I'm a Psychologist and These Are 5 Telling Signs Someone Will Never Commit
Looking out for these red flags may save you from wasting precious time where there's no future.
Not every person is ready and willing to commit to someone else—whether that means simply being monogamous or getting engaged. The good news? There are some tell-tale signs that suggest someone will never commit to you.
Aura De Los Santos, a clinical psychologist at E-Health Project, has more than nine years of experience helping clients with their dating woes and working with couples on commitment issues. She says it's crucial to look out for these clues so you can figure out whether the relationship you're investing so much time and energy into has a future or not.
"You may be getting your hopes up about taking the next step in your relationship with that person when that person doesn't really want that," she explains. "These signs allow you to think about your plans rather than wasting your time."
Below, De Los Santos reveals the top five signs that the person you're dating is unlikely to ever commit.
RELATED: I'm a Psychologist and These Are the 5 Telling Signs Someone Is a Narcissist.
1
They change the subject when you try to move the relationship forward.
Notice how your partner behaves when you bring up the subject of commitment—for example, talking about your dream wedding or asking whether they want to move in together eventually.
If they tend to always change the subject whenever you talk about taking the next step in your relationship, De Los Santos says that's a big red flag that they're uncomfortable with the idea of commitment.
It's also worth taking note of what they say when the general subject of commitment comes up. For example, if they say something sarcastic or pessimistic when your mutual friends get engaged, that's a pretty solid sign that they aren't interested in marriage.
2
They won't introduce you to loved ones.
When you start to envision a future with someone, it's only natural to want them to meet your friends and family. After all, if your partner is going to play a big part in the rest of your life, you probably want to make sure they get along with your loved ones.
So, if you've been dating your current boyfriend or girlfriend for a while and they don't seem remotely interested in introducing you to their inner circle—or worse, they actively avoid allowing you to meet—De Los Santos says that's another clue that they may be dodging a commitment.
Of course, it's important to keep in mind that there's no "right" timeline for meeting your partner's friends and family—some people might feel ready after a few weeks of dating, while others might want to wait a few months.
If you're not sure where your partner stands, try casually asking when they might want to introduce you. If they react with panic or try to steer the conversation to a different topic, that's a red flag.
RELATED: 5 Questions Your Partner Asks That Mean They Want to Break Up, Therapists Say.
3
They withdraw when you get closer.
Maybe your partner disappears for a couple of days after you just had a deep, intimate conversation with them. Or, maybe they start acting cold and distant after meeting your siblings for the first time. Now you're wondering: What gives?
According to De Los Santos, acting this way when you start to get closer is a sign that they fear commitment with you.
"You may feel that they are pulling away from you," she explains. Someone who's excited to commit to you will lean into this kind of intimacy, not run away from it.
4
They're not including you in future plans.
Pay attention when your partner talks about the future—whether it's trips they want to take this year, weddings they got invited to, or other events they're excited to attend.
If they never mention you during these conversations, De Los Santos says that means they're either consciously or subconsciously not including you in their plans. This is a glaring sign that they might not see your relationship ever advancing.
RELATED: 8 Red Flags That Spell Cheating, Therapists Warn.
5
They prioritize other things and people.
How your partner spends their time can tell you a lot about their priorities. Are they making it a point to carve out opportunities to see you despite their busy schedule? Or do they only call or text last minute on Saturday night when they don't happen to have other plans?
"Spending time as a couple is fundamental to strengthen the bond," De Los Santos tells Best Life. So, if your partner seems to have plenty of time for friends or other activities—but makes excuses when it comes to spending more time with you—that's a sign that they're avoiding bonding with you.
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