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30 Coffee Quotes for Anyone Who Just Can't Function Without It

"I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now."

Young Asian woman drinking
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Are you a coffee connoisseur? Does your barista start preparing your order as soon as they see you? Can you even function before you smell a freshly brewed pot? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you'll certainly identify with our 30 favorite coffee quotes. And to feel even better about your daily brushes with the bean, here are 30 Incredible Health Benefits Coming From Your Cup of Coffee.


Morning Coffee Quotes

Isn't the smell of coffee the best alarm clock
  1. "I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake."
  2. "Don't stir all the warmth out of your party, drink it."
  3. "I never laugh until I have my coffee."
  4. "I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless."
  5. "Isn't the smell of coffee the best alarm clock?"
  6. "I love coffee. I sometimes get excited at night thinking of the coffee I’ll get to drink in the morning. Coffee is reason to wake up. There are other reasons, of course. But coffee is the incentive, at the very least."
  7. "We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup."

Lewis Black

Kate ChopinThe Awakening

Clark Gable

Napoleon Bonaparte

S.A. Tawks, The Spirit of Pessimism

Annie Clark

Jerry Seinfeld

Inspirational Coffee Quotes

I have a strong theory that you can tell a lot about someone by their coffee order.
  1. "Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it. Don't wait for it. Just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot black coffee."
  2. "Coffee was only a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your slightly older self."
  3. "I have measured out my life with coffee spoons."
  4. "Like all good things in life, the drinking of coffee may be abused."
  5. "For everything bad, there's a million really exciting things, whether it's someone puts out a really great book, there's a new movie, there's a new detective, the sky is unbelievably golden, or you have the best cup of coffee you ever had in your life."
  6. "After all, coffee is bitter, a flavor from the forbidden and dangerous realm."
  7. "I have a strong theory that you can tell a lot about someone by their coffee order."
  8. "Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after."
  9. "Coffee is a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup."
  10. "Black as night, sweet as sin."

Kyle MacLachlan as Dale Cooper, Twin Peaks

Terry Pratchett

T.S. Eliot

William Harrison Ukers

Patti Smith

Diane Ackerman

Emmie Lee Dean

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Gertrude Stein

Neil GaimanAnansi Boys

Funny Coffee Quotes

I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.
  1. "A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems."
  2. "Iced coffee might be cold, but it was made in heaven."
  3. "You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to be here."
  4. "What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup."
  5. "The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, et cetera. So people who don’t know what the hell they’re doing, or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino."
  6. "I never said I liked coffee better than sex. I said I'd had it more."
  7. "Almost all my middle-aged and elderly acquaintances, including me, feel about 25, unless we haven't had our coffee, in which case we feel 107."
  8. "I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now."
  9. "I just want a hot cup of coffee, black, and I don’t want to hear about your troubles."
  10. "I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup."
  11. "Till such time that there are strong men in this world, a woman would prefer strong coffee!"
  12. "I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee."
  13. "Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever."

Alfréd Rényi

Anthony T. Hincks

Will Ferrell as Buddy, Elf

Henry Rollins

Tom Hanks as Joe Fox, You've Got Mail

Kevin Sinnott

Martha Beck

Louisa May AlcottLittle Women

Charles Bukowski

Eddie Izzard

Manoj Vaz

Flash Rosenberg

David Letterman