Why The Hilarious "He's Not Your Man" Dating Meme Is Going Ultra-Viral

When you first start dating someone, it's important to look our for red flags. Does he take forever to answer your text messages? Then he's not your man. Does he cancel plans at the last minute? Then he's not your man. Is he nice to you but mean to everyone else? Not your man.

Recently, Twitter user @KylePlantEmoji lampooned this all-too-common (though solid) Internet dating advice via a tweet that's gone massively viral. It starts out reasonably enough, telling the ladies that "he's not your man" if he "only responds when you double text," but then gets progressively weirder, until you realize he's describing 19th President Rutherford B. Hayes.

Ladies, if he:

– only responds after you double text
– doesn't care about your snap streak
– refuses to shave
– is a staunch abolitionist
– returns to Ohio after serving only one term

He's not your man. He's 19th president Rutherford B Hayes

— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) November 22, 2018

The meme really took off, and soon, people were sharing other "red flags" you should watch out for.

After all, you don't want to end up dating a Hawaiian bobtail squid.

Ladies, if he:

– never responds to your texts
– has never watched your insta story
– doesn't have a backbone
– only lights up after dark
– is endemic to the Hawaiian archipelago

He's not your man. He's a Hawaiian bobtail squid.

— Sarah McAnulty (@SarahMackAttack) November 23, 2018

Or a virtual paperclip.

ladies, if he:

– never texts you back
– always interjects with unsolicited advice
– reads your personal documents
– constantly tries to help you format paragraphs
– is a sentient paper clip

he's not your man. he's clippy the microsoft word office assistant

— #1 Rachel (@rachel) November 24, 2018

Or a dubious recipe for Thanksgiving leftovers.

Ladies, if your man:
– doesn't return your texts
– doesn't help with dishes
– in fact dirties dishes
– because he's coated in mashed potatoes
– is deep fried
– spews gravy when poked

He's not your man. He's that ill- advised Thanksgiving-leftover recipe that still intrigues me.

— Danielle Kurtzleben (@titonka) November 24, 2018

Or a raccoon.

Ladies, if he:

– ignores text messages
– doesn't like your tweets
– eats like trash
– regularly goes out all night
– is usually found in wooded areas in North America

He's not your man. He's a raccoon.

— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) November 24, 2018

St. Michael the Archangel seems all right, but, unfortunately he's dead, and in all likelihood, has a bit of a martyr complex.

Ladies, if he:

– defends you in battle
– is your protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil
-casts all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls into hell

He's not your man. He's St. Michael the Archangel.

— Cassie (@comcatholicgrl) November 25, 2018

And while Lord Byron may seem like a great catch, he's got a lot of red flags.ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb

Ladies if he:

-has too many pets
-wants to do anal
-is suspiciously close with his half sister
-once brought a tame bear with him to uni because they wouldn't let him take his dog

He's not your man. He's poet and famous lothario Lord Byron

— Poppy (@0pxj0) November 24, 2018

In fact, the meme has proven to be particularly popular among those who have long waited for the opportunity to reveal obscure information about historical figures in a comical way.

Ladies, if he:

-was kicked out of uni
-was married before you
-set part of his house on fire as a kid
-frequently goes missing in the woods and forgets who he is

He's not your man. He's esteemed atheist poet, Percy Bysshe Shelley

— Poppy (@0pxj0) November 24, 2018

Turns out Ramesses II wasn't so great, after all.

Ladies, if he:

-only responds if u text in emojis
-doesn't care about your single wife policy
-refuses to wear anything but fine linens
-is a staunch polytheist
-claims victory at Kadesh when it was a tie

He's not your man. He's Egypt's greatest king from Dyn 19, Ramesses II

— Sarah Parcak (@indyfromspace) November 23, 2018

It's always a bummer when you realize the person you're dating is actually a dog.

Ladies, if he:
– doesn't introduce you to his parents
– never calls you back
– has four feet
– smells like potato chips
– could easily be mistaken for a loaf of bread

that's my pug, you're dating my pug

— kim christmas (@KimmyMonte) November 25, 2018

Or…is it?

Ladies if he:

-doesn't answer your texts
-doesn't snap you back
-drools a lot
-wags his tail

he's not your man he's a dog and he's better than any man you could ever have

— the yam ma'am (@emmafischer_) November 24, 2018

And for more great dating advice, don't miss these red flags that people in happy relationships say they're glad they ignored.

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