9 Signs Your Partner Has Serious Trust Issues
Take note if they often use the phrase "I thought you said..."
Without trust in a relationship, your communication and actions toward one another break down—and once that happens, your romance can be difficult to revive. Of course, mistrust can be caused by so many things, including anxiety, attachment issues, or trauma from a previous relationship. It can also manifest in different ways and end up putting unwanted stress on your relationship. To avoid this situation, we consulted therapists to find out the top indicators that your partner has trust issues. Read on to find out what you need to look out for.
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1
They exhibit "unwarranted jealousy."
Jealousy is always tricky in relationships, especially if it seems to appear out of thin air for no clear reason.
"If a romantic partner is not doing anything to provoke jealousy (e.g., not engaging in flirtatious behavior), ongoing displays of jealous behavior often signal underlying trust issues," clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD, author of The Joy of Imperfect Love, tells Best Life.
According to Courtney Hubscher, LMHC, LCPC, NCC, of GroundWork Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, they may also become jealous over "harmless interactions" with others, including friends or colleagues.
"They often question your loyalty or commitment," she adds.
2
They go through your phone or social media.
If your partner struggles with trust, they might feel a heightened sense of suspicion, prompting them to violate some aspects of your privacy.
Hubscher says a partner with trust issues might review your text messages, phone records, emails, direct messages, or location data.
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3
They're emotionally unpredictable.
We all have those days when we feel emotional or irritable, but a partner with trust issues will likely exhibit consistent emotional dysregulation and reactivity.
"Bouts of anger, irritableness, or fear can be a sign of trust issues," Manly says. "When emotional episodes are connected to—or triggered by—feelings of insecurity, trust issues are at work."
She continues, "In fact, high levels of anger are a common defense mechanism that 'protects' an individual from feelings of vulnerability—this is at the core of trust issues."
4
They need constant reassurance.
People with an insecure attachment style often struggle with trust in relationships, Manly points out. As a result, they may seek reassurance or validation through a partner.
"A high need for affirmations of love and safety [is another sign] of unresolved trust issues," Manly says. "Untrusting partners—especially those with high levels of anxiety—may seek a sense of safety by chronically asking a partner for reassurance that they are loved, wanted, or safe."
They may also have a fear of abandonment that results in clinginess and hyper-dependency, Manly adds.
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5
They don't open up.
While some partners with trust issues might want to share everything with you, others can be emotionally closed off.
"Honest communication may become difficult with partners fearing judgment or misunderstanding," Hubscher says.
A partner with trust issues might find it hard to share their personal thoughts and feelings or avoid discussing their past relationships and experiences, she explains.
6
They ask lots of follow-up questions.
If your partner constantly barrages you with questions about your whereabouts, acquaintances, and future plans, they could be doing it because they don't trust you or think you may be cheating.
"For example, if you are out with friends, you may be met with 'Where were you? Who were you with?' when you get home," says Amanda Levison, a licensed professional counselor at Neurofeedback & Counseling Center in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.
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7
They try to catch you in contradictions.
Sometimes, after your partner asks you their line of questioning, they'll try to catch you in a fib.
"This is the partner who says things like, 'I thought you were coming straight home from work, but that drive only takes 15 minutes. Where did you go?'" says Elizabeth Brokamp, PhD, a licensed professional counselor with a private practice in Virginia.
"This can even extend to events or relationships from the past," says Brokamp. "If your partner regularly begins sentences with, 'I thought you said…' take heed." The fact that they're hunting for ways that you've lied signals they think there's something to find."
8
They feel uncomfortable when you socialize without them.
If a night out with friends puts your partner on edge, it's likely because they don't trust you completely.
"If your partner insists on being with you when you want to spend time with your friends, they may struggle to trust you, and [are wary of] what happens when they are not around," says licensed mental health counselor GinaMarie Guarino.
She specifically recommends listening for statements like, "I trust you, but I don't trust them."
"[This implies] that your partner is struggling with fears that circle around distrust, even if they do not have evidence that you are untrustworthy," Guarino says.
9
They become agitated when you don't respond to calls or texts immediately.
A double text or two is harmless, but if your partner constantly becomes upset when you don't respond to them right away, you may have some trust issues to solve.
"People who struggle with trusting their partners tend to quickly begin to wonder and jump to conclusions when they do not hear from you right away," says Guarino. "These feelings and their resulting behaviors and anger are typically unreasonable and are an indicator that their anxiety and distrust are causing them to jump to conclusions, even if they know that you may be busy or unavailable when they message you."
In this case, try to set reasonable boundaries and expectations around your digital communication and see how your partner responds. Sometimes, an honest chat is all it takes to get things back on track.
