126 Christmas Jokes That'll Make You Fa-La-La-Laugh Out Loud
These funny Christmas jokes are sure to please your entire family.
The holiday season is upon us once again, which means a whole lot of time together as a family. If you're hoping to talk about something other than prices and politics this season, keep reading. We've put together an extensive list of Christmas jokes that you can bust out whenever necessary. Don't worry—we've kept things clean and even divided our gags up by category. Below, you'll find 126 funny jokes for when the family needs a laugh.
READ THIS NEXT: 40 Jolly Christmas Puns That Will Make You Fa-La-La-Laugh Out Loud.
Funny Christmas Jokes That Scream "Merry Christmas"
The holidays can get busy, but be sure to find time between hanging the Christmas lights and wrapping presents to share a few seasonal jokes.
Jokes About Santa Claus
- Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho, ho, ho!
- What do you call Santa when he doesn't move? Santa Pause!
- What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic!
- What does Santa eat for breakfast? Mistle-toast!
- What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish!
- Where does Santa go to vote? The North Poll!
- How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house!
- What goes "Oh, Oh, Oh"? Santa walking backwards!
- What's Santa Claus' favorite type of potato chip? Crisp Pringles.
- What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!
- How did Mrs. Claus tell Santa the weather? "It looks like rain, dear!"
- What do you call Santa when he runs out of money? Saint Nickel-less!
- What type of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!
- Who is Santa's favorite singer? Elf-is Presley.
- What's Santa's favorite type of music? Wrap.
- Why doesn't Santa go to the hospital? He has private elf care.
- What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia.
- Where do Santa's reindeer stop for coffee? Star-bucks!
- Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the toys are!
- What does Santa get at the donut shop? A jolly roll!
- Who delivers Christmas presents to sharks? Santa Jaws.
- Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? Because he wanted to see time fly!
- What is Santa's dog's name? Santa Paws!
- What do you get when Santa becomes a detective? Santa Clues!
- What does Santa use to measure? Santameters!
READ THIS NEXT: 65 Fun Christmas Facts to Get You in the Holiday Spirit.
Funny Christmas Jokes
- Where does mistletoe go to get famous? Hollywood!
- What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt? Snow!
- What do you call a greedy elf? Elfish!
- How does a sheep say Merry Christmas? "Fleece Navidad!"
- Why does everyone like snowmen? Because they're so cool!
- What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps!
- When does a reindeer have a trunk? When it goes on vacation!
- What kind of bug hates Christmas? A humbug!
- What's red, white, and blue at Christmas time? A sad candy cane!
- What happens if you eat Christmas decorations? You get tinselitus!
- What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes!
- What's a ghost's favorite Christmas story? The Fright Before Christmas!
- What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed? A cold!
- Where do reindeer go to buy new tails? The re-tail store!
- Why is it always cold on Christmas? Because it's Decembrrrr!
- What do you call a pig pen in winter? A pig-loo.
- What did one Christmas tree say to another? Lighten up!
- What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree? A pineapple!
- What do snowmen say to one another in the morning? "Have an ice day!"
- What's a snowman's favorite snack? Ice Krispy treats!
- Where do snowmen keep their money? In a snowbank!
- What are elves allergic to? Sh-elf-ish!
- What type of cars do elves drive? Toy-otas!
- How does Jack Frost get to work? By icicle!
- What's a parent's favorite Christmas carol? Silent Night!
- What do snowmen call their kids? Chill-dren!
READ THIS NEXT: 10 U.S. Cities with the Best Christmas Light Displays.
Clean Christmas Jokes for Adults
- Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time? Home Alone!
- How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas? It'll take ages to flatten the curve!
- Why do Donner and Blitzen get to take so many coffee breaks? Because they are Santa's star bucks!
- Why is it so difficult to buy Advent calendars? Their days are numbered!
- What happens to Christmas trees on Valentine's Day? They get all sappy!
- What type of dog do you get for the holidays? A pointsetter!
- Did you hear that production was down at Santa's workshop? Many of his workers have had to elf isolate!
- When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving? In the dictionary!
- How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out? They spruce up!
- What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel!
- What do Christmas trees and bad knitters have in common? They keep losing their needles!
- Who is the only one to not eat at Christmas dinner? The turkey, he's always stuffed!
- What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa's workshop? A rebel without a Claus!
- What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!
- Who is a Christmas tree's favorite singer? Spruce Springsteen!
- How does a snowman lose weight? He waits for the weather to get warmer!
- How do you help someone who's lost their Christmas spirit? Nurse them back to elf.
- Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them!
- What happened to the thief who stole an Advent calendar? He got 25 days!
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? The Abdominal Snowman!
- What's the absolute best Christmas present? A broken drum—you can't beat it!
- What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? "It's Christmas, Eve!"
- Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer!
- How did Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed!
READ THIS NEXT: 30 Amazing Christmas Tree Facts to Make the Holidays Extra Magical.
Christmas Jokes for Kids
- What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas? A list of everything you want!
- What do you call a mean reindeer? Rude-olph!
- What is a Christmas tree's favorite candy? Orna-mints!
- Why don't crabs celebrate Christmas? Because they're shell-fish.
- Why don't aliens celebrate Christmas? Because they don't want to give away their presence!
- What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
- What comes at the end of Christmas? The letter "S"!
- What do you call an elf that can sing and dance? Elfis.
- How does a gingerbread man make his bed? With a cookie sheet!
- What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you!
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
- What do you call an elf wearing earmuffs? Anything you want—he can't hear you!
- What does a bunny rabbit hang by the fireplace? Celery stalk-ings.
- Why does this turkey taste like an old sofa? I thought you liked stuffing!
- What is the most competitive season? Win-ter!
- How do you wash your hands over the holidays? With Santa-tizer.
- How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He checks is calen-deer!
- What did the grumpy sheep say to his friends when they wished him a Merry Christmas? Baaaaaa humbug!
- What do you call an old snowman? A puddle!
- If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does an elf get? Mistle toe!
- What's a snowman's favorite food? Chili!
- What do you call a scary-looking reindeer? A cari-boo.
- Why did the Christmas tree go to the dentist? It needed a root canal!
Christmas Knock-Knock Jokes
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Donut. Donut who? Donut open til Christmas!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Avery. Avery who? Avery Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Interrupting Santa. Inter–Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Santa. Santa who? Santa Christmas card to you, did you get it?
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Freeze. Freeze who? Freeze a jolly good fellow. Freeze a jolly good fellow!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive Christmastime, don't you?
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Elf. Elf who? Elf me to wrap this present!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and open your gift!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Ho Ho. Ho Ho who? Your Santa impression needs a little work!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Dexter. Dexter who? Dexter halls with boughs of holly!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Ima. Ima who? Ima dreaming of a white Christmas!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Pikachu. Pikachu who? Pikachu Christmas presents and you'll be in trouble!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Norway. Norway who? Norway am I kissing anyone under the mistletoe!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Honda. Honda who? Honda first day of Christmas my true love sent to me!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Coal. Coal who? Coal me if you hear Santa coming!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Luke. Luke who? Luke at all those presents!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Irish. Irish who? Irish you a Merry Christmas!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Tank. Tank who? Tank you for my Christmas present!
BONUS: Disney Christmas Jokes
- What is Tarzan's favorite Christmas Carol? Jungle Bells!
- What do Ariel and her under-the-sea friends sing at Christmas? Christmas corals!
- How cold is it at Disney World around the holidays? So cold that Donald Duck was wearing pants!
- Where can you buy Captain Hook his Christmas presents? The second-hand store!
- Why did Mickey Mouse get hit with a snowball? Because Donald ducked!
- What does Olaf eat for breakfast? Snowflakes!
- What did Ariel put on her toast Christmas morning? Merma-lade!
- What does Daisy Duck say when she buys Christmas presents? Put it on my bill!
- What did the 101 Dalmatians say after eating Christmas dinner? That hit the spot!