60 Funny Blonde Jokes You Should Probably Never Say Out Loud

To all the blondes out there, we get it. Being blonde comes with tolerating a lot, from expensive toning shampoos to the constant pressure to live up to the saying that blondes have more fun. But perhaps the most annoying part of being a blonde is enduring the never-ending stream of dumb blonde jokes. And for that, we have a solution: Come up with a few quips of your own—or use one of ours. Read on for some of the funniest blonde jokes of all time.

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Dumb Blonde Jokes You Don't Want to Miss

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1. How do you keep a blonde busy? Write "please flip over" on both sides of a piece of paper and give it to her.
2. Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice bottle for two hours? Because it said "concentrate."
3. How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 100: One to hold the lightbulb and 99 to move the house counter-clockwise.
4. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? She kept throwing out all the W's.
5. What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.
6. Why do blondes wear so much hair spray? So they can catch all the things that go over their head.
7. Why do blondes like lightning? They think someone is taking their picture.
8. A blonde calls an airline and asks, "How long are your flights from America to the UK?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute…" The blonde says, "Thanks!," and hangs up the phone.
9. Why couldn't the blonde write the number 11? She couldn't figure out which number came first.
10. A blind man walks into a bar. He sits down and says, "Who wants to hear some blonde jokes?" The waitress says, "I'm blonde! And my coworker is blonde, too. Also, the lady sitting next to you is blonde as well. Are you sure you want to tell them?" The blind guy says "No, I guess not. I don't want to have to explain it three times."
11. Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender? Because she wanted to make apple juice.
12. What did the blonde woman say when she saw a box of Cheerios? "Wow! Doughnut seeds!"
13. Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
14. Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator? She couldn't find the 10 key.
15. What do you call it when Margot Robbie tries to teach Madonna to cook? The blonde leading the blonde.
16. Why did the blonde lady climb the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.
17. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman? You have to hollow out the head.

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Short Blonde Jokes

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18. How does a blonde brain cell die? Alone.
19. What do you call an intelligent blonde? A golden retriever.
20. Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it.
21. What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech? A blonde at a flashing red light.
22. How can you make a blonde go to the roof? Tell her that drinks are on the house.
23. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? You tell her a joke on Wednesday
24. What do blondes do when their laptop freezes? Microwave them.
25. What's it called when a blonde dyes her hair brown? Artificial intelligence.
26. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A space invader.
27. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
28. Why didn't 19 blondes go into a bar? The sign said 21+.
29. How do you keep a blonde at home? You build a circular driveway.
30. What did the blonde name her pet zebra? Spot.
31. Why are blonde jokes so short? So they can remember them.
32. How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ears.

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Blonde Jokes for Adults

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33. What is the best blonde secretary? One that never misses a period.
34. What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar.
35. What's the difference between a blonde and a solar-powered calculator? The blonde works in the dark.
36. How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day? You give them a shampoo that says "rinse, wash, and repeat."
37. I asked my blonde friend why she kept empty beer bottles in the refrigerator. She said, "They're for my friends who don't drink."
38. What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
39. Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets? So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills.
40. How can you tell which blonde is the waitress? She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
41. Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? More leg room.
42. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "I wonder if it's mine."
43. Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? Because they can't even keep two calves together.
44. What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress when reading her name tag? "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

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Funny One-Liners About Blondes

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45. Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said "Disneyland Left." So they started crying and went home.
46. Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench… One blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?" The other blonde says, "Well, you can't see Florida…"
47. Why did the blonde think she was a genius after completing her jigsaw puzzle? The box said "for two to five years" and it only took her one.
48. A blonde walks into a hospital and claims that everywhere she touches hurts… The doctor says, "Ma'am, you have a broken finger."
49. Three blondes walk into a building… You'd think at least one of them would've seen it.
50. Brunette: "Have you met my identical twin sister yet?" Blonde: "No, what does she look like?"
51. Did you hear about the blonde couple who were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater? They apparently went to see Closed for the Winter.
52. Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage and eight blondes were stuck on the escalators for more than four hours.
53. A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
54. A blonde crashed a helicopter. When the police officer asked why, she said, "It got chilly in here, so I turned off the fan."
55. Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?" Brunette: "I don't know." Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"
56. A blonde asked her coworker, "Do you have any kids?" "Yes," she replied. "I have one child that's just under two." The blonde said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."
57. Two blondes were driving and one thought her blinker might be broken. She asked her friend to check. The friend stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…"
58. The blonde's computer password had to be eight characters long and include at least one capital. So she made it "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyAlbany."
59. A blonde was driving along the highway and approached a service station with a sign that read "clean restrooms." So she did.
60. Did you hear about the blonde who bought an AM radio? It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.

Wrapping Up

That's it for our list of dumb blonde jokes, but be sure to check back in again soon for even more laughs!