When it comes to sports uniforms, it’s generally understood that simpler is better. Alabama, Penn State, the New York Yankees, the Chicago Bears, Notre Dame—they all share a common thread: no-frills design and strong, simple colors. The 30 uniforms that follow? Well, they’re the exact opposite: a collection of spectacularly loud and obnoxious sartorial misfires that deserve a place in a clothing design Hall of Shame. For a tour of true eyesores, ranked from ugly to supremely ugly, read on (but we’d advise you to wear a pair of sunglasses). And for more on bad style, don’t miss the 40 Things No Man Over 40 Should Wear to Work.
Mexican National Soccer Team (1994-98)
During the ’94 and ’98 World Cup, goalie Jorge Campos decided to dress like he’d raided Elton John’s closet.
The Trenton Thunder (2011)
This probably wouldn’t have made the list if Yankee great Derek Jeter hadn’t been sent to the minors on a rehab assignment in 2011. But he was, and there he is: one of the greatest players to ever live, dressed as an optical illusion. Now, for more of what you should wear, here are 14 Must-Have Looks from The Year’s Most Anticipated Movies.
Deportivo Palencia Balompié (2016)
There must have been a logical reason that Madrid’s Club Deportivo Palencia Balompié thought dressing their players like a museum exhibit on human muscle was a smart competitive move, but we can’t for the life of us think of
what that might be.
Los Angeles Kings (1996)
Why nobody at the LA Kings said, “You know everybody is going to think this looks like the Burger King mascot,” is simply beyond us. For more fun facts, check out these 30 Celebrity Names You’re Mispronouncing.
Mexico’s Olympic Skier (2014)
At 55, Prince Hubertus von Hohenlohe was the second-oldest winter Olympian in history. But he remains the first Olympic skier to wear a mariachi outfit.
Milwaukee Admirals (2006)
If there’s one thing we all know about sports, it’s that everybody plays better in plaid. For more style coverage, here are 38 Things No Man Over 40 Should Wear.
Texas Longhorns Cheerleaders (Current)
Cheerleaders in chaps. I repeat: Cheerleaders in chaps.
Denver Broncos (1960)
Maybe it was the yellow and brown color combo. Maybe it was the vertical-striped leggings. Whatever the case, you put them together and you’ve got one truly hideous football uniform.
The Miami Carol City Senior High Football Team (2013)
If you thought, “Hey, that looks like a rapper designed it,” you’d be right! Flo Rida thought this would be a fitting tribute to his alma mater. Please note not one but two Native American headdresses: one on the head, one on the pants.
The Lowell Spinners (2014)
People are always complaining about Christmas being celebrated too soon. Well, how about Christmas in July, during a baseball game, with players wearing ugly Christmas sweaters?
New York Islanders (1995-97)
You know you’ve got a great uniform where it immediately makes people think of the fisherman mascot from Gorton’s Fish Sticks.
Houston Astros (1975-93)
Many people find the reigning World Series champs’ visually cacophonous throwbacks adorable. We feel slightly dizzy.
The USA Ryder Cup (1999)
Team USA’s 1999 Ryder Cup Polo was a true atrocity, covered in dozens of framed pictures of… what exactly? If your shirt looks like something your uncle made for a family reunion, it doesn’t belong in a professional sporting event.
Fresno Grizzlies (2007)
The price is wrong, Fresno! Of all the theme night ideas in all the world, you had to go with… The Price Is Right?
Maryland Terrapins (2011)
This “everything but the kitchen sink” design is giving us vertigo. Even the helmet can’t decide what it wants to be! Sorry, Maryland, but you’re taking that whole state-flag branding thing too far.
Slovenia World Cup Soccer Team (2010)
There are a lot of terrible role models for professional athletes to have, but Charlie Brown is probably the worst of them. You know he always missed the ball, right?
Dallas Stars (2003-06)
Stars. It’s such a great team name. Do you have to make everything in a bull, Texas?
Quad City Mallards (2004-05)
Yes, they look like waitstaff uniforms for a sheriff-themed diner next to a highway rest-stop.
The Memphis Redbirds (2014)
If there’s one thing that make kids more excited than tickets to a ballgame, it’s hearing their dad say, “Good news, it’s ‘Tribute To Memphis, Egypt Night,’ with uniforms written in hieroglyphics!”
The Norwegian Men’s Curling Team (2014 Winter Olympics)
The Norwegians raided my grandfather’s closet!
Montreal Canadiens (2009)
Some retro throwback uniforms are a great idea, but some end up looking like this. Is there anything that strikes less fear in an opponent than barber-pole stripes?
Minnesota Timberwolves (2000)
Is that the font from The Munsters?
Toronto Raptors (Late 90s)
The 1990s saw the explosion of all things purple, teal, and, you know, in your face! This was the uniform equivalent of that trend totally “jumping the shark.”
Seattle Seahawks (2015-Present)
Five points for originality. Minus-500 points for blinding us.
Las Vegas Wranglers (2010)
Yes, that’s a Santa-themed sweater.
Lehigh Valley Ironpigs (2009)
Forget the faux formal wear and check out the 20 Sharpest Suits You Can Buy On Amazon Right Now.
San Antonio Spurs (2013-14)
We’re all for honoring our veterans. But there’s gotta be a better way than this.
The Vancouver Canucks (Early 80s)
It’s hard to tell if they’ve come to play hockey or dance their buns off to “Disco Inferno.”
The Pittsburgh Steelers (1934)
These “throwback” uniforms were brought back by the Steelers in 2012 to celebrate the team’s 80th season in pro football. And also because they apparently wanted to dress like the girl in that Blind Melon video.
The White Sox (1976)
There’s a reason why shorts are one of the 40 Things No Man Should Ever Wear to Work. That applies to baseball players, too.
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