It's difficult—if not impossible—to gauge how someone else is feeling in a relationship. But if you're mulling over whether you're falling in love with your partner, you're probably wondering if they are, too. Fortunately, science has helped pinpointed some tangible signs that a man is developing deep feelings for you. Watch your partner for these subtle clues he's head over heels.
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15 Ways to Tell He Loves You (Without Having to Ask)
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If he loves you, his body language and behaviors will give him away. Here are the 15 signs that he's in deep.
1. He's been asking about the future.
If he's asking you whether you'd ever plan on moving or having kids, he's not necessarily saying he wants those things (don't get too excited), but he is showing an interest in your aspirations, says Marisa T. Cohen, marriage and family therapist and relationship scientist.
"When partners push each other to answer those questions, it shows a certain level of intimacy," she adds. He's probably serious enough about you that he wants to make sure you're really compatible.
2. He is paying attention to your needs.
Taking the time to check in with you about how you're doing and what you need is a clear sign that he cares. In the same way that many women like taking care of the men they love, some guys show their affection through nurture. That can provide some welcome relief to women tired of navigating a society that doesn't always put them first. And it's not just the women who benefit, either.
The hero instinct theory suggests that guys get just as much out of feeling needed by their partners as the women receiving that special attention. Things play out case by case, but this could mean anything from spoiling you with material possessions to offering physical protection.
3. He's all about eye contact.
Pay attention to where your man is looking—turns out the eyes really are a window to the soul and could be one of the major signs a man is falling in love.
In a 2014 study published by Psychological Science, researchers found that when a person feels the pull of romantic love, their eyes are drawn to the other person's face. On the flip side, sexual lust makes their eyes dart quickly to the person's body.
4. He's always putting you first.
Have you noticed your guy is always letting you pick the dinner spot, or offering to run out to the store when you're craving certain chips?
There's a term for that—compassionate love—and research published in Europe's Journal of Psychology back in 2017 linked higher levels of it with higher levels of romantic love.
Those small, selfless acts are true signs a man is falling in love and would do anything for you.
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5. When you laugh, he laughs.
A series of studies of college students in a 2015 Evolutionary Psychology study found that men use humor to gauge a woman's interest—the more she laughs, the more interested she is. But even more telling? The more the pair laughed together, the stronger the chemistry between them.
If the two of you are always in fits of giggles, it shows that you have fun together, which is a foundation for a lasting relationship.
6. He's been revealing intimate details about himself.
"People are misled when they hear the word 'intimacy.' They think 'sex' right away," says Cohen. "Sex is a component of intimacy, but it's not all that it is."
Instead, intimacy is all about revealing those details that you wouldn't necessarily reveal to other people. When your partner shares his personal stories with you, he's showing a level of trust.
7. You can feel his heartbeat match yours.
Shutterstock / Suzanne Tucker
When we feel a connection, we subconsciously try to mimic the person we're with. A 2017 study from the University of Colorado Boulder found that when couples sit together, their heart rate and breathing naturally start to sync up—and if one partner is hurting, touching the other could provide natural pain relief.
8. He values your advice.
Taking your advice can be a pretty big deal. If he often runs with what you suggest, he likely trusts you're looking out for his well-being. It also indicates that he considers your opinion valuable, well thought out, and worth trying.
"When he starts accepting your advice, it shows that he is accepting influence, which means that a person holds space for, and opens up to their partner's thoughts, ideas, and emotions," says Cohen. "It can also signal that you are both growing together as a couple, and moving from 'I' to 'we.'"
9. He's been more optimistic lately.
A 2014 study of 245 couples found that being in a happy, stable relationship helped young adults reduce their levels of neuroticism and stop jumping to the worst possible conclusions. If your partner has been seeing the glass as half full lately, it could be that the relationship is helping him feel confident in a future with you.
10. He wants to spend quality time with you.
Researchers have found an "investment model" that predicts how attached someone is to a relationship. People are more likely to commit to a relationship if they feel satisfied with their partner, think it's better than any alternative, and consider themselves to already be invested. Doesn't sound so romantic when you put it that way, but if your guy has been dodging other commitments to spend time with you, you can bet that he's in pretty deep.
11. He says "we" all the time.
Strong couples tend to think of themselves as part of a unit, not just as individuals. "You hear a shift verbally," says Cohen. "You hear a lot more of 'we' did this. You hear more of the other person referring to themselves as part of the couple."
Don't worry—it doesn't mean he's going to start saying "oh, we love tiramisu!" but one of the biggest signs a man is falling in love is that when he's sharing stories or discussing future plans, there's a good chance you'll be part of the picture.
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12. He's getting heavy into PDA.
Though sometimes cringy, public displays of affection indicate an intense desire for your partner, and that's always a good sign within a relationship. This behavior also communicates a certain pride in being seen with someone in such an intimate context—and that's important.
Research conducted by social psychologist Justin Lehmiller, PhD, in 2018 found that upwards of 80 percent of men and women fantasize about feeling wanted by someone in exactly this way.
13. He gets out of his comfort zone for you.
We wouldn't encourage you to try to change someone, but research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that change is a natural part of relationships. When love is still new, partners are more likely to explore new parts of their own personalities and try new things.
He might tag along to his first Vagina Monologues performance, or you might notice that he's been extra-generous since that time you called him sweet for donating money to your favorite charity.
14. He's stopped cleaning up after himself.
It might be frustrating that your partner has suddenly stopped bothering to bring his dishes to the sink or hang his jacket up, but hear us out: It could be a good sign.
"When we start a relationship, we're presenting the best version of ourselves," says Cohen. "Over time, we let the person see our true selves." That could mean something as simple as being less self-conscious about messiness, or as intimate as letting you see the darker side of a chronic illness.
15. You're already in love with him.
Shutterstock / Banana Oil
Lucky you, ladies: You're less likely to experience unrequited love. A 2015 Spanish study published in the International Journal of Psychology and Psychological Therapy found that women in love were more likely to be loved back than men in love.
The authors put forward a few theories—maybe women are pickier about who they say they love, or maybe men are more likely to say they're "in love" even when the other person doesn't feel it back. So if you're asking yourself if he returns the feeling and analyzing his every move for the signs a man is falling in love, there's a decent chance that the answer is "yes."
Great, He's In Love With Me... So Why Isn't He Saying It?
Some people aren't great at communicating how they feel. And sure, those "some people" are sometimes men. It's not necessarily anything to worry about, it's just another reminder that human psychology is complicated.
For years, men have been socialized not to express their emotions. While that's slowly starting to change, progress can be slow to complete.
"Perhaps he doesn't have the words to label the emotional experience or feel uncomfortable leaning into those emotions," says Cohen. "Another major component can be societal influences and feeling that it's not OK to be so open with your feelings or that it's too soon to share them."
Past traumas can also lead to some hesitancy. Just because the man loves you doesn't mean he's confident in the fact that you love him back. Be sure to sit your partner down if you're sensing some distance.
Simply talking things out provides opportunities to unpack your relationship dynamics and reassure him about your feelings for him. If he continues participating in the behaviors listed above, you can take it as a sign that the guy really is in love.
How Do I Figure Out If a Man Doesn't Love Me?
Remember, actions speak louder than words. While an inability to discuss his emotions can be off-putting, it's the failure to act on them that's the real red flag. Check out the list below for certain signs that your partner may not love you anymore. While everyone has moments they aren't exactly proud of, some repeat offenses just shouldn't be tolerated.
1. He makes you feel insecure.
If your self-esteem has taken a hit throughout your relationship, consider it a pretty glaring red flag. While it's true that we may look at our partners with kinder eyes during the initial phases of falling in love, things shouldn't diminish so drastically. A loving partner will watch out for your well-being. If they aren't doing their part to help you feel good about who you are, consider it a sign something is off.
2. He's spending time more time with his best friend and away from you.
It's normal to notice a little more distance in your relationship as time goes on, but only to a certain extent. It's still important to carve out quality time together. I mean how can you expect to make great memories together without putting in the work? If you feel as though you're not getting enough facetime, be sure to address it. It's important that your man respects your needs within the relationship,
3. He won't introduce you to his friends and family.
There are a few things you can keep to yourself within a relationship, but family certainly isn't one of them. While everyone moves at their own pace, integrating a partner into your established network is a sure sign that you're in it for the long term. The less involved you are in each other's lives, the easier it is to unravel.
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4. He gets upset all the time.
You don't have to be a relationship expert to determine that frequent fighting is a bad sign. Though everyone goes through their ups and downs, increased irritability could be a sign that they are unhappy in the relationship. The best thing you can do is talk about it before things go even further south.
5. He seems apathetic.
Remember when we discussed how men in love like to put their partners first? Well, the opposite might be true when those same men fall right back out of love. Refusing to maintain that connection with your partner spells detachment and disinterest.
6. He's no longer interested in sex.
Love and sex don't always go hand in hand, but a sudden lack of physicality can indicate trouble in the relationship. Either you and your partner have different ideas of how much sex should take place within the relationship, or other issues are interfering with his desire to be intimate with you. Both instances are problematic and neither will resolve itself on its own.
7. He doesn't value your opinion.
When guys fall in love, they tend to take your advice. Unfortunately, when that dynamic starts to crumble, it can take trust down with it. Not only is he putting less stock into your opinions, but he's also preventing you guys from aligning your future moves.
Wrapping Up
That's it for our list of signs that he's really in love! Refer to the points above for some insights into where the relationship is going. Of course, everyone shows their affection in different ways, but it's worth seeing how many factors apply. And be sure to check back with us soon. We've got tons more material to share.
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