Picture this: You survived nine months of pregnancy. You gave birth. And now, you're ready to make your baby's name official. The options are endless. This is an area where you can allow your creativity to run wild. But maybe, you shouldn't. Because what might sound good in your head may not look so good on paper. So, in service to the children of tomorrow, we've collected a list of funny names for you to mull over. Consider the sequence, and consider the meaning. If these examples aren't enough to scare you into more sensible options, we don't know what will. All we can say is that you don't want your kid to end up like the folks below.
RELATED: 240+ Cool Last Names From Around the World.
Funny Names That Really Exist
Yurko Gud/Shutterstock
- Adolph Gasser: A photographer who should probably look into printing a few new business cards.
- Argel Fuchs: This retired Brazilian footballer couldn't care less about what you think of his name.
- Bill Buttram: We get it, you can't choose your own name, but sometimes you've got to find a workaround.
- Chris P. Bacon: Impossible to think the parents didn't know what they were doing.
- Dick Head: Maybe it's time to start going by Richard.
- Dick Long: Believe it or not, this was actually the guy's stage name. He starred in not one but three ABC television series.
- Dick Pound: He may be the former President of the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA), but that won't stop us from having a little light-hearted fun with his name.
- Hitler Mussolini: Name blending can lead to great things, but using these two guys as your inspiration? Epic fail.
- Jesus Condom: Maybe he's a church-going fellow.
- Jock Stirrup: Former senior Royal Air Force commander.
- Jolly Mangina: This realtor operating out of Ramsey County might want to consider a business alias.
- Ken Hurt: This orthodontist really should rethink the way he's marketing himself.
- Lord Brain: Not the worst name for a British neurologist, but still. Poor guy.
- Mike Litoris: It's a funny name, it's a punny name, but at the end of the day, it's also kind of a stupid name.
- Mister Rambo Campos Diaz: Mr. Mister, perhaps?
- Paul Twocock: I think I saw something about this on Twitter….
- Rick Titball: A microbiologist who must've had a hard time in grade school.
- Saad Man: Let's hope this one didn't dictate too much of his life.
- Sam Sung: I bet he's more of an Apple guy.
- Ader Titsoff: Get it?
- Amanda Poker: Smooth, not subtle.
- Anita Dick: A little too much information, to be honest.
- Ben Derhover: Ah, to be 13 again.
- Berry McCaulkiner: Now that's just crass.
- Bruce D. Cocque: Honestly, impressive.
- Connie Lingus: Whoever put this together at least gets points for their vocabulary.
- Dang Lin-Wang: Unfortunate, at best.
- E. Norma Scock: Is this supposed to be a girl's name?
- Lou Briccant: Is that French?
- Mary Juana: We've heard this one before.
- Oliver Closeoff: Well done.
- Pat Myaz: It's all about the pronunciation.
- Rhoda Hotte: You did what, now?
- Rueben G. Spaut: Anatomy should never be overlooked.
- Seymour Buttz: An oldie, but a goodie.
- Vye Brator: Believe it or not, this one is actually short for Violet.
- Willie B. Hardigan: This guy is a real night owl.
- Wilma Fingerdoo: "Just call me Wilma, thanks."
- Yuri Nator: I wonder what his favorite color is.
- Airwrecka: Pronounced "Erica," but spelled tragically.
- Alivijah: Let's just go with Olivia and call it a day, shall we?
- Appaloosa: Big fans of Ed Harris, maybe?
- Beberly: Please, let this be a typo…
- Chardonnay: Please don't name your kid after your favorite way to get a buzz.
- Desdemona: It is pretty, but this Greek name signifies something rather unfortunate. The actual name means "of the devil," "ill-fated," and "mystery."
- Elizabreth: One slip of the tongue, and this one quickly turns into "lizard breath."
- Hellzel: Name blending gone wrong? Or the worst alternative to Hazel ever?
- Karen: It's just over for this one.
- L'Oreal: Enough with the brand loyalty.
- Maybelline: Again with the brands? That's just unfortunate.
- Merica: Just no…
- Opal: While this one does have a nice ring to it, a lot of people associate it with one of the main characters from Because of Winn-Dixie, which, while a great read, is kind of sad.
- Panthy: A little too close to "panty," if you ask us.
- Phelony: Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?
- Princess: Maybe limit this one to a nickname, only.
- Sassi: Naming someone after an attitude doesn't seem like the best idea.
- Sidero: This baby name sounds nice, but translates to "evil nymph."
- Vejonica: Like Veronica, but worse.
- Abaddon: Parents—let it be said here first, don't burden your perfect baby with a name that means "Angel of Death."
- Arson: You mean Aaron? Maybe Carson? Surely not… arson?
- Bart: The Simpsons got there first.
- Buster: Please, save it for the dogs.
- Carrion: Also what we call spoiled meat.
- Champ: This one has to go down in history as one of the most unfortunate names ever.
- Danger: Yeah, it's been done. And no, it didn't go over well.
- Diesel: Sure it's a name, but it's also a fuel and it smells really bad.
- Doyle: It may not look bad on paper, but meaning leaves a little something to be desired. The name actually means "dark stranger."
- Ebolah: Yeah, it's a real name.
- Edwood: We won't designate this one as the funniest name ever, but it certainly ranks in the top ten.
- Elmo: C'mom. Don't keep your kid on Sesame Street forever.
- Jedi: Please, don't drag your kids into your obsession.
- Sadman: The perfect baby name does exist. This one just doesn't happen to be it.
- Satan: You're really doing too much.
- Spartacus: It's a strong name, but can you imagine what's going to happen to them during attendance?
- Chris Cross: "We are from west Texas. I've only known one other person with the same name."
- Clindamycin: "Yes, spelled exactly the same way as the antibiotic. When questioned, the mom said, "Just thought it was pretty.'"
- Dick Butts: "I thought it was a joke, but one of the employees asked to see his driver's license and it was truly his name."
- Greg Greg. "Once at work, I met a guy whose first name was Greg which is not all that bad. The only thing is, his last name was also Greg."
- Harley Quinn: "Not first name and middle name. Not 'Harleen Quinzel.' She calls her Harley Quinn… Her first name is Harley Quinn. Poor kid."
- Johnson Smalls: "I have a friend named Johnson. That's no big deal, but his last name is Smalls."
- KinZlee: "Don't forget that the Z is capitalized or you will get told off for spelling her name wrong."
- Lotus: "[It] is a pretty flower, but an ugly word."
- Melanomia: "My ex-boyfriend named his daughter Melanomia. Yup. Dodged a bullet."
- Olive Garden: "Well, I have liked the name 'Garden' for a daughter, but my wife was really set on 'Olive' so we compromised and are naming her Olive Garden Smith."
- Richard Rash: "To make it worse his mother was a teacher there. Poor Dick couldn't catch a break."
- Sex Fruit: "Probably the worst I have seen."
- Strawberry Rain: "Would be a great name if she had given birth to a bottle of shampoo."
- Syphilis: "Pronounced Si-Phillis. Her parents said the same thing: 'It sounded pretty.'"
- Tequila: "I never knew so many people were named after alcoholic beverages."
Dirty Funny Names for Fictional Characters
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A/Shutterstock
RELATED: 85 Adorable Grandma Names for Your Family Matriarch.
Unique Funny Names for a Baby Girl
Africa Studio/Shutterstock
Funny Names for Your Baby Boy
SpeedKingz/Shutterstock
RELATED: 300 Girl Names for Fierce & Independent Women.
Wickedly Funny Baby Names, According to Reddit
Pixel-Shot/Shutterstock
FAQ
Are any names forbidden or banned in the United States?
In short, yes. While there are very few federal laws that ban specific names, certain states have outlawed certain names for being derogatory, obscene, or offensive. Other states, like California, have banned names containing foreign characters, numbers, or other special characters. A few examples of illegal baby names in the United States include:
- King
- Queen
- Jesus Christ
- III
- Santa Claus
- Majesty
- Messiah
- @
- 1069
What is the least-liked name in America?
According to 2022 information collected by parenting website BabyBella and Google Trends, the least popular baby names include Angela, Kimberley, Alexa, and Nicole for girls and Graham, Stuart, Chad, Gary, and Bill for boys.
Is the name Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 real?
Yes. In 1991, Elisabeth Hallin and Lasse Diding intended to name their newborn Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 to protest a fine imposed in accordance with the naming law in Sweden. The submission was rejected.
