicia Silverstone) tossing out her catchphrase. For more from history's most clueless decade, learn these 20 Slang Terms From the 1990s No One Uses Anymore.

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Ari Notis
Ari is a senior editor, specializing in news and culture. Read more
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