We love Kate Beckinsale. From her big-screen debut over two decades ago in Much Ado About Nothing to this year’s Underworld 169,230—from tentpoles like Pearl Harbor to more serious fare like The Face of an Angel—we’ve constantly had a crush on her. We love her as a heroine. We love her as a villain. We love her when she tells Republicans to get in her vagina.
So, naturally, we follow her Instagram, her refreshingly unfiltered and often steamy view into her daily life. But amid the photographs of her, her stylish photo shoots, her party appearances, and her dog, one thing caught our eye: her captions. They’re weird. Like, really weird. Like, what-on-earth-is-she-talking-about weird. “I’ve thought about it and it’s not ok to nearly kill someone by blowing a miniature trumpet at them through a crack in the door,” she wrote yesterday, as she lay on her back and gazed into the distance. We’re not sure exactly what she’s referring to, but, in an industry where so many social media accounts are carefully curated by experts, we give her plenty of points for honesty and originality.
So we’ve taken this opportunity to compile some of her finest (and often befuddling) posts that lay bare both her sublime beauty and her wonderfully poetic oddity. And for more great Instagram recommendations, don’t miss our roundup of the 50 Instagram Accounts that Every Dad Needs to Follow.
What she wrote: “Kiss me or make me a sculpted jelly but either way do it quick @sarah.kavanaugh 🎂❤️🎉.”
What she wrote: “You can think you’ve had a reasonably good day until you get undressed at night and two small pieces of chicken fall out of your polo neck.”
What she wrote: “I love getting gifts for people. The shopping part however makes me come home, get stuck staring at a wall and only being able to emit very occasional bleats.”
What she wrote: “They just like to be by your heart ❤️ even if your sports bra may have belonged to a pregnant woman in the 1800s.”
What she wrote: “Today we are testing a woke moustache.”
What she wrote: “My friend Stephen touched someone’s Oscar in the men’s loo.”
What she wrote: “I’ve thought about it and it’s not ok to nearly kill someone by blowing a miniature trumpet at them through a crack in the door.”
What she wrote: “Laughing in bathrooms with friends. Ohhhhhh @italogregorio”
Now, there’s one that makes perfect sense.
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