Dating Coach Reveals the Signs Someone Will Be a Huge Waste of Your Time
Be on the lookout for these red flags that someone is emotionally unavailable.
When dating, certain red flags are obvious. Maybe someone is super secretive about their whereabouts, or perhaps they refuse to commit. But there are more subtle reasons that someone will be a huge waste of your time, and they can be difficult to spot. Luckily, dating coach Sabrina Zohar shares the top three signs that you're dealing with someone who's emotionally unavailable. "You can misconstrue this as chemistry; it's not," she explains. Keep reading to hear her dating advice.
Dating presents a very harsh reality.
Known for her TikTok channel and a podcast titled Do the Work, where she gives dating advice, Zohar quickly points out in one of her videos that you can't avoid getting hurt. Some examples she gives are constantly looking for everything that could go wrong, self-sabotaging, and ending a relationship before the other person can.
"These protective mechanisms or trying to keep yourself safe is actually hurting you a lot more than it's helping you," she shares.
She goes on to add that everyone has been hurt or heartbroken; it's part of dating. That being said, there are certain things to look for to avoid connecting with someone who's emotionally unavailable—and they have to do with your own behavior and how you're responding to this person.
You feel the need to constantly be in touch.
In another TikTok video, Zohar says the first sign that someone is emotionally unavailable is if you are constantly thinking about them and feel the need to always be in touch.
"That's because they're breadcrumbing you and not actually fulfilling your needs," she notes.
You don't know what's going to happen next, you don't know what the next step is going to be, and you don't really know what they're thinking, Zohar explains.
You get the butterflies.
While butterflies may seem lovey-dovey, they're actually a sign of emotional unavailability and are ultimately an alert being sent to your nervous system. They'll show up even if you just get a text from the other person.
"It's because they're super inconsistent," says Zohar. "You never know when you're going to hear from them so when you do, you get that dopamine hit and it feeds you enough to keep going."
She explains that this tendency to seek out emotionally unavailable partners could be due to having an inconsistent caregiver when you were younger: "So, in your adult relationships, you are reliving that manifestation to hope that you can be chosen or picked by this person and it rewrites that narrative."
Instead of helping you, though, it reaffirms those core beliefs that you're not good enough or worthy.
You feel a "high" around them.
Lastly, Zohar notes that when you're with an emotionally unavailable person it's like "the highest of highs." This is because they're so busy that when they prioritize you or make you part of their life you feel chosen, she explains. Since they're already unclear about what they want, any smidge of attention draws you into their orbit.
This may feel nice at first, but it's best not to fall for the trap. "All this shows is that you have your own emotional unavailability if you continue to allow this without stepping up and setting boundaries," shares Zohar.
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