It's never fun to argue with your partner. Whether you're feuding with each other over something major, like which city you want to live in, or less consequential, like repeated lateness from one member of the couple, disagreements can cause anxiety, stress, and displeasure (after all, we'd much rather be at a candlelit dinner than flinging insults at each other). However, some arguments are totally necessary to the longevity of your relationship. What's more, hammering things out early can make it so you have less to feud about in the future. Ahead, therapists tell us these essential arguments. Hey, maybe you even bring one up tonight.
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1 | "Where is this going?"
iStockWhile the two of you might have fabulous chemistry, that doesn't mean you'll be on the same page about everything. So, don't be surprised if early in your partnership you disagree about your relationship timeline. According to Ketan Parmar, MD, psychiatrist, and mental health expert at ClinicSpots, this might look like discussing when you want to get married, whether or not you want kids, where you'd like to live, how you see your life in 10 years, and so on.
"These are all major topics that will help shape the direction of your relationship," Parmar says. "By discussing these topics, you’ll be better able to gauge where you both stand on important issues and prevent misunderstandings in the future."
2 | "Your actions made me feel jealous."
iStockAs they say, jealousy is the thief of joy. So, if one partner feels it in a relationship, you'll want to squash it early. If not, it could lead to insecurity and resentment, says Joseph Puglisi, therapist and CEO of Dating Iconic.
"Couples should approach the matter by respectfully talking about their feelings, how they feel jealous, what exactly they are jealous of, and how to scale through those feelings," says Puglisi. "It may be a wake-up call for one person to be more careful and also understanding. The one who is jealous too should try to let the love for their partner supersede their feelings of jealousy and learn to trust their partner more." If you can do that at the beginning of your relationship, you'll have a better shot of lasting for the long term.
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3 | "Our financial practices don't seem to align."
Rawpixel.com / ShutterstockYou've probably heard that arguments about money are one of the leading causes of divorce. An easy way to ensure you don't become part of that statistic? By arguing about it before you get married.
"Couples should talk or argue reasonably about how they each manage money and expenses," says Puglisi. "You should talk about money made individually and together, debts, investments, money goals, emergency funds, acquiring new assets and liabilities, trips and vacations, and average income spent on food and groceries in a month." Ensuring you each have a clear idea of the other person's spending—and reasonable expectations of them—can prevent bigger, blow-out arguments down the road.
4 | "I need you to pick up more housework."
iStockComplaints about the division of labor in your household have the ability to fester. (One day, you're annoyed she never unloads the dishwasher or he leaves his boxers on the floor, and the next, you're calling them lazy and self-centered.)
"Couples should discuss chores and household responsibilities especially if one is dissatisfied," says Puglisi. "You can broach the topic by calmly appreciating their efforts, telling them they are doing a great job, then telling them that you would also appreciate them helping you out with different chores. It could be grocery shopping while you make the list, drafting days or weekends where you can switch roles, creating time to do something for them that they usually do by themselves, and being appreciative of them after they do." When both people are pitching in, you'll feel happier and more balanced.
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5 | "Your parents are too involved in our relationship."
iStockUltimately, a relationship involves more than just the two people who are in it. There are also each of your respective families and friends. So, early in your relationship, you'll want to discuss—and potentially even argue about—how they will fit into your lives.
"This includes things like whether or not you want children, how you plan to raise them, and what role your parents or in-laws will play in your lives," says Megan Harrison, LMFT, and owner of Couples Candy. "Discussing these topics can help couples resolve any potential disagreements down the road." Because nothing is worse than a feud with your mother-in-law that begins after you tie the knot.
