Things to Talk About With Your Girlfriend to Strengthen Your Bond
Try out these conversation topics to maintain intimacy and deepen your connection.
Conversation rarely seems to fall flat during the early stages of a relationship, but flash forward a few months and you might find yourself running out of new topics to discuss. That's your cue to start working a little harder. While they aren't always easy to kick off, deep conversations often lead to increased intimacy—especially in the context of a long-term relationship. Besides, your girlfriend will love that you're making an effort to stay connected with her. Need somewhere to start? We've outlined several important things to talk about with your girlfriend below. Feel free to pull from the list the next time you need a good conversation starter.
17 Important Things to Talk About With Your Girlfriend
1. Talk about her interests, friends, and family.
Taking a genuine interest in what your girlfriend likes to do and who she prefers to spend time with is vitally important. As you would too, she'll appreciate the opportunity to open up about her life. Ask her about what activities she has planned this for this weekend or how a beloved family member of hers is doing.
2. Discuss your passions.
Not only will you earn points by asking your girlfriend what she's passionate about, but joining her in these pursuits might just strengthen your bond. Research shows that couples who regularly participate in activities together demonstrate higher levels of relationship satisfaction. And adding some new hobbies to the list may help even more. A 2020 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that engaging in novel tasks with a romantic partner will help you feel more secure as a couple and grow your relationship.
Of course, not everyone shares a common interest with their partner, and that's perfectly fine. A separate study of 2,000 adults in relationships found that while one in five reported they have "nothing in common," they're still going strong and are as happy as ever.
3. Talk about the future.
You may not think that talking about the future is necessary during the early stages of your relationship, but it's one of those things you may want to address sooner rather than later. Whether the conversation revolves around pursuing your dream job, managing finances, or family planning, it's good to establish that you're both on the same page. Besides, talking things through will alleviate anxieties about your future together, and that can help improve your current relationship standing.
A 2017 study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that the concept of "expected satisfaction," or how happy you anticipate being in the future, has a huge impact on how happy you are in the present. Anticipated life events and plans to improve the relationship, specifically, proved to be huge happiness drivers.
4. Talk about past relationships.
You may not think it's useful or welcome to discuss your previous relationships with a new partner, but it can actually be beneficial. Outlining the behaviors or dynamics that didn't work for you is a great way to assert your needs and boundaries going forward. It also gives your current partner a sense of how you respond to certain events and how comfortable you are owning up to any mistakes you might have made in the past.
5. Talk about your personal beliefs.
There are certain subjects you definitely want to avoid at work and even with family, but conversations about your deeply held beliefs always have a place in a new relationship. Your girlfriend should be aware of your spiritual and religious beliefs, especially if they're a major part of your life. Whether she shares them or not, you'll know if she respects them.
Though, having similar beliefs does have additional benefits. Scientists even came up with a name for the bond a couple establishes through learning this. It's called "relational spirituality," and it can align your relationship goals and deepen your connection.
6. Talk about something you've recently learned.
Not every conversation has to be about something serious and hugely impactful. In fact, talking about the small stuff can help you remain present and connected.
If you're not in the mood for a deep talk but want to relate to your partner, talk about something you learned recently or tell her about an interesting thing that you recently saw or experienced. At the bare minimum, it will provide a few minutes of entertainment. At best, it will lead to other conversations about what's important to you.
7. Discuss your deepest fears.
Being vulnerable with your partner is necessary if you want to have a healthy relationship. Talking about your fears requires some bravery, but it will pay off.
While you may want your girlfriend to know that you hate heights and spiders, try not to limit yourself to traditional phobias. Think about what else might be making you sweat. Could it be commitment? Or being criticized by someone you love? Could it be something that might or might not happen in the future? Talk it out, and see where you land.
8. Talk bucket list items.
If you're in the mood to discuss some exciting, aspirational stuff, bring a few of your bucket list items into your next conversation. Road trips, skydiving, international travel—there are countless adventurous activities you two can plan together. Researchers have even found that engaging in fun activities can help promote intimacy and spontaneity, plus create fun relationship memories.
Here's something else that's good to know: Even if you don't have the time off or the money needed to carry out the next item on your bucket list, you can still reap the benefits of planning it or fantasizing about it. In 2010, a group of Dutch researchers determined that most vacationers derive more pleasure from planning an excursion than from actually being there.
9. Share secrets.
All of us have secrets, but a desire to share more of yours with your significant other is a good sign. If you feel ready, try telling her something you don't often talk about. It will help her understand you better, and she'll appreciate the trust it takes for you to confide in her.
The benefits don't end there, either. Studies have shown that increased honesty and the tendency to tell fewer lies improve not just mental health but physical health as well.
10. Talk about bad habits.
Not everything you do is going to please your partner. In fact, she might find some of your habits downright annoying. Why not talk about your bad habits and see which ones you most need to address? Maybe your communication style is starting to irk her, or maybe she wishes you didn't sleep in so late on the weekend so you two can spend more time together. It might be that you've just gotten complacent and your girlfriend can actually help you in your commitment to break some of your unhealthy patterns.
11. Talk about the past.
Show your girlfriend a different side of you by opening up to her about your past. You can talk about how you grew up, explain what your family is like, and even introduce her to some of your favorite childhood memories.
Of course, depending on what struggles or trauma you've experienced in your past, these conversations could get heavy. Only disclose what you're comfortable with and walk away with the satisfaction of knowing your partner now has a better understanding of who you are and where you come from.
12. Discuss role-play ideas.
Here's a fun conversation starter that you certainly don't want to skip: Role play ideas. Get together with your girlfriend and discuss a few fun things you can do to spice up your next date night. After all, bedroom adventures like this are far more common than you may think.
They're also known to help boost relationship satisfaction and intimacy among couples. After all, sex typically leads to more sex. What's more, experts suggest that they can be a helpful exercise in uncovering core parts of our own identity.
13. Talk about movies.
The film industry is worth $77 billion worldwide. That's a lot of money to pour into the zeitgeist!
Whether you two enjoy sharing memories of your favorite childhood movies or debating who was the best Batman ever, talking about films and media in general can be a gateway to learning more about each other. And it (usually) makes for a low-stress, low-stakes conversation.
14. Talk about weekend plans.
What are you doing this weekend? Don't know? Well, talk to your girlfriend and figure it out. Taking time to do something special together will keep your relationship fresh and fun. It's also been proven to improve relationship satisfaction, increase connectivity, and help people perceive more positives within their relationship.
Other studies have found that individuals who spend more recreational time with their partners—meaning instances that don't involve chores or logistics—are almost twice as happy as when they spend time alone.
15. Discuss mistakes.
Discussing past mistakes may not sound like much of a party to you, but being open about them can only improve your relationship. Speaking openly about actions or behavior that may have caused conflict within the relationship is really the only way to correct the problem. It also opens up opportunities to air any other grievances and sort out any misunderstandings that you may be holding onto.
It's also worth noting that offering up an apology when warranted can do wonders for your dynamic. A 2021 study published in Scientific Reports not only found that most apologies are met with forgiveness, but also that they are an indicator of effort put into maintaining the relationship.
16. Talk about how you're currently feeling.
If you sense something might be off with your partner, check in with them and see if you can address the problem before it worsens. If everything is just fine, shift into a fun topic. Talk about the best meal you had this week or something silly your coworker did. A 2023 study published in Current Psychology found that the most important predictors of relationship satisfaction include humor and receptive listening.
17. Talk about embarrassing moments.
A 2020 study found that "vulnerability disclosers"—like rehashing one of your most embarrassing moments—provide opportunities for your girlfriend to show her support. Though, we suggest starting with stories that don't involve your partner. According to the authors, "partner-exclusive" divulgences were met with more support than those that dragged them into the story.
That's it for our list of things to talk about with your girlfriend, but be sure to check back in with us soon for more ways to connect with the ones you love. You can also sign up for our newsletter to enjoy similar content, as well as the latest in wellness, entertainment, and travel.
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