25 Monty Python One-Liners That Are Relevant Today

John Cleese saw everything coming.

25 Monty Python One-Liners That Are Relevant Today

John Cleese saw everything coming.

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Monty Python only made a handful of movies and one TV sketch show, but they managed to create some of the most timeless comedy of their generation. And yes, we do mean “timeless.” Their prime was during the 1970s and early 80s, but their best bits sound like they could’ve been written this week. When was the last time you watched a comedy from the 70s and thought, “It’s like they’re satirizing 2018?” Probably never. But Monty Python, despite existing long before the Internet and all the peculiarities of the early 21st century, might as well have been skewering modern culture.

Don’t believe us? Check out these 30 classic one-liners from Monty Python’s movies and TV sketches, and tell us they aren’t as relevant today, maybe more relevant, than they were back in the 70s. And for more hilarity, enjoy these 40 Facts So Funny They’re Hard to Believe.

Image via IMDB

Monty Python's Flying Circus

1
“We interrupt this program to annoy you and make things generally more irritating.”

-Monty Python’s Flying Circus

Replace “program” with “online story” and add “with pop-up ads,” and it’s like this was written yesterday. And for more priceless zingers, read up on the 25 All-Time Greatest One-Liners by Politicians. 

Monty Python Life of Brian

2
“He’s not the Messiah—he’s a very naughty boy!”

Monty Python’s Life of Brian

Hey, we’re not naming any names!

Image via IMDB

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

3
“Strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords, is no basis for a system of government!”

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

But it arguably makes more sense than a government that allows itself to shut down! (Burn!) And for more utter silliness, here are the 50 Puns So Bad They’re Actually Funny. 

Image via IMDB

Monty Python The Meaning of Life

4
“And finally…”

“… here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and hopefully spark some sort of controversy.”

The Meaning of Life

Hmm. Being shocking just to spark controversy and get attention. We’ll let you think about that while you’re posting to Instagram.

Image via IMDB

Monty Python The Meaning of Life

5
“The mill’s closed…”

“… There’s no more work. We’re destitute. I’m afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments.”

The Meaning of Life

Obviously nobody would ever sell their kids to pay the bills. But when times get tough, it’s easy to identify with the absurdism of this Monty Python skit. And for more on the absurdities of daily life, here are the 20 Things Everyone Secretly Finds Hilarious. 

Image via IMDB

Monty Python's Flying Circus

6
“But kids were different in them days…”

“… They didn’t have their heads filled with all this Cartesian Dualism!”

Monty Python’s Flying Circus

Adults are as confused as ever about what the heck is going on with the kids today. And for more on our ever-widening age gap with our youth, here are 40 Words People Over 40 Wouldn’t Understand.

Image via IMDB

Monty Python's The Meaning of Life

7
“Shut up, you American…”

“…. You Americans, all you do is talk, and talk, and say ‘let me tell you something’ and ‘I just wanna say.’ Well, you’re dead now, so shut up!”

The Meaning of Life

Leave it to the Grim Reaper to school modern Americans on their bloated egos.

Monty Python's Flying Circus

8
“We use only the finest baby frogs…”

“…dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose.”

Monty Python’s Flying Circus)

Not only could these exist in 2018, they’d probably sell for $200 a pound. They could even turn up on our list of The 50 Most Expensive Meals in Every U.S. State.

Image via IMDB

Monty Python's Flying Circus

9
“My brain hurts!”

Monty Python’s Flying Circus

We’re right there with you, Mr. T.F. Gumby. Every time we watch the news, we want to moan “My brain huuuurts!”

Monty Python's Flying Circus

10
“There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.”

Monty Python’s Flying Circus

The great thing about modern medicine is that they never overcharge patients for needless procedures. Or maybe the opposite.

Monty Python's Flying Circus

11
“This is a vegetarian restaurant…”

“… We serve no meat of any kind. We’re not only proud of that, we’re smug about it.”

Monty Python’s Flying Circus

Apologies to our vegetarian friends, but you know it’s true.

Monty Python's Flying Circus

 

12
“Tonight, instead of discussing the existence or non-existence of God, they have decided to fight for it.”

Monty Python’s Flying Circus

Unlike today, where we’re able to have civil, rational debates about religion.

Monty Python Witches

 

13
“She’s a witch! Burn her already!”

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

It’s like John Cleese and company knew about the 2016 U.S. presidential election.

Monty Python's Flying Circus

14
“It’s just gone eight o’clock and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.”

Monty Python’s Flying Circus

We can’t be the only one afraid to turn on our TV because of what might happen next, right?

Monty Python And Now for Something Completely Different

15
“Let me tell you something, my lad…”

“…. When you’re walking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don’t come crying to me!”

And Now for Something Completely Different

Somehow, that perfectly describes the paranoia you may be feeling in 2018.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

16
“Oh! Now we see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed!”

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Wait, is this a movie about 5th century Europe, or 21st century college campuses?

Monty Python's Life of Brian

17
“Apart from the sanitation…”

“…the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?”

Monty Python’s Life of Brian

Even today, our government is still out to get us—except for all the stuff they do for us!

Monty Python And Now For Something Completely Different

18
“It’s not pining…”

“… It’s passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet it’s maker! This is a late parrot! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies! It’s rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot!”

And Now for Something Completely Different

It’s not so much the dead parrot part of this sketch that still rings true. It’s the arguing with somebody about what seems like an obvious truth until you’re red in the face, and they’re still refusing to acknowledge it.

 

Monty Python Miracle of Birth

19
“Is it a boy or a girl?,” asks the new mother…

To which the obstetrician answers: “I think it’s a bit early to start imposing roles on it, don’t you?”

The Meaning of Life

Hey, don’t look at us, we’re not the one making satire of modern ideas about gender fluidity.

Monty Python's Flying Circus

 

20
“There are a great many people in the country today, who through no fault of their own, are sane.”

Monty Python’s Flying Circus

And remember, these were lines written before the invention of Twitter.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

 

21
“Let’s not bicker and argue over who killed who.”

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Why Monty Python isn’t being taught in schools as an unironic example of global political logic is beyond us.

 

Monty Python's Flying Circus

22
“I’d like to complain…”

“…about people who constantly hold things up by complaining about people who complain. It’s high time something was done about it!”

Monty Python’s Flying Circus

We’d complain about this quote, if it wasn’t so spot-on.

Monty Python's Flying Circus

 

23
“I’m glad to say we’ve got the go-ahead to lend you the money you required…”

“… We will, of course, need for security the deed to your house, the deed to your aunt’s house, of your wife’s parents’ house, and of your granny’s bungalow. And we will in addition need a controlling interest in the stock of your new company, unrestricted access to your private bank accounts, the deposit of your three children in our vaults as hostages, and a full legal indemnity in case of any embezzlement carried out against you by members of our staff during the normal course of their duties.”

Monty Python’s Flying Circus

Um…. this is supposed to be satire, yes? Cause we’re pretty sure they just described our mortgage. And if that sounds eerily familiar, here you’ll find the 20 Best Ways to Lower Your Mortgage Payment. 

Monty Python Flesh Wound Sketch

 

24
“It’s just a flesh wound.”

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Yes, this was said by the Black Knight, who had just had his arm chopped off. In an era in which controversies are often glossed over, this absurdist joke still rings true.

Monty Python Migrating Coconuts

 

25
“Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?”

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

This jaw-dropping argument, in which King Arthur insists that a tropical fruit could be carried by birds to the temperate Mercia kingdom, follows the same reasoning of many disagreements in 2018, where opinions are more important than facts!

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