20 Funniest Jokes From Kids’ Books

Hey—a good joke is a good joke.

20 Funniest Jokes From Kids’ Books

Hey—a good joke is a good joke.

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People without kids don’t realize what they’re missing. Yes, childrens’ books can be corny and condescending, especially if you’re an adult. But they also have some of the best one-liners in literature. Maybe it’s because you don’t expect it; in a book written for and about grown-ups, a little saucy humor isn’t completely out of left field. But when a witty rejoinder sneaks into a book intended for readers still required by law to sit in a car seat, it’s more surprising. It’s like if someone handed you a beer in church. Should I really be drinking this? It’s so much more satisfying because you’re not entirely sure if it’s allowed.

Here are 20 of our favorite jokes from kids’ books, which are funny whether you’re reading them to a child or enjoying them alone. For more childish humor, check out these 50 Jokes From Children That Are Actually Funny.

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland Lewis Carroll Jokes From Kids' Books

1
Maybe you should read the label first

“If you drink much from a bottle marked ‘poison’ it is certain to disagree with you sooner or later.”

Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone JK Rowling Jokes From Kids' Books

2
On friendship

“There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.”

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling

Have a laugh with your friends, and share these 50 Amazing Jokes You Can Text to Friends.

Where the Sidewalk Ends Shel Silverstein Jokes From Kids' Books

3
Don’t be an early worm

“Oh, if you’re a bird, be an early bird

And catch the worm for your breakfast plate.

If you’re a bird, be an early bird—

But if you’re a worm, sleep late.”

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

The Adventures of Captain Underpants Dav Pilkey Jokes From Kids' Books

4
Who’s responsible for this?

“George and Harold were usually responsible kids. Whenever anything bad happened, George and Harold were usually responsible.”

The Adventures of Captain Underpants by Dav Pilkey

Lighten the mood with these 40 Corny Jokes You Can’t Help But Laugh At.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Roald Dahl Jokes From Kids' Books

5
Poached eggs are always stolen

“Whipped cream isn’t whipped cream at all if it hasn’t been whipped with whips, just like poached eggs isn’t poached eggs unless it’s been stolen in the dead of the night.”

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl

Horseradish Lemony Snicket Jokes From Kids' Books

6
Optimists vs pessimists

“If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, ‘Well this isn’t too bad, I don’t have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I’m left-handed or right-handed,’ but most of us would say something more along the lines of, ‘Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!’”

Horseradish by Lemony Snicket

For more laughter at the expense of your furry friends, check out these 40 Funniest Jokes About Animals.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid Jeff Kinney Jokes From Kids' Books

7
Do these pants make me look sarcastic?

“Dear Aunt Loretta,

Thank you so much for the awesome pants!

How did you know I wanted that for Christmas?

I love the way the pants look on my legs!

All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants.

Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever!

Sincerely, Greg”

Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney

The Princess Bride William Goldman Jokes From Kids' Books

8
Except for cough drops

“True love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops. Everybody knows that.”

―The Princess Bride by William Goldman

Humor can be found anywhere. Case and point: these 30 Hilarious Jokes Found in Non-Comedy Movies.

You're Only Old Once! Dr. Seuss Jokes From Kids' Books

9
On growing old

“When at last we are sure, You’ve been properly pilled,

Then a few paper forms, Must be properly filled.

So that you and your heirs, May be properly billed.”

You’re Only Old Once! by Dr. Seuss

Once you’re older, you’ll appreciate these 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40.

Fortunately, the Milk Neil Gaiman Jokes From Kids' Books

10
Why spoons are better than forks

“Spoons are excellent. Sort of like forks, only not as stabby.”

Fortunately, the Milk by Neil Gaiman

Naked Mole Rat Gets Dressed Mo Willems Jokes From Kids' Books

11
The lowdown on naked mole rats

“Here are three useful things to know about naked mole rats: 1. They are a little bit rat. 2. They are a little bit mole. 3. They are all naked.”

Naked Mole Rat Gets Dressed by Mo Willems

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day Judith Viorst Jokes From Kids' Books

12
Even in Australia

“It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. My mom says some days are like that. Even in Australia.”

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst

Winnie-the-Pooh A.A. Milne Jokes From Kids' Books

13
How to operate a boat

“Now then, Pooh,” said Christopher Robin, “where’s your boat?”

“I ought to say,” explained Pooh as they walked down to the shore of the island, “that it isn’t just an ordinary sort of boat. Sometimes it’s a Boat, and sometimes it’s more of an Accident. It all depends.”

“Depends on what?”

“On whether I’m on the top of it or underneath it.”

Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe C.S. Lewis Jokes From Kids' Books

14
You just got served

“My dear young lady,” said the professor… “there is one plan which no one has yet suggested and which is well worth trying.”

“What’s that?” said Susan.

“We might all try minding our own business.”

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis

The Phantom Tollbooth Norton Juster Jokes From Kids' Books

15
It’s funny because it’s true

“Everybody is so terribly sensitive about the things they know best.”

The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster

Charlotte's Web E.B. White Jokes From Kids' Books

16
What to do with good things

“Good things come to those who find it and shove it in their mouth!”

Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White

Holes Louis Sachar Jokes From Kids' Books

17
Some constructive criticism for rattlesnakes

“Rattlesnakes would be a lot more dangerous if they didn’t have the rattle.”

Holes by Louis Sachar

The Book With No Pictures B.J. Novak Jokes From Kids' Books

18
My only friend

“My only friend in the whole wide world is a hippo named Boo Boo Butt.”

The Book with No Pictures by B.J. Novak

Goldilocks and the Three Dinosaurs Mo Willems Jokes From Kids' Books

19
It’s chocolate pudding

“The first bowl of chocolate pudding was too hot, but Goldilocks ate it all anyway because, hey, it’s chocolate pudding, right?”

Goldilocks and the Three Dinosaurs by Mo Willems

Secret Pizza Party Adam Rubin Daniel Salmieri Jokes From Kids' Books

20
The Happy Screams

“SECRET PIZZA PARTY! Oops, I said that kind of loud. Sorry, pizza smell gives me the happy screams.”

Secret Pizza Party by Adam Rubin

For even more silliness found in print, check out these 25 Funniest Newspaper Headlines of All Time.

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