I'm a Dating Coach and These Are the 3 Questions You Must Ask on a First Date
These topics help you get to know someone on a deeper level.
Where did you grow up? What do you do for work? What are your hobbies? These are all the basic questions that usually get covered on a date, but they don't necessarily help you get to know the person on a deeper level. According to dating coach Sabrina Zohar, there are three specific questions you should ask on a first date to "gauge someone's emotional availability and depth." Read on to hear her advice, so you'll be able to determine if you want to go for date number two.
How did your last relationship end?
Zohar, who shares her dating advice on TikTok, says the first important question to ask is how their last relationship ended and what it taught them about themselves.
She clarifies that this question isn't about the person's ex, but rather figuring out the aspects that led to the end of the relationship. Other things to think about are whether they have taken ownership or accountability for their actions or if they blame their ex for everything that went wrong.
What are your intentions with dating?
The second question could be posed in two ways: What are your intentions with dating? Or, how do you see a partner fitting into your life?
"In some capacity, in some way, it's important to ask somebody what it is that they're actually looking for or what it is that they have the bandwidth for," says Zohar. It's key to establish this upfront, so you can see if their behaviors and their words align for the long term.
"Somebody could say they want a relationship—they could genuinely want one—that doesn't mean they want one with you or they want one with you in the way you want one," she explains.
What's something you're working on that you're super passionate about?
"The reason I love this question is because it can give you insight if this person even has the bandwidth, the time, or the energy to be in a relationship," says Zohar.
She gives the example of a date she went on when the person was working on a feature film and would be traveling for months. By asking the question, they were able to mutually agree that the timing wasn't right.
"Sometimes people really do have the best of intentions when they go out there and date, but then after they meet you and reality sets in, things happen," she explains. "So it's important to start keeping dialogue open."
There are other things to be aware of.
In addition to how a date responds to questions, there are also a few things they might say that could potentially be red flags, shares Zohar in another video.
The first is: "I'm not looking for anything serious." According to Zohar, this isn't "an invitation to prove yourself to them." They're blatantly telling you they don't want a relationship, and the odds are good that you'll get hurt.
Another thing to look out for is if they say, "You're just too good for me." Zohar notes that everyone desires the best version of a partner, but this attitude is like "identifying a prize," and either they'll want to hang onto you for dear life, or they'll decide you're no longer a "prize" and walk away.
And thirdly, when someone claims that all their exes are "crazy" without taking any accountability, you should be wary. Most of the time, their exes were "crazy" because of something their partner caused, explains Zohar.
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