Communication is the key to have mutually satisfying sex. That’s true whether it’s opening night with a new partner or you’re whiling away a Sunday in bed with the woman whose boorish brother-in-law you’ve been dutifully tolerating for years. But right now we won’t discuss what to say to the woman standing naked before you, but rather what not to say. Why? Because we’re at our most vulnerable when we’re naked, and an ill-considered comment at that moment can quickly escalate into a big bowl of bad. Of course, for if you slip up and say the wrong thing, be prepared, and learn how smart men apologize to women.
Watch Now: The 4 Sexiest Things You Can Say to a Woman:
“You don’t shave?”
It’s perfectly acceptable to have a preference in body hair. If you can express it in an empathetic way, it’s fine to pass along that information. But when you do, don’t expect your preference for pubic hair to supersede hers. Do expect her to have an opinion on your body-grooming regimen and be willing, ready, and able to accommodate it. But whatever you do, do not critique her handiwork—or lack thereof—when you’re in the moment. You’ll make her feel distracted and self-conscious. Studies have shown that women with a more positive body image are fully present in the moment and are more likely to experience greater sexual satisfaction and a greater frequency of orgasms. And if that’s your goal (it is) be sure to check out the sex positions she wants you to try—tonight.
“So what do you do at the gym?”
Again, talking about a woman’s naked body in a way that demonstrates a lack of enthusiasm is like throwing an orgasm-wrecking grenade into her brain. When you’re naked or being sexual is not the time to bring up what you perceive to be a lack of muscle tone. So don’t do it. Instead compliment what you love about her body. She’ll feel great about those parts and be more motivated to be at her best for you. Meanwhile, make an effort to look your best naked. Lead by example—albeit quietly. For a good routine, you could do worse than stealing a male model’s secrets for staying in perfect shape.
“So I have this important meeting tomorrow…”
Whether it’s your wife of 20 years or someone you just met on Tinder, whomever you’re naked with could be getting naked with someone other than you. You should show her an appropriate amount of reverence when she’s standing there in her birthday suit. A good way to diminish the moment is to talk about literally anything else. You know that feeling when you show kindness to a stranger and they don’t acknowledge it? Well, it’s like that, but a hundred times worse: a) you’re not a stranger; and b) giving someone the gift of an lewd eyeful is much more special that holding an elevator door for three seconds. Though if you actually do have a meeting, learn the 14 ways to conquer business meetings once and for all.
“Um…what are you doing?”
We’ve all been there. A partner is trying a sex move on you, and its effect on your arousal is precisely opposite to the one (you hope) she’s gunning for. Maybe she had a partner who was crazy for…whatever that is. Maybe she read about it in Cosmo. Suffice it to say, whatever she’s doing, she’s doing it to make you feel good. Think about that when you ask her to stand down. “Can I show you something I really like?” is a nice way to quickly turn any unwanted maneuvers into something more serviceable.
So you’re with someone whose libido can outstrip your own. Mazel tov! Does that mean you need to spring into action every time she wants sex? In a word, no. You’re absolutely entitled to be tired, or even not in the mood, once in a while. But when you decline her offer of hanky panky, make sure you elaborate on what you’re feeling. A curt “no thanks” may cause her to think it’s got something to do with her. Provided that it’s just a temporary ebb in your desire, explain that it’s not her fault and that you’ll be more than happy to reciprocate the minute your lust comes roaring back. If it’s more than temporary, though, you may want to look into the best everyday sex drive boosters for men.
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