These 10 Simple Questions Determine How Well You Know Your Partner, Couples Counselor Says

What you don't know might surprise you.

In a relationship, one of the biggest mistakes you can make is assuming you know everything about your partner. In reality, there's always more to learn—and a continued curiosity about one another can be a powerful driving force in keeping the magic alive. However, figuring out what you don't know is a good first step in deepening your connection. Jeff Guenther, LPC, a couple's counselor also known on social media as Therapy Jeff, says that 10 key questions, in particular, can tell you how well you know your partner, deepening your bond in the process.

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1
What's the first subtle sign that your partner is annoyed with you?

couple sitting on the floor talking
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In his recent TikTok video, Geunther first suggests reflecting on how you would recognize that your partner is annoyed with you. If you're able to pick up on their subtle cues when it comes to the emotions that they hold close to the chest, chances are you're in tune with their emotional style more generally.

It's also a piece of practical knowledge that can help you ease tensions and avoid bigger arguments. After all, knowing when your partner is displeased and being able to respond productively can work wonders in building a more harmonious relationship.

2
What gets your partner in the mood?

Happy couple talking in the morning
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Knowing what turns your partner on is an important part of having a healthy sexual relationship. Guenther says that knowing "the most effective move or phrase to use" to get your partner in the mood is a good sign that you're probably in sync.

RELATED: 5 Things You're Not Texting Your Partner That Therapists Say You Should Be.

3
When they're stressed, what do they find helpful?

Shot of a young woman hugging her husband while he uses a laptop on the sofa at home
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Do you know the best way to respond when your partner is stressed out? If so, that likely means you know them pretty intimately. Your better half may find any number of approaches helpful, but Guenther specifically mentions "venting, problem solving, distraction, giving space, or hooking up."

4
What's their love language?

Couple Cuddling on the Couch
Cameron Prins/Shutterstock

Knowing your partner's love language is another sign of intimacy and understanding. If you don't know what makes your partner feel most loved, asking them is a great way to connect and get closer.

Words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch are typically considered the five love languages. However, Guenther says you can get even more specific in your questioning. "What feels more loving to them: cuddles on the couch, being told why you love them, or having dinner made and the house cleaned for them?" the couple's counselor says.

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5
How would your partner rate your first sexual experience together?

Young couple in love lying on bed at home and cuddling, embracing and enjoying weekend together
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Sexual intimacy can be a sign that you're well-connected in your partnership. However, being able to talk about your intimacy brings that connection to a whole new level.

"On a scale of one to 10, how would your partner rate the first time you did it?" Guenther suggests asking yourself. If you don't know the answer, this could be a good way to start speaking up about how your sexual relationship began, how it's evolved since, and what you want it to look like in the future.

6
What does your partner see as the biggest imbalance in your relationship?

Unhappy senior couple on couch fighting or having an argument
Shutterstock

Knowing your relationship's weaknesses is just as important as knowing its strengths. In particular, being aware of any labor or power imbalances "that could lead to long-term resentment" can help you avoid serious struggles down the line—that is if you take the time to course correct.

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7
What is one short-term and one long-term goal that your partner is striving for?

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Your partner's hopes and dreams are at the core of who they are. Guenther suggests that if you know your partner well, you should be able to identify at least one short-term and one long-term goal that they're working towards. If you don't, make sure to ask what gives them hope or excitement for the future.

8
Which family member is your partner feeling most connected to right now?

Cheerful couple having fun while talking to senior couple at home.
iStock

Understanding your partner's family dynamics means you've taken the time to consider the intimate relationships they have outside of your own romantic partnership. Ask yourself whether you know which family member your partner is feeling most connected to right now. If you don't, probing that topic can tell you a lot about who they are and how they're feeling.

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9
What's one of their most cherished memories from your relationship?

Happy senior couple in raincoats having fun while dancing with umbrellas during rainy day at the park.
skynesher / iStock

Which memories of your relationship does your partner hold most dear? Knowing the answer to this not only signals that you're open communicators—it also means you probably understand what they value most in your partnership. If you don't know the answer to this one, asking them is also a great way to get those warm and fuzzy feelings going as you share your own favorite moments.

10
Who's their celebrity crush?

Cheerful mature lady is communicating with husband while relaxing with mugs of tea in green countryside
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Do you know your partner's celebrity crush? Being willing to broach the topic of their desires outside of the context of your relationship could actually help bring you closer. A hypothetical celebrity affair is non-threatening to your real-life relationship and could help you push the boundaries of what you're willing to discuss.

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Lauren Gray
Lauren Gray is a New York-based writer, editor, and consultant. Read more
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