16 Things People Wish They Had Done Differently After 50

1.Family Estrangements

Pillemer and his team spoke with 1,500 over 65 about their biggest regrets, one of which was not resolving a family estrangement, for example with a child. “The kinds of things that seemed worth saying ‘My way or the highway’ when you were 40 and they were 18 usually never seem worth it at 80,” Pillemer says. “Even if their relationships with their other children were great, the one with whom there was this irreparable rift still caused them a lot of remorse and anguish.”

2. Not Saving Enough Money for Retirement

Many older adults regret not saving more when they were younger. “Life events kept them from saving, and now those decisions made back in their 40s, 50s and even as early as 30s are really biting them,” Kevin Chancellor, CEO of Black Lab Financial, tells AARP. “It’s making it hard for them to live a good quality life with the cost of things so much higher.”

3. Neglecting Their Health

Neglecting health is one of the biggest regrets for people over 50. “Many people will say to themselves, ‘I enjoy smoking’ or ‘I don’t like to exercise’ or ‘I just like to eat — who cares if I die a little sooner?’” Pillemer says. “The problem is in this day and age is you’re not going to die sooner; you’re going to be stuck with 10 or 20 years of chronic disease as modern medicine keeps you alive.”

4. Not Spending Enough Time with Family and Friends

Many regret not spending more time with loved ones. “The people I worked with often regretted taking their families for granted,” Grace Bluerock, LCSW, tellsMindBodyGreen. “After all, once they got terminally ill, it was their families who stuck by them to hold their hand, provide love and companionship, and care for them around the clock.”

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5. Working Too Much and Missing Out on Life

Working too hard and neglecting family is a big regret. “Many had worked long, hard hours, and they regretted missing the important moments in their kids' lives,” Bluerock says. “I remember one such person—a salesman whose boss expected him to travel three weeks each month when he had a young daughter at home. Although he was an excellent provider for her, he never got to know her well. As she became older, he tried to form a relationship with her, but it was too late to make up for lost time. He never fully forgave himself for choosing time at work over time with her.”

6. Not Traveling Enough

Pillemer says not traveling was a frequently expressed regret, even for people who traveled extensively when they were younger. “If you have a choice between a kitchen remodel and a trip, I say take the trip,” one older woman told him.

7. Not Being Honest

Many older people looked back with regret for not being honest.“Lying and being deceitful to others gnaws at older people when they reflect back, whether it was cheating someone, having an affair or being dishonest,” Pillemer says. “Experiencing dishonesty from others was haunting, too.”

8. Not Pursuing Their Passions

Not following their dreams is a big regret for many. “Many expressed that they had never enjoyed their job but had stuck with it year after year to pay the bills,” Bluerock says. “They wished instead that they had chosen work that was in line with their purpose and passions—work that they were excited about and gave them a sense of fulfillment.”

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9. Avoiding Risk and Playing It Too Safe

Some older adults regret holding back when expressing their feelings. “They regretted not taking risks to be more loving, such as being more open about their feelings for new people or more affectionate with those already in their lives,” minister Lydia Sohn told CNBC.

10. Picking the Wrong Life Partner

Many wish they had been more careful before getting married. One woman told Pillemer it’s better not to marry at all than to marry the wrong person.

11. Not Prioritizing Self-Care

Many wish they had spent more time on self-care. “Most patients thought that if they'd eaten better, slept more, and paid more attention to their health and well-being, they might not have gotten sick,” Bluerock says. “They wished they had made self-care more of a priority. Make time to go on a nature walk, take a nap, or meditate each and every day.

12. Not Expressing Feelings

Nurse Bonnie Ware says many older people wished they had said how they really felt. "Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

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13. Not Keeping Up With Friends

Ware says many felt bad about not keeping up with friends. "Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.”

14. Not Choosing Happiness

Many older people wish they had been happier. “Most people regretted the time they wasted worrying about things beyond their control,” Bluerock says. “They didn't realize they were capable of choosing fun and happiness until it was too late.”

15. Being Too Hard on Themselves

Many older adults regret spending so much time worrying and being hard on themselves. “Life is so short. What you will regret is weeks or months of the kind of mindless, self-destructive ruminating worrying that people do,” older study participants told Pillemer. “You’re going to wish you had that time back.”

16. Not Showing More Love

Not expressing more love and affection is another big regret people expressed. “Many people expressed sorrow for not having been more understanding, caring, and present for the people who were important to them,” Bluerock says. “They wished they had the courage to say ‘I love you’ more often.”

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