We all know how difficult dating can be. Even if the first date leads to a second, things often fizzle out by the fourth or fifth. If you find that you're always struggling to move things forward and get serious, there could be an underlying issue at play. Talking to relationship experts, we got insight into some of the problems that could be preventing your chance at long-lasting romance. Read on to discover five dating mistakes that may be derailing your relationships.
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1 | You're trying to move too fast.
iStockAfter many failed dating attempts, you might be tempted to try speeding things up. But that urgency could be what's preventing your progression, according to Michael Ostler, LMFT, a licensed therapist who specializes in relationship work.
"Attempting to move the relationship forward when your potential romantic partner is not yet ready to make the step can create relationship stress and even risk its existence," he warns.
Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD, a licensed psychologist based in Boca Raton, Florida, says that moving too quickly can also hinder things long-term if you do get into a relationship.
"Taking the time to get to know someone and building a foundation with your partner can help avoid problems in the future that may arise," she explains.
2 | You're coming on too strong.
iStockPeople want to be wanted—so showing a clear interest in someone is an important factor in the dating world. But there's definitely a line you don't want to cross, as "coming on too strong" can easily derail things early on, according to Rubenstein.
"While showing interest is important, being overbearing may turn your partner off," she says. "Constantly calling, texting, and making serious comments about the future may make them uncomfortable and cause them to end the relationship."
3 | You're making everything about you.
Shutterstock / Da AntipinaA relationship is a two-way street. So if a potential suitor feels like you don't care to get to know anything about them, they aren't going to stick around for long.
"Talking too much about yourself can leave our romantic partners feeling left-out, lonely and even resentful," Ostler warns.
As he further explains, it's natural to start opening up about ourselves more as we get to know someone romantically. But while this is an important step in fostering a relationship, Ostler cautions against making everything about you.
"If we don't make a point to do this in moderation, we risk our potential romantic partners feeling as though we're in the relationship more for ourselves than for them," he says. "To avoid talking about yourself too much, remain aware of how much time you have taken in the conversation and ask your potential romantic partner more questions about themselves."
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4 | You're too focused on the negative.
iStockWhen we want to vent or complain about something, we often turn to our partners (or would-be partners) for support. But while this is a normal part of life, Ostler says that you can easily ruin a relationship by focusing too much on the negative.
"Centering too many conversations on your negative life experiences, world views, thoughts and emotions can make your potential romantic partner feel overwhelmed, sad, and otherwise turned-off," he explains. You want to make your future mate feel that spending time with you is an "enjoyable experience" overall.
Jennifer Kelman, LCSW, a licensed therapist working with JustAnswer, says this also goes for bringing up bad exes in conversation.
"There is nothing more off-putting than having to suffer through hearing about past relationships or dating horror stories," she shares. "Although those stories might feel funny initially, they don’t do much to enhance the connection between the two of you."
5 | You're not being yourself.
iStock / People ImagesThere's a difference between put your best foot forward when first getting to know someone and pretending to be a different person altogether. Authenticity is "essential" in order for a relationship to move forward long term, according to Rubenstein.
"Trying to be someone you're not, whether to impress someone or because you're afraid they won't like the real you, is a disaster waiting to happen," she says.
Jack Hazan, LMHC, a licensed psychotherapist at Modern Therapy Group NYC, says this is essential when talking about what you want from a romantic relationship. Don't just say what you think the other person wants to hear—especially if that's not how you really feel.
"Hiding your true intentions from your date is never a good thing," Hazan notes. "Finding time to talk about what your hopes are for the relationship, whether that’s casual or if you want more, will only benefit your relationship."
