There are two possible things that could happen when you tell a joke at the workplace. One, everybody laughs and tells you you're hilarious. That's the best case scenario. The worst case is your joke offends a coworker, they report it to HR, and you get fired. That might be a long shot, but humor at the office is always a risky proposition. What might seem harmless to you could rub a colleague the wrong way.
As Toby Young, bestselling author of How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, once warned, cracking jokes around coworkers or even your boss "is a risk that simply isn't worth taking. In almost every case, you're flouting authority. And that is often punishable by dismissal." Play it safe with these 30 work appropriate jokes designed for an office environment. And for more PG-rated laughs that aren't funny office jokes, don't miss the 75 Jokes So Bad They're Actually Funny.
1 | Kid dreams
ShutterstockMy daughter told me she wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don't think she'd be a good secret agent.
2 | To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you!
ShutterstockYou have my Word!
3 | Blind Bus Driver
ShutterstockI gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus. And that's how I lost my job as a bus driver.
And for more silly jokes, don't miss the 40 Dumb Wordplay Jokes That Will Crack You Up.
4 | What's red and smells like blue paint?
ShutterstockRed paint.
5 | To err is human
ShutterstockTo blame it on someone else shows management potential.
6 | Mo Money, Mo Problems
ShutterstockAll I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
And for more cheap chuckles that aren't work jokes, check out the 50 Knock Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up.
7 | Emergency contact
ShutterstockWhen an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor."
8 | Speaking in tongues
ShutterstockI've never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects.
9 | TGIF
ShutterstockNothing ruins a Friday more than suddenly realizing it's actually Tuesday.
10 | Child Picasso's
ShutterstockI live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.
11 | Statistically speaking
ShutterstockForty-two percent of statistics are made up.
12 | Life savings
ShutterstockI have all the money I'll ever need—if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
13 | Two definitions of stealing
ShutterstockTo steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
14 | Hard time
ShutterstockPolice have arrested the world tongue-twister champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.
15 | Cats and dogs
ShutterstockA dog has an owner. A cat has a staff.
16 | Drink more coffee
ShutterstockWhy do I drink so much coffee? It helps me do stupid things faster and with more energy.
17 | You know what they say about a clean desk...
ShutterstockIt's a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
18 | Pick a lane
ShutterstockIf everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
19 | Helium boss
ShutterstockI quit my job at the helium gas factory. I refused to be talked to in that tone of voice!
20 | The breakup
ShutterstockMy girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."
"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
21 | Taking the boss literally
ShutterstockThe boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
22 | How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
ShutterstockNone. It's a hardware problem.
23 | Couch warrior
ShutterstockI'm here for whatever you need me to do from the couch.
24 | Playing the numbers
ShutterstockWhat does a mathematician say when something goes wrong? Figures!
25 | Zoo girlfriend
ShutterstockMy new girlfriend works at the zoo. I think she's a keeper.
26 | Working for the weekend
ShutterstockThe first five days after the weekend are the hardest.
27 | My pickup truck done left me
ShutterstockThanks to self-driving cars, it's only a matter of time before there's a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too.
28 | No coughing
ShutterstockThe inventor of the throat lozenge has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral.
29 | Three wishes
ShutterstockA genie asked, "What's your first wish?"
Steve answered, "I wish I was rich."
The genie nodded and then said, "What's your second wish, Rich?"
30 | Middle age
ShutterstockMiddle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.
And for more laughs about aging, check out the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40.
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