The key to sustaining a successful, romantic relationship in your 60s? Living apart but together—also known as "LAT." The nonconforming living situation is the opposite of what researchers are seeing happen in young adult couples, where the desire to move in together is still considered a major milestone. However, among adults 60 and over, cohabitating is sometimes perceived as detrimental to the relationship. According to a new study, dating while living separately, or LAT, is what keeps the spark alive in older relationships.
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“LAT is a sort of fine balance between intimate union and individual autonomy. It allows individuals to still keep their commitments to existing family relationships, while leaving a space for them to have an intimate partner at a late stage in life,” lead study author Yang Hu said in an interview with The Guardian.
“In terms of numbers, there are many more younger people living apart together, but they do that under completely different circumstances…for younger adults living apart together, seven out of 10 are saying they want to move in together in three years’ time, in contrast to just one in four older adults," he continued.
Hu added that the argument can be made for both sides. In most cases, couples in their 20s and 30s are interested in moving in together because they plan to build a life together and start a family. But for couples in their 60s and 70s, who aren’t necessarily looking to start over from scratch, the merging of possessions and routines can create more of a burden.
It can even dampen the mental health of the individuals in the relationship. Through his research, Hu analyzed how LAT partnerships impact daters’ mental health.
He pulled data from the United Kingdom Household Longitudinal Study and measured mental health stability among LAT, married, cohabitating, and single individuals (this last group encompassed never-married, widowed, and divorced/separated participants). Then, he examined how going in and out of LAT relationships impacts mental health compared with the beginning and ending of marriages and cohabiting.
According to the study’s results, LAT older adults have “better mental health” than when single. The bigger piece of evidence, though, is that LAT individuals experience “smaller mental health declines” during a breakup compared to those leaving a marriage or cohabitation.
“We need to acknowledge the strength of these ties stretching across households, they are really important in sustaining individuals’ wellbeing,” said Hu. “What’s also interesting is that among older people who LAT, 64 percent were living within 30 minutes of each other—and [they were] more gender egalitarian.”
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In an interview with Business Insider, Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at Hinge, shared that the LAT lifestyle offers many perks for older adults.
"They're like, 'I have my house set up the way I want. You have your house set up the way you want. Why don't we be in a long-term relationship, but we don't need to live together?'" explained Ury, who also serves as an expert on Netflix’s The Later Daters.
Agreeing to live separately can also resolve the issue of compromising or the lack thereof. "People are stuck in their ways,” Ury said. "They're less flexible and they have their ways of doing things."
In male-female relationships, LAT tends to benefit women more than men. This arrangement distances women from assuming traditional gender norms (i.e., taking care of the home). Thus, they “may have more to gain than older men from LAT,” per the study.
