8 Signs You're a Hopeless Romantic, According to Relationship Experts
Could you have an idealized view of love that is hurting your dating life?
It's one thing to want to be in a loving and healthy relationship. But when you think about romance in terms of fairy tales and finding your one, true love, you are at risk of something else: being a hopeless romantic. This idealized view of love may seem harmless, but experts say it can actually lead to some significant issues. Not sure whether or not you fall into the hopeless romantic category? Read on to find out more about what it really means to be a hopeless romantic and the eight signs that could indicate that you are one.
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What is a hopeless romantic?
The term "hopeless romantic" describes "a person who holds sentimental and idealistic views on love, especially in spite of experience, evidence, or exhortations otherwise," according to Dictionary.com.
Iterations of this phrase date back all the way to 1855 and the novel Lady Willoughby by Marie Price La Touche, in which a mother tries to convince her son not to pursue a "hopeless, romantic attachment." But the first written appearance of this specific phrase is Georgian Stories, a 1926 short story collection where the character named George is described "as a hopeless romantic."
"Hopeless romantics often have an idealized view of love and relationships. They believe in fairytale endings, soulmates, and the perfect partner," Kayden Roberts, relationship coach working with the dating app CamGo, tells Best Life. "This belief is frequently reflected in their conversations and expectations from their relationships."
What's the opposite of a hopeless romantic?
You can have an optimistic view of romance without being a hopeless romantic. In fact, a more recently coined phrase describes the opposite of a hopeless romantic: a hopeful romantic.
The significance of this romantic label was explained in a 2022 Reddit thread. "Hopeful romantics are people who still believe in love and the quirky Hallmark cards but still have practical expectations," the post notes. "They are optimistic about the idea of falling for someone or going on a date but will not be blinded by the possibilities the date or romantic holiday can go terribly wrong."
So what are the signs that you fall into the hopeless romantic category and not the hopeful romantic one?
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1
You catch feelings very quickly.
Hopeless romantics want to fall in love, and it doesn't really matter who with. Because of this, you often see these individuals "get overly invested in the people they are dating too soon," says Nicole Moore, relationship expert and love coach at Love Works.
"Hopeless romantics often project their romantic fantasies on others very early on into the dating process and often do so without properly vetting their person of interest to see if they are a true match," she explains.
2
And you rush into relationships.
This doesn't allow hopeless romantics much time to "date around" either. Instead, they frequently fall straight into exclusivity and labels when they find a person of interest.
"People who are hopeless romantics struggle with rushing into relationships without getting to know their partner on a deeper level," Jenny Flora Wells, MSW, holistic psychotherapist and licensed social worker, explains. "This is due to feeling like the opportunity will disappear if we don't act right now."
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3
But you tend to have short-lived relationships.
If you're someone who is known for jumping from one relationship to another, you're likely a hopeless romantic.
"These individuals are typically chasing for the rush of endorphins and 'feel good' hormones that come from the 'honeymoon' phase at the beginning of the relationship," Wells says. "Once that ends, hopeless romantics tend to move onto another romantic partner, subconsciously chasing that feeling again."
In fact, most hopeless romantics will leave a relationship before it has a chance to be "real," Nancy Landrum, MA, relationship coach at Millionaire Marriage Club, adds.
"The hopeless romantic is not interested in the real work of building a lasting relationship. They tend to be disappointed anytime the partner wants to talk about a real concern, or work out hurt feelings or doubts," Landrum explains.
4
You believe in love at first sight.
Believing in the idea of love at first sight is also a common factor among hopeless romantics. "They often fantasize about meeting their person and instantly knowing that they are the one," Moore says.
So if you find yourself repeating the phrase "when you know, you know," you may be a hopeless romantic, according to Moore.
"These people tend to idealize the idea of meeting someone in the real world because they want their first meeting with their romantic partner to be just like the 'meet cutes' in the movies," she adds.
5
You're big on romantic acts and gestures.
Romance is one of the most important aspects of a relationship for hopeless romantic. "They often fantasize about being on the receiving end of big romantic gestures," marriage and family therapist Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, says. "They may even use the other person's romantic gestures as confirmation that they have found their match."
Hopeless romantics also put a lot of emphasis on traditionally romantic acts that may seem cliché to some, according to Sofie Roos, a couples therapist with over 18 years of experience. This may include "giving red roses on the first date, dinner at a cozy taverna with candles, slow walks and long conversation, making love for hours, and vacations to beautiful and romantic places," she notes.
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6
You're also very expressive with your emotions.
Hopeless romantics don't only want to be on the receiving end of these gestures, however. "They also tend to be very expressive about their own emotions," Roberts explains.
As a result, "they might write love letters, plan elaborate dates, and constantly express their feelings of love and admiration," she notes. "This high level of emotional expressiveness indicates their deep longing for a romantic connection."
7
You have obsessive tendencies.
If you find yourself excessively showering your partner with affection or gifts, you may be teetering into obsessiveness—which is also a common trait among hopeless romantics, according to Steffo Shambo, relationship expert and founder of Tantric Academy.
"Hopeless romantics may exhibit obsessive behaviors," Shambo says, noting that these tendencies may also include "constantly thinking about their partner or becoming overly possessive and jealous over them."
RELATED: 10 Signs You're in a Codependent Relationship.
8
You prioritize romantic love.
Hopeless romantics usually fail to visualize their life beyond finding the perfect partner. Instead, they imagine their movie-like happy ending as a be-all, end-all, and nothing in their life is more important than that.
"These individuals often prioritize romantic love above all else, sometimes to the detriment of other essential aspects of their lives, such as their career, friendships, or personal growth," Shambo explains.
What are the benefits of being a hopeless romantic?
There are some positives to being a hopeless romantic—one of the biggest being that these individuals "often have a very resilient heart that's willing to open up and fall in love again," according to Moore.
"If you find yourself still wishing and hoping that you can find true love, even if you've been through your fair share of bad breakups, you may be a hopeless romantic and that endless optimism about finding true love may actually be one of your biggest assets," she explains.
"At the end of the day, it's better to be hopeful that true love is around the corner than to be resigned and bitter," Moore adds. "So in this sense, being a hopeless romantic isn't such a bad thing because it means you're more open to finding love than most."
Goldberg agrees, noting that "having a hopeless romantic attitude can be refreshing and sweet" in a relationship. "When embraced in a healthy way, it can offer a relationship a glass-half-full perspective during bumps in the road," she says. "A hopeless romantic may also be good at repairing things when relationships face hurdles or when they have done something hurtful."
What are some of the challenges with being a hopeless romantic?
Of course, on the other hand, there are also plenty of negatives to being a hopeless romantic. "One of the main issues is the tendency to set unrealistic expectations," Roberts says. "This can lead to disappointment when reality doesn't align with their idealized vision of love. They might feel disappointed when their partner doesn't meet these high standards."
Not only that, but hopeless romantics "often overlook red flags in a relationship because they are so focused on the potential for love," according to Roberts. "This can result in staying in unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships longer than they should," she warns.
