I'm a Matchmaker and These Are 7 Avoidable Fights That Can Ruin Your Relationship
Celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert April Davis says these arguments spell trouble.
No relationship is perfect: No matter how hard we try, arguments do happen. Sometimes fights can have a positive outcome, especially if you and your partner reach a mutual understanding. But other fights are simply unnecessary, derailing your day and potentially even your love story. Now, April Davis, relationship expert and celebrity matchmaker of Luma Luxury Matchmaking, is sharing seven of the avoidable fights that really drive a wedge in your relationship. Read on for a breakdown of the tiffs she says just aren't worth having.
RELATED: 10 "Silly Fights" That Can Totally Derail Your Relationship, Therapists Say.
1
Texting tiffs
In so many relationships, texting is a primary form of communication. But while some argue that this is a resurgence of the written word, there are drawbacks, including loss of tone and the potential to leave messages unanswered.
"Have you ever sent a message with good intentions, only to be misinterpreted? Emojis can be misunderstood, and delays in responses can lead to unnecessary worry and overthinking," Davis warns. "It's always best to talk vs. text with your partner."
2
Social media snafus
Also on Davis' list of avoidable fights are those over social media.
"Who liked whose post? Why did you comment on that friend's photo? Social media can stir up insecurities and ignite jealousy faster than you can say 'relationship status,'" she says.
When it comes to social media, think about your significant other before you post or interact with others online and prioritize your real-life relationships instead of virtual ones, Psychology Today recommends.
RELATED: 5 Red Flags About the Emojis Your Partner Is Texting, According to Therapists.
3
Planning priorities
We all need alone time and the ability to enjoy our hobbies, but the reality of a relationship is spending a lot of time together—which can lead to arguments about how you spend that time.
"Trying to decide on weekend plans or vacations can feel like herding cats. One person wants adventure, and the other wants Netflix and chill," Davis shares. "It's like trying to solve a puzzle without all the pieces."
4
Bedtime battles
We all generally fall into one of two categories: night owl or early bird. But while both have their perks, having different sleep habits from your partner can prompt unnecessary fights.
"Ah, the never-ending battle of bedtime. One partner prefers early nights, while the other is a night owl," Davis explains. "It's like trying to synchronize watches in different time zones, leading to sleepless nights and tired mornings."
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5
Fashion fights
Another "nothing fight" could arise from your and your partner's respective closets.
"From borrowing clothes without asking to critiquing fashion choices, navigating each other's closets can lead to a wardrobe meltdown faster than you can say, 'Does this make me look fat?'" Davis says.
6
Money madness
This one probably doesn't come as a surprise—money is one of the most common causes of fights. In fact, a 2014 survey conducted by the American Psychological Association (APA) found that nearly one-third of adults with partners cited money as a "major source of conflict."
"They say money can't buy happiness, but it sure can cause a lot of arguments," Davis notes. "From budgeting to spending habits, differing views on finances as silly as they look can lead to heated debates."
RELATED: 8 Red Flags That Spell Cheating, Therapists Warn.
7
Dinner dilemmas
Rounding out this list of common quarrels is arguments about food. It may seem trivial, but think about how often you and your partner debate cooking or ordering in, or where you'd like to go when you have a night out. Arguing over this isn't worth it either, according to Davis.
"Choosing what to eat can become a culinary clash when one partner wants Italian and the other craves Mexican," she says. "It's like a food fight without the fun, leaving both hungry for compromise."
Here's how to avoid falling victim to "nothing" fights.
According to The Gottman Institute, if you've had one of these seven fights, that's normal. In reality, the most common thing couples fight about is "nothing."
But these arguments are problematic because they can hurt trust—and both partners need to see the argument as an "opportunity for growth."
Instead of allowing fights to sow seeds of negativity, use conflict as an opportunity to deepen your understanding of one another. And rather than giving up, becoming defensive, or leaning into criticism, ask your partner what they need from you and truly listen to their perspective.
