What Is a Situationship? Your Guide to Modern Dating
Find out what qualifies as a situationship and whether or not you're in one.
What is a situationship, you may ask. The phrase was invented to refer to undefined romantic or sexual relationships without clear labels or commitments. And the modern dating world is packed with those. A 2024 study found that half of Americans aged 18-34 have been involved in a situationship at some point or another. But while the terminology is new, the mechanics of no-strings dating have been around for a while. Another survey found that a whopping 45 percent of Baby Boomers have also been in similar circumstances. So, if you're curious about what the experts have to say about this specific style of dating, read on. They're walking us through how to identify a situationship and how to know if one can work for you.
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Key Takeaways
- A situationship is an undefined romantic or sexual relationship without clear labels, blending elements of friendship, romance, and casual relationships.
- Situationships are characterized by a lack of commitment, undefined boundaries, and a focus on short-term plans, leading to potential emotional confusion and instability.
- Successful navigation of a situationship requires setting boundaries, clear communication about expectations, and regular self-evaluation to ensure it meets emotional and relational needs.
What Is a Situationship?
To reiterate, a situationship is a romantic or sexual relationship that exists without clear labels or defined boundaries. As you may have already pieced together, the term is a blend of the words "situation" and "relationship," which speaks to the inherent ambiguity of this kind of connection. Unlike more traditional romantic relationships or even casual flings, situationships blur the lines, often leaving those involved more or less unsure about how things will evolve in the future.
And that's not necessarily a bad thing, at least for certain individuals involved. Ideally, in situationships, you find yourself experiencing the thrill of a budding romance, the comfort of a close friendship, and the convenience of a casual relationship—all rolled into one. Of course, there is also the risk of things souring soon after it begins, especially if one partner wants to evolve the relationship status in ways the other isn't quite comfortable with.
Origin and Popularity of Situationships
The term was first coined by Carina Hsieh in 2017, right as the number of users on dating apps started to skyrocket. Hsieh described situationships as "a hookup with emotional benefits." Her definition provides an important distinction from the more familiar phrase "friends with benefits," which refers to a relationship that typically begins platonically but later evolves into something sexual. It's also different enough from the traditional (and somewhat crass) "booty call," which typically doesn't involve much emotional connection. Mainstream publications also played a significant role in spreading the term.
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Key Characteristics of a Situationship
Lack of Commitment
One of the defining features of a situationship is the low level of commitment involved. Partners in a situationship can enjoy the benefits of a relationship while maintaining the freedom of being single. This means they can have fun and be intimate without the pressure of discussing a future together or making long-term plans.
Undefined Boundaries
"A situationship is an ambiguous relationship that exists without clear boundaries or an official status," says Morgan Anderson, PsyD, licensed clinical psychologist and host of the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast. "This lack of definition can make these relationships particularly complex and emotionally challenging."
Individuals in situationships might find themselves constantly questioning where they stand with their partner, which can be draining. To manage the dynamic effectively, it's crucial to have open and honest communication about boundaries and expectations for the future.
According to Anderson, it's imperative for anyone involved in an undefined relationship to remain vigilant about their emotional needs to avoid unnecessary heartache.
Short-Term Plans
If you're currently involved in a situationship, you may notice that plans don't always unfold as they would in the context of a more serious relationship. They are often made spontaneously, with more focus on immediate convenience than any kind of long-term commitment.
This focus on short-term gratification means that there is often little to no planning for the future, which can be both liberating and limiting for those involved.
"In these relationships, ambiguity reigns supreme, often leaving both parties uncertain about the nature of their connection and where it might lead," says Sanam Hafeez, Ph.D, a neuropsychologist based in New York City and director of Comprehend the Mind.
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Common Signs You're in a Situationship
Inconsistent Communication
Inconsistent communication is a classic sign of a situationship. This can manifest as:
- Irregular communication via phone calls or text messages
- Inconsistent plans to hang out in-person
- Long stretches of limited or even no communication
When communication is sporadic, it can lead to:
- Confusion and stress
- Difficulty in establishing trust and a sense of security in the relationship
- Challenges for those who value stability and predictability in their romantic interactions.
Avoidance of Future Talk
Another telltale sign of a situationship is the avoidance of future talk. Partners often steer clear of discussions about exclusivity or long-term plans due to their lack of commitment. This avoidance can include not making plans for vacations or meeting each other's friends, further highlighting the casual nature of the relationship.
Surface-Level Conversations
Superficial conversations are also sometimes associated with situationships. Your interactions may lack emotional intimacy and vulnerability, focusing instead on surface-level topics instead. This can prevent deeper emotional connections from forming, leaving you feeling somewhat disconnected.
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Pros and Cons of Situationships
Situationships come with their own set of pros and cons. On the one hand, they offer excitement and flexibility; on the other, they can lead to emotional distress and misaligned expectations. Understanding both sides can help you navigate these ambiguous relationships more effectively.
Benefits
"Unlike traditional relationships with defined expectations, situationships allow individuals to enjoy emotional or physical intimacy without the pressure of formal commitments," says Hafeez. "This flexibility appeals to those who prioritize independence or have diverse personal goals that may not align with a traditional partnership."
There's also an element of self-understanding associated with situationships that we may not encounter in other relationships. Anderson says situationships "provide an opportunity for exploration in that they make you look at what you really want from a relationship."
"They encourage self-reflection, requiring you to be very honest with yourself and ask, 'Were there ways I was settling?' or 'Were there things that I allowed to go on that should have never been allowed?' This introspection can be valuable for personal growth and understanding your relationship needs," she adds.
Drawbacks
Situationships may have their perks, but there are also some serious drawbacks to consider. The continuous ambiguity can cause emotional distress and anxiety, particularly for those who prefer clear expectations and stability.
For starters, situationships can also lead to mismatched feelings and expectations. If one partner starts developing deeper feelings and desires a more committed relationship, while the other does not, it can result in emotional pain and a sense of wasted time.
"The dynamic of a situationship can trigger wounds about our worthiness, making them very hard to get over," Anderson adds. "It might not be as much about the person itself, as much as it's about what the dynamic of not being chosen represents to you as an individual."
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How to Navigate a Situationship
Setting Boundaries
Respecting each other's need for personal space and spending time is crucial. This includes respecting privacy on social media and in technology use, as well as honoring each other's values and beliefs without trying to change them.
"Setting boundaries and defining the parameters of the relationship is essential," says Hafeez. "If attempts to discuss the status of the relationship or future intentions repeatedly result in confusion or ambiguity, it may indicate that the situationship isn't progressing toward a more meaningful connection," she adds.
Take Your Time
"Taking a gradual approach and allowing the relationship to develop naturally is key," Hafeez insists. "Rushing into defining the relationship prematurely can introduce unnecessary pressure and potentially hinder progress. Allowing emotions to deepen organically fosters a stronger foundation for a more committed relationship over time."
Communicating Expectations
It's important to have open and honest conversations about what each person wants from the relationship from the start. You can do this by asking direct questions, such as:
- "What are we doing?"
- "Where do you see this going?"
- "Are we exclusive?"
- "What are your expectations?"
"Successful navigation of a situationship hinges on honest and open communication, ensuring both individuals understand each other's feelings, boundaries, and intentions to avoid misunderstandings and emotional turmoil," says Hafeez.
Evaluating Your Needs
Regularly evaluating your needs in a situationship is crucial to ensuring it fulfills your emotional and relational desires. The following practices can also guide you in future relationships.:
- Checking in with yourself about what you want
- Reflecting on your experiences
- Considering whether you're pushing your own needs aside to satisfy someone else's expectations
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Can Situationships Evolve Into Committed Relationships?
One or both parties usually reach a tipping point where they desire more than an ambiguous status. Mutually agreeing on the direction of the relationship under the right conditions can facilitate its development into a committed romantic relationship. However, this shift requires clear and honest communication about expectations and desires.
"Transitioning a situationship into a more structured and committed relationship requires careful navigation and clear communication from both individuals involved," says Hafeez. "The first step involves having open discussions about feelings and expectations. This means openly sharing where each person envisions the relationship going and what they hope to achieve from it."
And the work doesn't stop there, either. According to Hafeez, it's imperative that both partners pour some serious energy into building trust, demonstrating commitment, and discussing exclusivity, communication preferences, and long-term aspirations.
"Clarifying boundaries helps both individuals understand each other's needs and ensures mutual comfort and respect within the relationship," she says.
Red Flags in Situationships
Wanting Different Things for the Future
It's hard to maintain an emotional connection with someone without being on the same page about how you want things to progress.
"If the relationship isn't evolving despite clear communication and efforts, it may be a sign that it will not progress to something more substantial," says Anderson.
"If your partner's goals for the relationship differ significantly from yours, and there's no room for compromise, it may be best to move on.
Imbalanced Efforts
Sure situationships are casual, but it's important that both partners put the same amount of emotional energy into the relationship. "Healthy relationships thrive on mutual commitment and effort," says Hafeez.
"If you consistently invest more emotionally or in terms of time and commitment than the other person without reciprocal effort, it can lead to feelings of imbalance and dissatisfaction," she explains.
Emotional Distress
You also need to be honest with yourself about whether or not you're actually equipped to handle this relationship dynamic. "If the situationship repeatedly brings up unhealed trauma or past relational wounds without any resolution, it may be detrimental to continue," Anderson says.
Breaking Boundaries
"Respect for boundaries is also crucial," Hafeez reminds Best Life. "If there is a pattern of disrespecting or ignoring each other's boundaries—whether emotional, physical, or personal—it can erode trust and indicate a lack of mutual respect and understanding."
Ending a Situationship
Ending a situationship involves:
- Reflecting on your feelings and understanding why you want to leave.
- Communicating clearly and honestly without placing blame.
- Using "I" statements to express your feelings without causing conflict.
Choosing a private and neutral setting for the conversation can facilitate a sincere discussion, and providing closure by discussing what went well can help both parties make peace with the decision. After ending a situationship, prioritizing self-care is essential to foster mental and emotional health, ensuring a stress-free recovery.
FAQ
How can I tell if I'm in a situationship?
If you notice inconsistent communication, avoidance of future plans, and surface-level conversations, you might be in a situationship. Look out for these signs to assess your relationship.
Can a situationship turn into a committed relationship?
With open communication and mutual agreement on the relationship's direction, a situationship can definitely develop into a committed relationship.
What are the benefits of a situationship?
Situationships offer the freedom of being single while enjoying the benefits of a relationship, providing flexibility and little emotional responsibility.
What are the mental health implications of a situationship?
Being in a situationship can lead to anxiety, insecurity, and difficulty forming secure attachments due to the lack of stability and consistency.
Wrapping Up
While situationships can offer the thrill of a new connection and freedom from traditional relationship expectations, they also introduce some significant challenges. Clear communication, setting boundaries, and evaluating your needs are essential steps in navigating these ambiguous relationships. Before labeling yourself a "situationship person," it's important you take the time to understand your boundaries and get comfortable communicating your specific needs.
