The 30 Funniest Jokes From "Friends"
They'll be there for you.
Your friends are always there for you when need emotional support, but more importantly, the show Friends is always there for you when you need something to laugh at. To honor one of our favorite comedies of all time, we've compiled a list of the best jokes from the iconic series. (Now you can look smart and funny around your own friends!) And for more of your favorite sitcom wit, check out The 30 Funniest Sitcom Jokes of All Time.
Monica dodges relationship cross-examination.
Monica: There's nothing to tell. He's just some guy I work with.
Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy. There's gotta be something wrong with him.
Chandler: So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk? It's just that I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl.
"The One Where Monica Gets A New Roommate" (Season 1, Episode 1)
True friendship is looking out for one another, especially when it comes to men who eat chalk. And for more great jokes, here are 30 Mark Twain One Liners That Are Still Relevant Today.
Rachel learns about taxes.
Rachel: Isn't this exciting! I earned this! I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally… [looks at the check] not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?
"The One with George Stephanopoulos" (Season 1, Episode 4)
Discovering that FICA will take most of your paycheck is a monumental moment in all of our lives. For more comedic bummers, look no further than the 30 Funniest Jokes From Parks and Recreation.
Chandler can't connect.
Chandler: I got her machine.
Joey: Her answering machine?
Chandler: No. Interestingly enough, her leaf-blower picked up.
"The One with the Evil Orthodontist" (Season 1, Episode 20)
Be the wise-cracking jokester you want to see in the world, and answer every question the way Chandler does. And heads-up: "Answering machine" is definitely one of the 40 Things Only Older People Say.
Joey and Chandler describe men.
Chandler: Men are here.
Joey: We make fire. Cook meat.
Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing. No get invited back.
The One Where Rachel Finds Out (Season 1, Episode 24)
Friends was commenting on toxic masculinity before it was even a thing. And for more prescient hilarity, check out the 30 Funniest Movie Characters of All Time.
Monica tries to cure boredom.
Monica: Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project. You wanna work out? I can remake you.
Chandler: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying-around time.
"The One Where Ross Finds Out" ( Season 2, Episode 7)
It's so important to keep your priorities straight. And if you feel like this joke cuts too close to home, here are the 40 Life Changes You Should Make After 40.
Monica serves Chandler and Joey some leftover chicken.
Monica: Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing.
Chandler: Well, how do you find clothes that fit?
"The One Where Old Yeller Dies" (Season 2, Episode 20)
Dads all around the world would be so proud of this joke. For more Chandler-approved dad jokes, check out the 75 Jokes That Are So Bad They're Actually Funny.
Joey discusses breakups.
Joey: It's never taken me a week to get over a relationship.
Monica: It's never taken you more than a shower to get over a relationship.
"The One Without the Ski Trip" (Season 3, Episode 17)
Wash, rinse, and repeat.
Chandler picks up a bad habit.
Joey: You're smoking again?
Chandler: Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again. Today, I'm smoking still.
"The One Without the Ski Trip" (Season 3, Episode 17)
I mean, when you put it that way… But seriously, people: For the last time, smoking is one of the 40 Worst Habits for People Over 40.
Joey learns about unrequited love.
Chandler: You're telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didn't want you back?
Joey: Yeah! [thinks a bit] Oh my god. Is this what it's like to be you?
"The One with the Dollhouse" (Season 3, Episode 20)
Oh, to be the Joey of the friend group…
Chandler coaches Joey.
Chandler: Look, I just think it's time for you to settle down, you know? Make a choice, pick a lane!
Joey: Who's Elaine?
"The One Where Chandler Crosses the Line" (Season 4, Episode 7)
We've never heard of her either.
Ross cements his geek status.
Ross: Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school?
Joey: No, I had sex in high school.
"The One Where They're Going to Party!" (Season 4, Episode 9)
There are two types of people in this world. And for more hilarity, check out the 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time.
Ross gets to the truth behind love.
Rachel: No, you're not an idiot, Ross. You're a guy very much in love.
Ross: Same difference.
"The One After Ross Says Rachel" (Season 5, Episode 1)
"Love makes you do crazy things" is just a nice way of saying, "Love makes you an idiot."
Joey and Ross build a pillow fort.
Joey: Come on, Chandler. Ross is our friend and he needs us right now. So why don't you be a grownup and come watch some TV in the fort?
"The One Where Ross Moves In" (Season 5, Episode 7)
Watching TV in a fort is the best way to celebrate being an adult, in our humble opinion.
Chandler remains committed to his fears of commitment.
Monica: Do you really think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry?
Chandler: Well, no, the best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry's about fourth, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married.
"The One with the Girl Who Hits Joey" (Season 5, Episode 15)
Usually we love Chandler for his sarcasm, but in this case we love him for his honesty. And for more great laughs, don't miss the 30 Funniest Movies of All Time.
Phoebe avoids plans like a pro.
Rachel: Hey, you guys wanna go see a movie?
Ross: Yeah, sure.
Rachel: How about you, Phoebe?
Phoebe: No, thanks, I've already seen one.
"The One After Vegas" (Season 6, Episode 1)
Phoebe didn't mean for it to be, but this is a genius comeback for when you want to get out of seeing whatever terrible movie your friends are trying to drag you to.
Joey gets a new roommate.
Monica: Joey, did you even interview this woman before you asked her to move in?
Joey: Of course I did.
Monica: What exactly did you ask her?
Joey: "When can you move in?"
"The One Where Phoebe Runs" (Season 6, Episode 7)
Someone is asking the important questions, and it's not Joey.
Joey: You're gonna cook something?
Rachel: Hey, I cook!
Chandler: Offering people gum is not cooking.
"The One Where Ross Got High" (Season 6, Episode 9)
This is devastating news.
Phoebe describes her new flame.
Phoebe: And he has one of these. [Phoebe imitates a butt chin]
Chandler: A face [butt]?
"The One with Joey's Fridge" (Season 6, Episode 19)
Why have we been calling it a butt chin all this time?
Joey buys a boat.
Joey: Look at this clown. Just 'cause he got a bigger boat, he thinks he can take up the whole river. Get out of the way, [jerk]! Who names their boat Coast Guard, anyway?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coast is way over there.
"The One with Phoebe's Cookies" (Season 7, Episode 3)
The man has a point. It's just not a good one.
Monica and Chandler fight about their families.
Monica: Why is your family Scottish?
Chandler: Why is your family Ross?
"The One with Joey's New Brain" (Season 7, Episode 15)
This is perhaps the greatest comeback of all time.
Ross laments his singleness.
Monica: Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex until the wedding.
Ross: A no-sex pact, huh? I seem to have one of those going with every woman in America.
"The One with Ross and Monica's Cousin" (Season 7, Episode 19)
We've all been there. Some of us are just smart enough not to admit it.
Rachel goes on a date. While pregnant.
Rachel: Hey, what do you think is a better excuse for why I'm not drinking on this date tonight: I'm a recovering alcoholic, I'm a Mormon, or I got so hammered last night I'm still a little drunk?
"The One with Rachel's Date" (Season 8, Episode 5)
Always go with the latter. It shows character.
The gang brainstorms names for Phoebe's baby.
Phoebe: OK, for a girl: Phoebe; and for a boy: Phoebo.
"The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath" (Season 8, Episode 13)
It's always good to consider both options.
Monica questions Chandler's purchasing habits.
Monica: Honey, the Miami Vice Soundtrack, really?
Chandler: They were just giving those away at the store… in exchange for money.
"The One with The Tea Leaves" (Season 8, Episode 17)
We've had the same problem with video games.
Chandler shows off his copywriting skills.
Chandler: How hard can it be, right? "Cheese. It's milk that you chew." "Crackers. Because your cheese needs a buddy." "A grape. Because who can get a water melon in your mouth?"
"The One Where Rachel Goes Back to Work" Season 9, Episode 11)
Some people are just naturally gifted. Chandler is not one of them.
Phoebe and Joey try to avoid Ross and Rachel.
Phoebe: They're coming this way. Run!
"The One with the Blind Dates" (Season 9, Episode 14)
It's crucial to have a sensible escape plan.
Chandler and Monica eavesdrop.
Chandler: She's turning on the TV, it's Miss Congeniality!
Monica: Babe, if you know it through a wall, you know it too well.
"The One After Joey and Rachel Kiss" (Season 10, Episode 1)
Is knowing something too well really a bad thing though? Just playing devil's advocate here.
Chandler and Joey have a heart-to-heart.
Chandler: Wow, so tonight might be the night. You nervous?
Joey: Nah. This is the part I'm actually good at.
Chandler: What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?
Joey: It's okay!
"The One with Ross' Tan" (Season 10, Episode 3)
We'll take Joey's word for it.
Ross looks back on his (many) divorces.
Mike: I heard that weddings are, like, a 40 billion dollar a year industry.
Ross: Yeah, and I'm responsible for just, like, half of that.
"The One With the Home Study: (Season 10, Episode 7)
We all have our calling in life. Ross has getting married. And divorced. And then married. And so on and so forth.
They were on a break!
Ross: We were on a break!
If Friends taught us anything, it's that this excuse does not work. For more on men like Ross, learn the 10 Reasons Why Men Cheat.
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