These days, there's no shortage of podcasts in which stars from TV shows past rewatch their series and break down each episode for fans. One actor who won't be participating in this trend is One Tree Hill star Chad Michael Murray. During a recent panel at a fan event, Murray shared that he will never watch the teen drama, which aired from 2003 to 2012. According to the actor, it would be "too hard" to go through it again, even after so many years have passed.
Read on to find out why Murray, who went through some personal struggles during his time on the show, says he's "deathly afraid" to relive One Tree Hill.
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Murray starred on the show for six years.
Warner Bros. Television DistributionMurray became a teen idol playing Lucas Scott on One Tree Hill for six seasons, from 2003 to 2009. The drama is about half-brothers, Lucas and Nathan (James Lafferty), their family lives, their dating lives, and their high school basketball days. While Murray left after the sixth season, he returned for an episode in the final season.
He says he's "deleted" his memories of the show.
Michael Tullberg/Getty ImagesDuring an appearance at Christmas Con in Edison, New Jersey on Dec. 10, Murray said that it would be "too hard" to watchOne Tree Hill, because he doesn't want to revisit that part of his life.
"It's a section of my life that I deleted," he said, as reported by People. "A lot of development, a lot of growth as a human being, and [I] just deleted so much of it. I think we have hard drives, right? I'm probably like, you know when you get an iPhone that holds like 264 gigs: I'm down on a 32 gig phone because of old information, so booting everything up. So I think I'm deathly afraid."
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His personal life was tied up with the show.
DFree / ShutterstockMurray didn't go into specifics about why he "deleted" his run on One Tree Hill, but he has opened up about that part of his life before.
When they were on the series, he had a relationship with co-star Sophia Bush. They got married in 2005 but separated only a few months later. As reported by E! News, there were rumors that Murray cheated on her with Paris Hilton.
He reportedly left the show due to contract negotiation issues. Per E!, he was recorded by fans saying that he wasn't happy with the decision and that the show wasn't bringing him back because "they want to save money."
In 2011, Murray talked to E! about the mistakes he believes he made during his One Tree Hill era, which may also shed some light on why he doesn't want to look back on that time.
"Um, you know, I was a kid. And I guess I just I didn't see things as clear as I wish I did," he said. "I was just living my life, going out, and I changed everything." He continued, "I don't go out. I don't do any of those things anymore. I really like keeping a very low profile. When you're young and you're thrown into something that I was definitely not ready for—I'm human and screw up. I'm glad I went through it, I really am, because I wouldn't have come out the other side."
His co-stars host a re-watch podcast.
Kevin Winter/Getty Images for iHeartRadioMurray might not be interested in revisiting One Tree Hill, but three of his co-stars do so regularly. Bush, Hilarie Burton, and Bethany Joy Lenz host a rewatch podcast called Drama Queens. During Christmas Con, Lenz said initially she was "terrified" to watch the show but that it ultimately wasn't so bad.
"When you think about where you were in your personal life, and the things that you went through, the mistakes you made, all those transitions, watching those things can really bring back all the memories, embarrassing moments, things you're ashamed about, choices you made that you're not proud of," she said, according to People. "And so, it's been so cool. I was really afraid, watching back, that that's what I was going to go through, just a non-stop barrage of shame of all the stupid [expletive] that I did in my life. It turns out, it's not been that experience."
Murray is still in touch with his castmates.
Featureflash Photo Agency / ShutterstockMurray didn't delete his co-stars from his life, however. He has said that they're still close, and the cast regularly participates in reunion events.
"It's one of those things where it's a family," he shared at Christmas Con. "We grew up together in a lot of ways, and so you'll enter a room like this, and I could see Joy, Hilarie, or anyone from across the room, and it's like, 'Family!' You can grab onto each other and feel a little bit safe, because it's your crew."
