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127 Questions to Ask Your Partner About Love, Life, & Intimacy

These conversation starters will tell you so much that you need to know.

Running out of questions to ask your partner? When you've been together for a long time, it's easy to slip into a daily routine and forget to do your part to stay connected. Just because someone isn't vocalizing the need to communicate more often doesn't mean that they don't want to, and the last thing you want is to be blindsided by a fight when you thought everything was going perfectly well.

What's more, according to couples consultant and coach Lesli Doares, women, in particular, have a tendency to "go radio silent after years of attempts to improve the relationship. If she no longer is talking about it, and a specific solution has not been implemented, she may be planning her exit." But men—as our society often seems to forget—have feelings too, and many a husband would rather bottle up his emotions than tell his spouse that something is amiss.

Now, no one is suggesting that you have a Big Relationship Talk every single day—that would be exhausting. But it's important to keep up a healthy back-and-forth, because there's always something left to discover about your partner. You don't have to go into these conversations unprepared either—read on for a handy guide to the most important, eye-opening questions you can ask your love.

READ THIS NEXT: 21 Questions For a New Relationship.

Deep Questions to Ask Your Partner

close up of man and woman sitting at a cafe drinking coffee
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  1. What's your favorite memory from when we first started dating?
  2. Have you ever cheated on any of your past partners?
  3. How did you first figure out that we were on the same page in terms of how we wanted to progress the relationship?
  4. What does being a good friend to you look like?
  5. How can I be a better support for you?
  6. How have you changed in the past year? In the past decade?
  7. Do you ever wish we were raised differently?
  8. When was the last time you cried?
  9. What's your biggest insecurity?
  10. What boundaries are most important to you?
  11. How would you compare our relationship to your parents' relationship?
  12. Is there anything you've been holding onto that you want to get off your chest?
  13. What do you think are the most important elements for success in a long-term relationship?
  14. What's one piece of advice you wish you could give to your younger self?
  15. Would you stay with me if you found out I was unable to bear children?
  16. True or false: My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship.
  17. What negative dynamics were present during your last relationship?
  18. Are there any mental health issues or addiction struggles in your family?
  19. Do you ever get uncomfortable with how I dress?

READ THIS NEXT: 271 Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend Before Getting Serious

Juicy Questions to Ask Your Spouse

Happy couple talking in the morning
Dmytro Zinkevych / Shuterstock
  1. Which physical feature of mine do fantasize about most?
  2. Who is your celebrity crush?
  3. What are some things we can do outside of the bedroom to keep the spark alive?
  4. Do you have any fantasies you want to try out?
  5. What's an instant turn-on for you?
  6. If you were going to watch a naughty video right now, what terms would you search for?
  7. Ideally, how often would you like for us to be intimate?
  8. What's your favorite form of physical touch?
  9. What are your thoughts on toys?
  10. What's your favorite sex scene from a movie?
  11. Would you ever consider bringing a third person into the bedroom?
  12. How do you feel about open relationships?
  13. How often do you like to masturbate?
  14. What's something you've never been interested in exploring, even though people say it can help improve your sex life?
  15. Where would you most like to be intimate outside of the bedroom?
  16. Do you want to create a sex tape?
  17. What's your favorite song to listen to when getting it on?

Questions About the Past

middle aged couple discussing 'questions to ask your partner' on a couch
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  1. What's your favorite childhood memory?
  2. What did you think about our first kiss?
  3. What was the most embarrassing moment you can remember from when we first started dating?
  4. What's the most important thing you've learned about relationships following a breakup?
  5. How did your last relationship end and in what ways did you contribute to the breakup?
  6. Did you debate whether or not to ask me out?
  7. What was your first impression of me?
  8. What was your favorite subject in school?
  9. How long would you say it took to get to know me on a deeper level?
  10. How old were you when you got into your first serious relationship?
  11. Do you think it took longer for us to develop an emotional connection or a sexual connection?
  12. Do you think it's important to know how many people your current partner has been intimate with?
  13. How have your relationships with friends and family changed over the years?
  14. How have I changed over the years?
  15. What's your biggest regret concerning our relationship?
  16. What's something we used to do that you wish we could add back into our routine?

    READ THIS NEXT: 228 Questions to Ask a Girl During Your Next Date.

Serious Questions About the Future

couple having a serious conversation in public
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  1. What do you think we need to start prioritizing to maintain a healthy relationship?
  2. How much money do we want to set aside for luxuries like date nights and travel?
  3. Would you be willing to engage in a long-distance relationship if it meant one of us got to pursue our dream job?
  4. How do you think you would react if my physical appearance suddenly or drastically changed in the future?
  5. What are your opinions on divorce?
  6. What would your ideal wedding budget be?
  7. In what area of your life do you think you could use a coach or a mentor?
  8. Do you ever have any doubts about us?
  9. Where do you see yourself living when you retire?
  10. What are your thoughts on having our elderly parents live with us if they can't live on their own one day?
  11. How many pets would you be willing to take care of?
  12. How long are you comfortable being engaged for?
  13. Would you ever consider sleeping in separate bedrooms?
  14. Do marriage and children go hand-in-hand for you?
  15. Is owning a home important to you or are you OK renting?
  16. Will we be moving in together with the plan to marry?
  17. Do you ever picture having grandchildren?
  18. How well do you think our parenting styles will align?
  19. How will you fulfill your need for alone time when we're living together?
  20. How do you imagine a day in the life of us married with kids?
  21. What's something that would be a deal breaker for you going forward?

Random Questions to Ask Your Partner

couple sitting on the floor talking
SeventyFour / Shutterstock
  1. What's your all-time favorite movie?
  2. What's your weirdest guilty pleasure?
  3. Describe our first date.
  4. If you could know one thing about your future, what would it be?
  5. Do you believe in ghosts?
  6. Do you have a least favorite relative?
  7. Finish this statement: I'm going to make more of an effort to…
  8. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
  9. What's one show you want us to rewatch?
  10. What's the best part of your average day?
  11. Describe my perfect day.
  12. What's something you've been procrastinating on?
  13. If you could solve one problem, what would it be?
  14. Name three things we have in common and three differences.
  15. What's something you've always wanted to say to me but couldn't?
  16. Who is your role model in life and who is your role model in love?
  17. What's the best gift you've ever received?
  18. What's something you would love to try but are too afraid to?
  19. If we were randomly gifted one million dollars, how would you want to spend it?

READ THIS NEXT: 236 Important Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend.

Relationship Questions About Love

couple snuggling behind the window at a cafe
  1. What does emotional intimacy look like to you?
  2. What's your favorite way to express love?
  3. How can I love you better?
  4. When do you feel most loved by me?
  5. What's your favorite sort of text to receive from me?
  6. Did you experience love at first sight when we met?
  7. What's your favorite thing about our relationship?
  8. What's your favorite way to spend quality time together?
  9. What's your love language?
  10. What do you think makes us so compatible?
  11. What is your definition of a spouse?
  12. What could I do to make you feel more respected?
  13. Are you happy with me?
  14. How do you feel our relationship is going?
  15. What's your happiest memory of us together?
  16. Do you feel like we spend enough time together?
  17. How can I show my appreciation for you better?
  18. Do you think I'm a good caregiver?

Fun Questions to Ask Your Partner

couple having fun while going through a list of 'questions to ask your partner'
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  1. What do you want to do for our next date night?
  2. Which famous person would you want a "sex pass" for?
  3. Describe your dream vacation.
  4. What has been your greatest accomplishment in life?
  5. What would you say is your greatest talent?
  6. What's one activity that makes you feel alive?
  7. What do you think is my weirdest habit?
  8. What would you title your memoir?
  9. What am I best at cooking?
  10. What was one of your best moments at work?
  11. If you could actually keep a New Year's resolution, what would it be?
  12. What was the best vacation we've ever been on?
  13. What are ten things you would bring with you to a desert island?
  14. Which one of your pet peeves do I consistently violate?
  15. What's the best advice you've ever been given about dating?
  16. If you could host a dinner party with five influential or famous people (dead or alive), who would they be?
  17. What's the next thing you want to cross off your bucket list?

Wrapping Up

That's it for our list of questions to ask your partner, but be sure to check back in with us soon for more tips. You can also sign up for our newsletter so you don't miss out on what's next!

Diana Bruk
Diana is a senior editor who writes about sex and relationships, modern dating trends, and health and wellness. Read more
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